<p>My child currently attends a small private school (with declining enrollment) and is applying to BS for the fall. We have gotten quite a lot of pushback from current school for her not to leave. I am concerned that councelor or teacher recs might mention something negative, or might not send recs on time, etc - to minimize the possibility of current school losing student. </p>
<p>We are not sure how best to deal with the situation. Has anyone else had that experience? Would greatly appreciate any suggestions.</p>
<p>A parochial school in my area does this to families leaving for HS. It stinks! Good friends believe they tanked their DD’s chances at a top private school. More aggressive parents have let the school know this is what they believe is right for their DD and told them they expect the school’s full support.</p>
<p>Pitch the school to use your child as a recruiting opportunity. “They did such a great job that he/she was admitted at ABC School!” The school administrators should be proud of their ability to prepare a student for the BS experience.</p>
<p>But don’t be shocked if you get push back from other parents. Some parents at our daughter’s prior school were greatly offended by her decision to leave for boarding school. They took it as an insult, apparently, and a couple wouldn’t talk to us at social events. HA!</p>
<p>Our former school’s principal was very mad that we were applying elsewhere and took it personally.<br>
I went around her by meeting privately with the two teachers who had to write the rec letters and getting their support. I thanked them profusely for everything they had done, and then I talked honestly about how concerned I was about the next few years.
Then I took flowers and muffins to the school secretary to thank her when I dropped off the school forms, which mostly involves photocopying the report cards.
Basically, my grandmother’s strategy…lots of sugar.</p>
<p>If you get a good “vibe” from a prospective BS, make sure you mention it in your parent interview. Don’t dwell, but make them aware.</p>
<p>Our daughter began asking for recommendations in November and all but one was conveniently lost. As were the replacements given a month later. So we joked about the backlash in interviews. In the end, she was scrambling to get her recs in by the deadline (round three). When out on the interview circuit I was not surprised to hear other parents were having similar issues. So it’s not uncommon.</p>
<p>Both public and private schools are looking at potential loss of revenue when a student leaves. BS Adcoms know that. In a pinch, line up recommendations from sympathetic teachers as a supplement (not replacement though).</p>
<p>Wow, im in the top 10 percent at my school, but my counselor said less kid more money saved! I am from California and go to a public school. It’s quite a tradegy more money goes into our football team then our history department. Kind of sad and good because I love history, yet i am on the football team</p>
<p>According to NAIS (National Association of Independent Schools) Principles of Good Practice under Admissions:</p>
<p>“The school recognizes the right of currently enrolled
students and families to consider other educational
options, and if a transfer is initiated by the family, the
school provides appropriate support and documentation
in a timely manner, including reminding the family of
any policies related to contractual obligations to the
current school.”</p>
<p>I wish more independent schools would adhere to that, and that NAIS would include it when they re-certify a school. Usually a student looking at other schools is no longer a good fit at the current school. That can lead to half-hearted recommendations. Students who attend schools that end in 8th or 9th grades have an advantage because those schools know how to package the applicants, and usually serve as feeders.</p>
<p>To the OP, I guess lots of sugar per #4 is the best way to approach this.</p>
<p>Our kids former school, a member of the NAIS, gave us some difficulty. Not only were they losing tuition, but also the additional support we provided. It helps to cultivate a relationship with the teachers you need well before you ask for recs. The AO’s seemed cognizant of this, and some contacted this former school directly to move along the process.</p>
<p>Interesting to hear about similar experiences and suggestions that worked. Though we will definitely work on the sugar approach, it would have been so tempting to remind the current school about the NAIS guidelines!<br>
Yet another aspect to contend with in the already complex application process…</p>
<p>Not only will my private school be losing the top MS student, but their record to retain MS students enrolling in their HS has dropped drastically. In some cases, families choose to go back to PS. In my case, I<code>m looking for more academic challenge. I</code>m also a 3 sport athlete. My teachers like me a lot but I worry about the MS dean. This person has taken the news personally.
My parents plan to hand in the paper work Dec. 1st. What can they say or ask to ensure the dean will be in my corner? I think I should point blank just ask, are you going to give me a good rec? If the answer involves too many words without the word, yes or a smile, I think I`ll have a problem. In that case what should I do?</p>
<p>My first thought is that you can deal with vindictive school officials by messing with their heads a little: If you have a public school option, I would make sure that the school understands that they cannot influence an outcome in their favor if they sabotage your child’s admission file.</p>
<p>They may do so anyway, but I’d remove all temptation for them to influence the outcome to their advantage through the recommendations and transcript they send to boarding schools or other prep schools. In other words, tell them that this is the end-of-the-line for your child in that school, regardless of what happens with a BS application. You might even ask them to send materials to a magnet school or your child’s public high school to underscore this point. Better still, tell them to send the materials to “my dear friend, Judy Blume, principal at Superfudge Public H.S.” and leave the clear impression that someone you know is going to eyeball the record. Even better still than the previous “better still” – now that I think about it – you can leave them with the impression that you’re fortunate to have a good friend working as an admissions counselor at one – unnamed – school that your child is applying to. That does triple-duty: (1) it makes it clear that trying to save your child by undermining his/her academic record will be futile…and (2) it has the potential of being detected as underhanded (by someone in their profession); and (3) there’s a chance, FERPA notwithstanding, it will get back to you (and bite them). Can you tell that I love messing with people’s heads?</p>
<p>But after giving it more thought, I think in some cases a more drastic and much different response may be appropriate: If you (and I’m using “you” generically, not directed to the OP or others) have a reasonable suspicion that this is something your child’s school would do to your child, I think the above-suggested sleights-of-hand are perfectly reasonable. Then again, if you think the people running your child’s school and providing his current education are that horrid, I’d seriously consider pulling my child out of their guiding hands tout de suite. Yes, that would be a real b**ch, but are we talking about your personal convenience or resolving something truly grave? If the prospect of sabotaged academic records is not plausible enough for you to be taking a day or two off now to scout area schools to see if your child can withdraw immediately, then maybe it’s not really that plausible. If, on the other hand, you are weighing the pros and cons of an immediate withdrawal, I would think that one of the pros is that you’d have new recommenders who can write a fully credible recommendation after discussing your child’s academic record with former teachers and then filtering out any <a href=“mailto:cr@p”>cr@p</a>. This might also mean you will postpone BS for a year (pro: save a year’s tuition…or, at least, room and board!) as your child develops a fresh record at the new place. (The time to act drastically is always the present, I say!)</p>
<p>I am totally serious and I am *not<a href=“at%20least%20not%20here%20and%20now”>/I</a> messing with your head: in a truly heinous situation, the best solution may not be to leap from a sinking lily pad to the shore. The best solution may be to take the intermediate step of hopping to a stable lily pad a little closer to shore before making the big leap you have planned. And the New Year is a logical time to make that short hop. So consider this very different parental response if the situation at the child’s present school has deteriorated so badly that you honestly believe that the grown-ups in charge are actively working to destroy your efforts as a parent to do what’s in his or her best interests. This response may be more drastic…but, in the long run, it may prove to be the safer and least traumatic option. (I should add that this is another area where an educational consultant could prove to be well worth the expense. They can walk you through the pros and cons of this sort of response and help you explore choices in your area that you probably had no idea about and sure as heck aren’t going to learn about on CC.)</p>
<p>Yes, We have paid for the advice of a consultant. Your points were brought up.
I wish I could expand on that thought but I`ve got to take a mid term exam right no. be back later.</p>