<p>I met some boarding school graduates in college, but my real in-depth experience with people from this background was when I worked at an investment bank. In fact many of the people who worked for me had attended boarding schools.</p>
<p>These people as a whole were highly accomplished, smart and had great interpersonal skills. And they all attended Ivy League colleges. But then again if they didn''t they wouldn 't have been hired.</p>
<p>The brightest, best of the whole lot was a fellow who had graduated from Groton. I would check this place out, myself, just based on the fact that he came from there.</p>
<p>The thing that several of them told me: the impetus to go to boarding school came from them, not their parents. These were kids who were ready to go away, for whatever reason, and actively sought it out.</p>
<p>Sgiovinc1, FWIW I didn't completely follow your son's situation. Were you living in Manhattan at the time? You certainly can't apply to Bronx Science from White Plains. Horace Mann will bus from all over. Not clear why Andover was a better choice.</p>
<p>You did remind me of something, though. Many of the boarding schools have mandatory chapel services. Not everyone may find this comfortable, depending on their own beliefs.</p>
<p>Of course Groton is the best of the best moneydad! Those Exonians and Paulies are just pretenders, lol. I think you're right, there is just a breed of self motivated kid that screams let me go! I was certainly one. I am not religious but came to love Chapel, which was not at all a sermon.</p>
<p>Even when you try to blend in, everyone know who goes to New Zealand on spring break and who has to work, who camps for vacation and who has a house in Italy. Who has grandmothers who are alums and who just learned english.
I don't think the day schools and boarding schools are that dissimilar other than there are many who might be eligible for finaid for boarding but it is so out of their world that it would never be a consideration.</p>
<p>Emaraldkity4, maybe times have changed. When the school shuttle dropped me off at Logan for breaks and I belnded into the crowd, who knew if I was going to my parent's villa in France or to my home in NYC which could have been a small apartment? I never brought a friend home until my last year, so who knew how we lived? The beauty of boarding school is that you reinvent yourself, your family baggage, no matter how it would be perceived, is shelved for now. The kids who asked the limo driver to drop them off a block from school for years no longer has to deal with it. The kid who is from poverty has the same dorm room and rules as everyone else. In truth, of course we could tell who was truly poor. In those cases what we did was to make sure that they were invited to the order in meal only after it was paid for. That was about the extent of it. How can I explain, those of us with money were the ones who hid our situation. We all wanted to be there because we were great students. Having money would have implied the high standards might have been bent for us. Not so at day schools without huge endowments where so many are taken for what they can give. In so many communities, parents want the school as much for their social lives as for their kid's educations. Status in so many communities is about which local private your child attends. To be honest, my parents were probably pretty dissapointed when I gave up my place in a top day school. Not so for today's boarding school families, where many in communities shun families because "good parents" just don't board their children. It is the rare, highly sophisticated community where a parent is congratulated for having a child at a top boarding prep. Also Emeraldkity4, you would be surprised who gets to consider boarding schools. The schools with large endowments have people on their staffs who travel the world to encourage applications from the furthest reaches. Bringing in tokens? Many so accuse. I can only say that I went to school with amazing kids from all over the world and where else could I have done that before college?</p>
<p>Jazz
didnt you Talk to the people at your boarding school?
Don't you bring kids home for school breaks? Isn't it noticable who Doesn't bring anyone home for breaks?
The day schools in our area do have huge endowments and have partnerships with neighborhood public schools ( thanks bill- I may forgive you for being a republician one day :)
I know that some areas do not have good school choices, I have several friends who didn't have good public or private school in their area so they boarded. However some of us are able to live in areas with decent schools if not fantastic ones and some have actually decided to place diversity as a priority. Not rich kids from other countries, but kids in their city, in their neighborhoods where they see on their own turf.
It is just a different choice. I realize that boarding school is very attractive to some people. My daughter has friends from college who attended boarding school as well as some friends from her childhood. To be blunt, I am glad she didn't go to boarding school. We could have swung it with aid, after all she was admitted to grade school that has a lower admittance rate than Harvard ( with aid), but the kids she knows in college from boarding school are pretentious and rude to be blunt. ( subtle but still rude)I think getting to know kids who don't consider their cable being out as a hardship would have helped some of these kids.
I am not saying all boarding schools are like this, don't get me wrong. I am sure some carefully select students and cultivate an atmosphere of acceptance and tolerance. After all if her prep school could be a great place for kids who live in a 900 sq ft house as well as kids who live in one thats 8000 sq ft, how hard could it be for a boarding school to do so?
