<p>First off, I would like to say sorry for making this forum topic so long, I did not realize it, but all of it is unnecessary, so please read all of it, it is really appreciated. Hello, I would like to introduce myself to this forum, as this is my first post to it. I have a question dealing with a lot of parental pressure in a certain situation. Before I ask my question, I will give a bit of background of myself to give you an idea of where I'm coming from. I have played music for more than 11 years now, and consider it a major part of my life. I have always tried my hardest in school, at least I believe, to achieve the best grades I could, without sacrificing my music of coarse. Unfortunately, about 7 or 8 years ago, my parents separated and eventually divorced. They have always been able to get along fine, however, this deteriorated over time. Despite this, though, they can be in the same room with each other, thankfully. However, whenever a controversial topic within the family comes up, it becomes WWIII. My Mother is re-married, I go to the school district she lives in, and my dad lives about 45 minutes away with his girlfriend. Of coarse, with High School eventually came college searching. I switched school districts the summer before my freshman year. When talking to my guidance counsiler during this, college came up somehow. I remember that during this converstaion, it came up that if I was in the top 15% of my class by graduation, I could very possibly enroll in County College for free. Considering I don't come from a 1% family, this was big news. I had forgot about it until sophomore year. Since I found out about it at the beggining of that year, I made it my goal to reach the top 15% since I was close, somewhere like 18%. Since then, I have maintained a GPA of 3.9 or higher in my sophomore and junior year, and have reached the top 15%. Then, two summers ago, when me and my father were visiting Cape Cod, we took a tour of the Berklee College of Music in Boston because of my interest in music. Upon learning about the success rates of music students, especially in a school that cost more than $30,000 a year, I decided that choosing to go to college for music was not something I was interested in. I also believe that in the field of music I am interested in, going to college for it wouldn't actually be that useful, but I give no ofense to those who do decide to go this route, it just ins't for me. Then, last year, being my junior year, I decided that this was my plan: go to County College of Morris (which, by the way, is supposedly the #1 County College in New Jersey) and then transfer to a public school like Kean, or William Paterson, all for a computer science degree. It was also my plan to stay at home and save money from room and board and such. However, at the beggining of last summer, this all changed when I felt like it was D-Day all over my plan when me, my father, and his girlfriend all visited family in Cape Cod. They told me many things against my plan. Eventually, towards the end of August, I sent an email to my guidance counsiler explaining the situation. For the ease, I will copy and paste it here so you get the whole idea. </p>
<p>"Hello Mrs. B*******, I was wondering if you are free at all Tuesday, when I come to get my schedule, to talk. I have a few questions regarding college that I would like to discuss with you. Here is an overview of what I would like to talk about: I had my entire plans straightened out at the begging of the summer for what I wanted to do for college. My plan was to live at home, got to CCM for 2 years (because of the NJ stars program as a possibility) and finish up at Kean college with a Computer Science degree. My mom had supported this plan as, my step-brother did the same thing, but went for accounting, and my step-dad also went to kean. Then, one week when I was in Cape Cod with my dad and his girlfriend (also my aunt, uncle, and grandmother live there) we sat at dinner one night, all six of us. Then, all of a sudden, they started talking about how I should learn to live on my own, look at "better" colleges, like MIT, move away from home because I might be more successful that way. They think that I would be able to get enough scholarships that this would be possible and that it would end up being less money because of the scholarships. I am really against this because:
1. I really don't want to live on my own, I am not scared to, I just don't want to.
2. Without paying for room and board, or rent, I would save a lot of money.
3. The schools that we are looking at, like MIT or Steven's cost nearly $50,000 a year, or more with Room and Board.
4. They think that student loans, if I needed them, would be worth it to go to a "better" school and to live on my own. I don't believe going to a "better" school would yield high enough income to make up for the student loans I would need to pay off and that by the time it would, going to.
5. They think that student loans can be paid off "gradually" as in they think that as long as I am "making an effort" to pay back student loans a month, I won't be charged greatly for them. I doubt this is true.
6. Because my dad owns two houses (possibly three in the near future), his girlfriend owns one, my mom and step-dad will own one, and my family income (including my mom, dad, step-dad, and my dad's girlfriend) is probably about $250k a year, I am almost certain I would not get anything in student loans.<br>
7. I really don't want to move away from here"
and that is where it ended. As of now, nearly a month later, a few things have changed. My guidance counsiler and I scheduled an apointment the following Wednesday. Me, my mom, and my father were supposed to meet that morning to talk. My dad had to drive his girlfriend to the hospital, so he didn't make it. During the meeting, I had called my father to talk over the speakerphone with my counsiler and my mother. It did not go over well and when she started talking about how we went to visit schools without her, he hung up. My guidance counsiler agrees with me about the whole situation. My mom supports whatever decision I ALONE make. My mom has "removed" herself from the situation. My father brought me to see Steven's University without my mom. He stated that he wanted to invite my mom over for dinner to discuss it, but his girlfriend was really sick, so he didn't. My mom feels like she "waited her whole life" to go through the college process with me, and now it was virtually ruined because of the whole situation, this alone drains me and makes me feel horrible. I am really against everything my dad tells me about this, but I have a hard time arguing back. I have told him time and time again how I don't WANT to move away and go to those colleges and how I WANT to go through my original plan. However, he just won't let it go. I have spoke to my mom about it, I have said that I try to treat them both as my parents equally. My mom has stated that since they are different perople (my dad is more about my independence as much as possible, and my mom believes in more about helping me untain I can obtain independence with little stress) I find it hard to "stand up" to my father. I have no problem discussing things with my mother, with her it's more peaceful. However, where my dad is concerned, since I have spoke to him many times and he won't let it go, it has come down to the point where I would have to give him an ultimatum, and I am afraid that would mean I would have to tell him that either he "let it go or I am going to remove myself from the situation." I am becoming extremely depressed from this, as well as sick to the point of being nautious, literally. I don't know how to overcome this. I love both of my parents and I don't want to hurt either of them, even if I have, I never wanted to, and I don't want to in the future. I just want my dad to support my decision uncondditionally and I want everything to be fine again. This forum topic has turned into more of venting than really asking a question, and I am sorry about that. My main questions are: is it really worth searching for information about these colleges like my dad says if my heart is against it, and how do I really tell him to stop presuring me without causing akwardness and anger?</p>