Quickly grade my essay please?

<p>The media not only transmit information and culture, they also decide what information is important. In that way, they help to shape culture and values.</p>

<p>Adapted from Alison Bernstein</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Do newspapers, magazines, television, radio, movies, the Internet, and other media determine what is important to most people?</p>

<p>When John Hancock proudly signed the Declaration of Independence, he exclaimed, "That should be big enough for the King to read!" The king did not read, much less hear about the Declaration until three months later. Today's media connects the world, delivering news as soon as it occurs. It shapes our lives and helps up make our decisions. This can be seen through the reporting preceding the American revolution and the 2008 US presidential election.</p>

<p>In the 1760s, as the frustration within the thirteen colonies started to grow, a sense of resentment had overcome the colonists. Though distance and a slow means of communication separated the colonists from one another, the media helped bridge the gap. Newspapers like Ben Franklin's "Pennsylvania Gazette" fueled the resentment against the British as its copies spread throughout the colonies. Franklin himself wrote some articles about the revolution, but he was not alone. Newspapers similar to his grew as the hype increased, and the steady flow ideas from the media to the public started to seem omnipresent. Without all of this attention by the media, the revolution would have never become important within the population's eyes, which soon became a key factor in winning the revolution against the British.</p>

<p>As victors of the revolution, we have progressed to become an advanced nation. This year, the 2008 American elections have escaped the isolated attention of American media. The international media has started paying close attention to our politics, making the outcomes of our elections feel important to many people abroad. Here in the US, the election receiving undivided attention 24/7 downplaying many other current events. Many reporters, such as Karl Rove of Fox News are continually discussing the Troopergate scandal surrounding Republican Vice Presidential pick, Sarah Palin. This is having heavy influence over our choice and what we consider important enough to base our predidential vote on.</p>

<p>Though the media has grown to be a dominating figure, its ability to unify the world in good times, and bad, is unmatched. We are able to progress forward as a whole. John Hancock would've loved to hear about the King's reaction to the declaration as soon as it happened.</p>

<p>It's a good essay with good ideas, but I would say a 4 or a 5 for two reasons:</p>

<p>First, near the end you have some grammatical no-no's, namely, "Here in the US, the election receiving undivided attention 24/7 downplaying many other current events." That sentence does not have a verb. In the second paragraph, you use tenses in ways that don't contribute to the meaning. Your use of "has" or "have" seem to indicate past action, though you're talking about present action. In many cases, the perfect tense is unnecessary in your writing.</p>

<p>Second, your examples don't illustrate your response to the prompt in a clear way. You're saying that the media has a big impact on most people's ideas. (You don't answer why) This sentence, "Newspapers similar to his grew as the hype increased" seems to illustrate the opposite: that the hype among the people influences newspapers. Overall, you never seem to answer in a clear way why it is the newspapers who influence the people and not the people who influence the elections. Instead, you illustrate that important issues causes both hype and media attention simultaneously.</p>

<p>In all, the mistakes are pretty easy to fix if you keep a wary eye. Good luck!</p>

<p>I'd give it a 10. You need to use a wider range of words with a better vocabulary.</p>

<p>And your first example seems to corroborate the idea that the Press was crucial for American independence, not how it would "help to shape culture and values".</p>

<p>A solid 5. </p>

<p>It's good.
I'd improve on:
1. syntax
2. diction
3. you shouldn't abbreviate in essays (like I've, or wouldn't, etc.); it's informal and a bit deterimental</p>

<p>Well done mainly.</p>

<p>I scored your essay in my thread. :)</p>

<p>Firstly I am not qualified enough to grade your essay. But the problem I see is in diction and vocabulary. Hope that helps :)</p>