But just like some frats do attract students who think fraternities are all about "girls gone wild" and "animal house", some boarding schools I am sure are set up to take anyone who pays the bill and possibly a couple scholarship kids to promote "diversity".</p>
<p>Well Emerald, I'd be really curious about what type of schools these ill mannered preps your daughter encountered went to. I honestly believe I'm sensitive to little snots, having grown up with so many and having attended a very good NYC day school with some of the biggest witches imaginable. Boarding schools, the good ones, are different. I have too many close friends, who have attended and confirm, to ever think differently. Were they different 20 years ago? Certainly. Are they meritocracies today that don't tolerate brats? Largely. I'm sure you did what was best for your daughter, and boarding schools are not best for the vast majority of kids. No doubt she could be a top student at a top ivy and have not wanted this experience for high school. However, please don't speak of these schools as a whole unless you have a deep understanding of them.</p>
<p>We recently received grades, teacher comments and an advisor letter for my son from his boarding school. I am so grateful that we have found this wonderful environment for our son to learn and pursue his athletics. He is a junior, and this is his first year at this particular school. The mentoring he is getting from his advisor and other faculty members, the bond he has formed with his roommate (also a talented athlete and student) and the exposure to kids from varied backgrounds is worth the financial sacrifice our family is making. There are some factors unique to our son which led us in this direction (including some bridges he managed to burn.....). However, both the boarding school (Interlochen) which my daughter attended for two years and my son's school are filled with courteous kids who appreciate what they are being given. I have attended athletic events and other school functions this past semester whenever possible (we are in Texas, son is on east coast) and the kids we have met are wonderful. It is certainly the right thing for us!
Karn</p>
<p>Emeraldkity4, I reread and thought about your comment on the "cable being out." Boyfriend and I, from two different preps, agree we don't know any preps who watched much TV as they were certainly not allowed in other than the occassional common room where they were strictly regulated. Preps are the most ignorant teens in America where popular TV is concerned.</p>
<p>Despite being a top student at my local (elite) high school, I always wanted to attend a private boarding school. For me, it was more for the atmosphere - for much of my high school experience, I felt like an outsider and wanted a chance to start over after bumpy middle school years. It wasn't until the summer after junior year that I found my true "friends group," as I never latched onto one of the institution-like cliques founded in sixth grade. I also generally was one of the more mature students in my grade (perhaps this helped set me apart), and was geared up for the away-from-home experience as early as ninth grade. I wanted to live with my fellow students and have more of a school "community."</p>
<p>Since your daughter attends an academically-respected private day school, education quality would not seem to be the issue for her, either. Does she seem comfortable with her friends niche? I would suggest having her think it over - maybe she'd jump at the chance to go away and begin anew. I know I would have.</p>
<p>Either way, I'm sure things will turn out well for her. Best of luck!</p>
<p>gracilisae, I also always felt like an outsider until boarding school. Writing here has made me aware of how emotional I am on the subject. How dare anyone insult what saved me!! The dated idea of boarding schools harboring rich brats galls me. My day school was just that and boarding school anything but. I'm not worried about Kerry, she gets it, but please people, stop reading Dickens!</p>
<p>Jazzpiano, I'll pick a nit with you. My D knows less of TV & popular culture from TV than almost anyone. One of our very few rules was no TV on until the homework was done. This included our TV. The result was that often for weeks at a time there would be no TV except for watching DVD's, CNN, or some sports events.</p>
<p>The last regular TV shows we watched were "Murder, She Hoped" and "60 Minutes" in the same era. That dates us. Of course, what really threw me off from TV was the ending of the "Twin Peaks" mini-series...I wanted to throw David Lynch through the tube.</p>
<p>Fortunately, some pop culture things I've been able to keep up on via MAD MAGAZINE.</p>
<p>Of course, boarding school harbors some rich brats. Did back then (no matter when) and still. My son's school has them and I have seen them in other schools too. In Catholic schools and public schools as well as independent day and boarding school. For that matter they don't have to even be rich--I think mine have some very bratty characteristics that I have been trying to stomp out.</p>
<p>Thedad, you were running a boarding school and didn't even know it! Jamimom, we can find rich brat syndrome everywhere we look, even where there are no rich. The point is the unfounded stereotype (present day) of the exclusive enclave.</p>
<p>Jazzpiano, I was class of '73 in boarding school.....a bit younger than Kerry, thank goodness!.....I have to say that in those days it was more of a social requirement in certain sets to send your kids away.....there was some diversity, but not much.....and alot of kids didn't want to be there.....some did.....there were smart girls and some not so bright.....some from severely dysfunctional backgrounds, some not.....from what you write it does sound lilke a very different scene.....(though I"ll stick to my guns about people knowing who has the $$).....and when I come to think of it, NONE of my friends who went (not only to my school but to others as well) are sending their kids away now.......We're actually toying with the idea for our middle schooler for 10th grade......its on the radar screen as my husband also is a boarding school grad.....we'll have to play it by ear...</p>
