Were you ever pressured to attend a particular university by a family member? Or worse, actually attended a university to please a family memeber?
I think families get so excited about their loved ones going to college that it’s easy to feel you’re being pushed in a particular direction. Unlike me, however, I think most people are strong enough to resist that pressure.
If know what I’m talking about could you describe your experience?
One question is: Why is the family member pushing for that college?
Cost?
To keep control over you?
They love their alma mater?
They think (legitimately) you are not ready to go far away from home?
They (legitimately) don’t think your college choice is not appropriate for you? Because of distance, major, support systems
They don’t understand how the US college system works?
Second question: How will this college be funded?
If this is the person funding the college, will you absolutely not be given funding if you don’t attend?
Or is it a bluff?
If you had to fund it yourself, will the parent at least fill out FAFSA info?
Third: What is the specific college you want and why? What are they suggesting?
What don’t you like about that college?
If the college you are leaning toward is affordable and reasonable, then all you can do is talk about why you like College X. “I am looking for a smaller school where I can get to know professors and have other students who are interested in Major. I know you enjoyed your time at Big State U and all its traditions…but part of going to college is becoming independent…and I will start by choosing the college that fits me.”
(or whatever your reasons are)
Also realize, when you make your decision and put down your deposit, the pressure will be over. Then you can say “If you can’t support my decision to go to College X, please don’t talk about college at all.”
If money is part of the situation, here is a good calculator to use to compare the option that you like best, and the one they like best: http://www.finaid.org/calculators/awardletter.phtml
Parents have veto power over your college choices based on their monetary contribution and financial aid form cooperation, unless you earn a full ride merit scholarship somewhere. So most soon-to-graduate high school students have no power at all against parental pressure, other than choosing not to attend college at all, leaving home, and going to work (or military service).
However, many parents do not dictate what college their kids will go to, other than requiring staying within a budget, though that seems to be a common area of contention between parents and kids (often due to poor communication about cost constraints beforehand). But, occasionally, there are threads about parents trying to force their kids to attend a more expensive college that involves more debt, when the kid’s preference is a less expensive college.
It depends on where you want to go vs where they’re pushing you to go. If you want to go out of state and your parents are saying that they can only afford to send you in-state, then parents are being practical. If you live in Texas and everyone is pushing you to go to UT-Austin but you really want to go to Texas A&M, then that’s an unreasonable amount of pressure. Parents, on the other hand, get the final say where you go to college. If they say that you go to UT-Austin, that’s where you go unless you decide to enlist in the Army.
Why does your family want you to attend Amherst? Can they afford for you to transfer? In another thread you said you have a couple of low grades at Amherst, and good grades at a cc that won’t transfer back to Amherst. If finances matter, you need to focus on affordability. There aren’t many grants for transfers, and schools that offer them will likely take your GPA into account. How much can/will your parents pay without borrowing?