Questbridge PreCollege Scholarship..Please Help!

Paying for College Access Programs (Questbridge, Posse)
1

<p>Hi, can you guys please give feedback on my Questbridge short answers? I'd rather you be tough than lenient. Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Question: List and describe three unique factors that have most shaped who you are (any obstacles you have faced or passions you have developed are especially relevant).</p>

<p>Answer:
• Nationality
Being Haitian has played an important role in my life. Haitian people are strong willed and persistent. Whenever I am faced with a challenge I do not back down and feel helpless, instead I use it to better myself and my character. The Haitian teachings and way of life of my parents has allowed me to grow as an individual. They prepare me to deal with new challenges each day. Through them, I am able to recuperate from any hardships I may face. Without these teachings and the guidance of my Haitian culture, I would not be where I am today.
• Mom
My mom has taught me the importance of education and to be independent. When my father was injured and had to go through two different surgeries, she did not let that stop her life. She continued to go to school and get her degree while taking care of our family on her own. My mom is constantly telling my siblings and me how important school is. Because of her examples of determination and diligence, I push myself to do better. Anytime I feel like giving up, I remember everything my mom has gone through to get me where I am.<br>
• Christianity
Having people ask me “Why won’t your parents let you…” has been something that has happened to me many times in my high school years. My faith has limited me from doing things that other teenagers do. As a child, I have always felt that my faith and belief was a punishment because I would see everyone else doing things that my parents would never allow me to do. However, growing up, I realized that my religion instilled in me qualities that are very significant to how I am as a person.</p>

<p>Question: If you could change one thing about your community, what would you change and why?
Answer: If I could change one thing about my community I would change the way the youth think about education. In my community, most youth do not think about going to college nor do they think education is important. In the past, there was more excitement about going to college but now I noticed that the excitement isn’t there anymore. I would like to change this because the youth of today is the future of tomorrow. If they do not take their education seriously know there would be nobody to take over the jobs after the previous generation retires.</p>

2

<p>Wow our short answers are really similiar. I wrote mine about my upbringing (my parents are immigrants too), my family and the community one about getting people excited about school. The only difference was the Christianity, I wrote about when I moved. I think your essays are good, but since I’m in the same boat as you I don’t think I can offer too much advice. I hope you get picked though, good luck!</p>

3

<p>I think you should replace know with now, and would with will in that last sentence</p>

4

<p>I don’t have any experience with the program, but I would say that our answers aren’t really unique (in fact, they’re pretty similar ancientdreams’). You’re also doing a lot of showing rather than telling. Let us assume that I have no knowledge of Haitian culture (I don’t). I’m not going to understand how that cuture is significant, distinctive, or formative-- is there a certain aspect or trait that has shaped your experiences? [For example, I’m Chinese-American, and a distinctive trait of my culture that has shaped me (beyond just ‘having that Chinese culture,’ which is where you’ve left it) is a respect of authority figures, especially the Confucian teaching to honor teachers, that has driven me to develop close relationships with a number of my teachers to broaden my experience.]</p>

<p>You ‘mother’ one does a good job of showing, but you’re also showing a lot. Personally, I would prefer one in-depth, examined, insightful moment than a list. And the Christinanity one is getting there (but in my opinion, overdone), but you need to be more specific.</p>

<p>You’re writing a lot in generalities, and that doesn’t make the reader feel any connection to you-- I don’t feel compelled to read any further. Put some of your own voice and personality into it-- make it sound like you, rather than Generic!Author.</p>

5

<p>Hm… I already submitted mine but I wrote about technology, leaving the public education system, and being gay.</p>

6

<p>Thank you. I missed those mistakes.</p>