<p>One nearly indisputable fact about a top boarding school is that college (almost any one) wil be the same or easier academically.....that hasn't changed, has it?</p>
<p>There may be rich brats in prep school and you may find the brat kids everywhere. You have to deal with life, as one cannot protect your kids. However, a new trend is emerging from prep school, they are offering substantial financial aid to motivated kids who cannot afford the school tuition. It seems that entire class may have 30-40% kids on some financial aid while 10% on full financial aid. This is the same trend which HYP are offering to poor but bright kids whose parents makes around $60,000. </p>
<p>I am sure that some of parents do not like prep school for whatever reason and that is fine. Unless you have your own kids in boarding school and have a bad experience, please do not discourage other parents or kids from applying there. If you say that prep school has rich brats that is called generalization. Please offer only real evidence rather than an opinion, which is heresy or not coming, firsthand based. Tell me a story that a very bright kid whom you know personally went to boarding school and he got into drug. Tell me specific. The reason I am stating that I have similar concern few years ago and few parents told me that these concern will be there but should not stop us from having a kid achieve his or her dream. Now, I see myself and have met many kids who are doing wonderful in prep school.</p>
<p>My experience with boarding schools (2 very different kids at 2 very different schools) has been mainly positive. It has been mentioned, and I caution again, watch the ratio of day to boarding. I would look for at least 70% boarding community. In our hometown when my D (now college soph) told people she went to boarding school, they would ask "what did you do"? She would explain that it was her choice to pursue a specific interest and that she had not been sent away in disgrace. Another problem we discovered at one of several false starts we made with S is that discipline is not always consistent. A school might have "rules" (anything from no cell phones, only seniors have refrigerators to zero tolerance for alcohol) but it might turn out that they aren't enforced. It puts the parents in the position of having to deal with the "everybody has refrigerators" conflict with their child. Things like this get more pronounced when alcohol or drugs are involved.</p>
<p>Im wondering why parents are so sensitive and accuse of painting all schools with a broad brush when I was very specific about stating that it was not my opinion of all boarding schools but my experience with a small number of kids. Surely we can recognize that some schools and students have problems without feeling like all schools are bad, just as we can recognize that some frats have problems with out feeling like all frats are negative ( or public schools or...) Unless we back up our posts with citations of research, EVERYTHING is an opinion, and I really doubt that someone is going to take one negative experience and base their decision on it.
If they do, aren't they just using that as an excuse?</p>
<p>I don't think that it's a matter of people being too sensitive, rather that there are some who know that the conclusions that you seem to have drawn about boarding schools are not reflective of what typically goes on there. It's unfortunate that you've encountered some people who went to boarding school who happened to be snobby. That's not an indictment of boarding schools, it's an indictment of parents who clearly didn't teach their children the right values.</p>
<p>I have two children who graduated from a public high school in an affluent community, one who graduated from boarding school, and another who currently attends boarding school. There are lots of BMWs and Land Rovers in the public school parking lot (and they're not being driven by the faculty nor were they driven by any of my children). I would argue from my own experience that the kids at our local public school are much more hung up on status, materialism, etc. than those who live(d) in the same dorm and learn(ed) in the same classroom as my two sons who attend(ed) boarding school. One time after a loss by our public school's football team to a team from a less affluent community, a number of our fans sang a disgusting song to the effect that you may have won the game but that you'll be working for us some day. Talk about losers!</p>
<p>My oldest son's contemporaries at St. Paul's were more intent on working hard, learning for learning's sake, and in trying to excel in their interests outside of the classroom than in bragging about their parent's wealth or how many homes they owned. There was great support for each other. I asked my son about this issue of snobbery, etc. when he attended St. Paul's. He said he never (that's right, never) experienced or witnessed it. Does that mean that there aren't any kids at boarding schools who are snobs? Of course not, but I'd argue that you aren't any more likely to find them there than you would at any private day school or public high school in any affluent school district in America. From our experience you might even find less of it.</p>
<p>Monydad....I guess I did not make myself clear. We do live in white plains and the school district will bus any student anywhere within an 18 mile radius..otherwise you need to pay for your own transportation and you are right you cannot go to Bronx Science from there. I'm not sure as to why I said that except that I am 55 years old and suffer from the CRS syndome......you know, CAN'T REMEMBER SH#T! Any way.. you are also prolly right about the chapel business at Andover...that is why he asked about the religion thing...maybe I misinterpreted? Not unheard of here! Thanks for straightening me out!</p>