I’m writing my essay for the Common Application.
I am planning to apply to Yale University, University of the Sciences, and George Washington University.
I’m hesitant to submit this. Because I don’t really enjoy talking about myself, I’m uncertain about this essay.
What did you like about the essay? What did you learn about me? What can I improve on and add?
Thank you!
Here is what I wrote:
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the room. This was it. This was my chance to find something I could be good at and recognized for other than just being a “smart girl.” Looking around, I observe the other children chatter and fiddle with violins, violas, and cellos, to find one that suits them. Even though I was only nine years old, I knew violin was for me once I saw it. Picking it up, I ran my hands over the smooth, glossy wood finish. The violin rested comfortably on my shoulder and the bow, while it was a bit awkward to hold in my small hand, was held easily in my fingers. Ever since then, my love and passion for music has grown. Orchestra has taught me devotion, time management, cooperation and that hard work pays off. Orchestra has allowed me to shape myself not only as a musician, but as a person.
Throughout my whole life, I gradually discovered new things about myself and the world. Expectations, confidence and self-expression are major areas in my life I learned from a tough experience. A difficult event in my sophomore, year taught me these. During this time, I was dealing with my grandpa's hospitalization as well as bullying from my so-called "best friends." Both had major effects on my life. My grandpa was in the hospital because he had fallen while in the shower, and hit his head, resulting in bleeding and brain damage. The entire time he was hospitalized, he was in a coma. The hospitalization made me miss school and feel really down. I felt as if I had more responsibilities during this time, because I had to stay on track with my schoolwork as well as be there for my family, since there were a lot of conflicts about the hospitalization. Although, I mentioned to my friends my circumstance at the time, they were unable to recognize the possible sensitivity of my emotions, and I felt unsupported. Eventually, their words and actions ended up being up to the point, where it was labeled as bullying. I was constantly being deprecated and put down. They told me I "wasn't good enough" and that I "wasn't worth fighting for a friendship.”
I had a spark of interest in music when I was required to play recorder for music class in fourth grade. This led to my participation in the school orchestra, where I began playing violin and continuing to do so seven years later. Music allows me to express myself freely without words. It is almost an escape from reality for me, whether it is listening to music or playing. While listening to music especially, I am able to find songs that relate to how I currently feel. It provides me with relief knowing that other people understand. When playing violin, the notes, rhythm, and melody of the music draw me in, taking me to another world, away from my current problems. This really helped me cope in the time I was dealing with my grandpa’s hospitalization and bullying.
Most of the things I carry on with me and remember are self-taught. They aren’t things necessarily taught in schools. However, these lessons and discoveries were taken from life in school, as well as life in society. I learned work ethic, achievement, expectations, and independence. I learned what makes things have value and what “important" really is. I learned confidence, expression, and restraints. Most of all, I learned who I am and who I truly want to be.