<p>With the sex scandal at Milton and reading the book Prep, I'm wondering what to think about sexual mores at prep schools. </p>
<p>I realize that what happened at Milton is only being reported because of the high profile of the school, that probably happens at schools weekly. The book Prep however, written by a Groton grad, has me wondering.</p>
<p>Kirmum,</p>
<p>I'll be honest: yeah, there's a lot more sex than you might imagine at prep schools. But let me add as a corollary that there is probably more sex among teenagers than you imagined anywhere, period. Like you said, newspapers like making a big deal about a small amount of sexual scandals because prep schools are supposed to be so stuffy. People, it seems, are fascinated with the secrets of what they deem the rich and elite. If you read any interview with Curtis Sittenfeld, she often says that the experience "isn't like her own" and she was, unlike the main character, was social and involved in many activities. Certainly, in all my years at prep school, I've never heard of a scandal like the Milton one at my school or anywhere else.</p>
<p>I would recommend having a talk with your daughter (son?) before she/he leaves for school though. Perhaps you could even work the scandals at Milton and St. Pauls into it.</p>
<p>Thanks for being honest Raspberry. In touring prep schools you certainly come away with the impression that everyone is so supervised there would be no opportunity. Then you think, but wait, these are hormone raging teens! Something has to be happening. So are locker rooms the typical place?</p>
<p>The most disturbing thing about the Milton story to me was the father's comment to the press. "She made a little mistake." And the news that another Milton girl's family got the kids a hotel room!! It gives rise to the unfortunate stereotype of prep school
parents being uncaring and out of touch.</p>
<p>We talked to both kids and administrators at St. Paul's about their scandal. I do believe that was much ado about nothing. I do however, want to understand the reality.</p>
<p>So are sexual pressures heightened by living among each other? Are kids less supervised than I think so that it's actually easier to hook up? The kids certainly seem older, more mature for their age. Does this speed things up?</p>
<p>Kirmum, you have to understand that no matter how low the teacher-student ratio, no matter what the rules, or how many students there are, you are truly on your own at prep school. Of course, there are guidance centers, house counselors, and other adult figures you can turn to if you are having your problems, but one of the most difficult lessons many students learn when away from home is making good decisions. And yes, there are a good deal of rich students with apathetic parents at prep schools- same goes for college and beyond. Again though, I think it is actually better at prep school than back at home- at least at prep school, there are some rules students must follow. Some parents I know back at their home let their children come and go whenever they please, no questions asked!</p>
<p>Why? Your guess is as good as mine- teenage hormones, living in such close proximity to so many other students, and stress-relief from the rigorous academics probably have something to do with it. I don't know about other prep schools, but Andover is very liberal with their rules and places a lot of trust into their students. I like to think that we do a (pretty!) good job of upholding that trust. Other schools may have more supervision. Locker rooms are typical, as are the woods often nearby, the stacks in the library, and pretty much any other place students can find a minute of privacy!</p>
<p>Regardless, letting your child go to prep school is just letting them learn life lessons a little earlier. From what I've seen, most prep school students leave more mature, better prepared, and with a far better work ethic than equally smart students at public or day school.</p>