Quick Essay Feedback!

<p>hey guys, here is my second essay for common app. If you guys can quickly skim/read over it and give me back some critiques/feedbacks on improvement to make it better or things to add/delete, i would greatly appreciate it. THANKS!</p>

<p>Topic: Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.</p>

<p>I paused the video at 3 minutes and 21 second; i couldn't take it anymore.Tears began rolling down my eyes as I helplessly watched the video of a girl getting ran over by a truck not once, but twice. The 7 minute video was undoubtedly gruesome and graphic, but whats worse were the reactions of those people around the little girl. Over 18 people walked pass by the incident and didn’t even stop by to offer assistance to the victim. Bystander effect is a serious issue because we, as human beings should cooperate with each other to make this world a better society for the future generation.
The incident occurred on October 20, 2011 in a city called Foshan, southern part of China. A two year old girl named Wang Yue was walking in a small road without her parents when all of a sudden; she was struck by a van. The driver, who obviously realized that he hit someone as evident of him hitting the brake, changed his mind and drove over Wang Yue, crushing her legs with the back wheels of the van. Although some people witnessed the whole incident, no one stopped to offer aid to this poor little kid. People walked pass by the girl giving her no more than a quick stare before moving on. Some of the bystanders didn’t even stop and stare, avoiding her presence as they stroll by as if she was an unwanted object on the street. A total of 18 bystanders ignored Wang Yue’s desperate cry before a woman finally decided to pick her up and carried her around while asking for help.
I felt a sense of resentment after enduring the pain of watching this video. What was actually 7 minutes seems like an hour. What sickens me the most wasn’t the accident itself; it was the actions of the people around the victim. Those 18 bystanders showed no sign of sympathy towards Wang Yue. Being a Chinese American, I understand that most Chinese people along with many other Asian races are very self reserved. We tend to mind our own business and avoid dragging ourselves into quagmire.
My stand on the issue of bystander effect is very serious and I am very critical of it because I was once a victim of this. It was on a morning of spring; the air was fresh, a bit breezy but the sunshine nullified the mild coldness. It was hard to imagine that on that beautiful day, I would be robbed on my way to school. My mother had warned me not to listen to my iPod when I’m outside but I persisted that nothing will happen, since the road to my school is always occupied with other student walking to school as well. On the day of the incident, I was stopped by a group of teenagers while I was on my way to school. They threatened to injury me severely if I didn’t hand over my iPod. In the end, I gave in to their threat and handed them the item. I remembered at least a dozen students walked by me when I was in this situation and I was certain that majority of those students realized I was in some sort of trouble. However, none of them stepped in to help me when I needed help the most. Afterwards, I joined those students and walked to school as if nothing happened even though my heart was jumping all over the place. It’s funny how I was more angered towards those students who walked by me during the incident than those guys who took my iPod. I would have been more grateful if someone actually stepped in to help even if my iPod would still be taken away from me by the end of the day.
In my case, the problem could have been prevented if someone said or did something. Losing my iPod hurts but seeing others ignoring my desperate need for help is even much worse. My situation is considered minor in comparison with Wang Yue’s situation. She was in a much more desperate situation and despite her life at stake, no one stood up to help her. We need to set an example for the future generation and hopefully make this world a better society for those to come.</p>