"For example, when you reply (or replied) that your daughter was on the Varsity team in her freshman year of high-school, you could add “…and we don’t know where she gets it from - you have never seen more unathletic parents!” "
Why.Why not say that she is on Varsity and worked her butt off to get there? Why add things to minimize the achievement?
@pickpocket
Thanks, and no, nobody in real life knows my scores or essays. Thank you!!
I don’t think that saying “we don’t know where she gets it from” minimizes the achievement at all. It just helps deflect some of the emotional energy, tempering what may feel like brag about the offspring with some self-deprecation.
@SantiagoAlverez, been there, done that, and that’s why I find it so annoying when people complain that people who try saying things like “in Connecticut” are being faux modest. No, actually, it’s because they’ve learned from experience that saying the name of the school can be a conversation ender with some people, and they’re sick of it.
But, in the end, there’s nothing you can do about people being weird except to try deflection. Say the name straight out, but add a fast-follow to change the direction … mention something specific you liked about it, or about whether your excited or nervous, or what you’re going to study … ask about them and what they’re going to study, etc. etc.
And if they say something negative, you can play it for laughs. Not that smart or why did they choose you? Just say “Beats me!” or “Hope I don’t flunk out.” or “Must have been my [insert something funny or self-deprecating].” Just be prepared to keep the conversation moving.
@SantiagoAlverez , the coat tails thing can be annoying. DS got a summer internship (in HS) that surprised everyone, and they gave his physics teacher the role of “outreach coordinator” or some such thing to see if they could replicate DS’s success. It was a PITA, but well-intentioned.
Yale wasn’t a big surprise for the kids and adults who knew him, and his HS regularly sends 1-4% there, but he had attended the public middle school before a private HS, and those kids remembered him as a dizzy kid whose facial features and coloring made him appear to be a stoner. Even some of the kids and parents he knew well were surprised that he was accepted. He made it into a joke, weaving stories about how funny X’s reaction was.
This summer DS got a tough internship. He has had to deal with imposter syndrome once again. I am happy to say that his friends at Yale responded with high fives when learning of the internship, in much greater percentage than in HS. Yale is full of kids who are humble, even when accomplishing much, and they can allow themselves to appreciate the good fortune of others with a generous spirit.
Be careful not to internalize the reactions of others. Yale makes few mistakes in its acceptances (take a look at its retention rate). You deserve this. Anyone who doubts it tells you more about themselves than you. Don’t be a jerk, but also don’t hide your light under a bushel.
I finally put stickers on my car. If you see a silver Tesla X with Rutgers, Yale, and Skidmore stickers, wave; that’s IxnayBob :).
@SantiagoAlverez That’s sad. You can reply “Wow. Why would you want to say something as insulting as that?” Put it back on them.
I must admit I do find it amusing when people asked where they went to college answer “cambridge” (MA, not england). Since there really are only MIT and Harvard there, not sure what they think they are accomplishing, unless people not from the area might think there are many other schools in Cambridge, thus allowing these people to avoid the answer…
There’s also “really” Lesley University, but I agree, saying Cambridge is a lousy dodge. Massachusetts might work for some people, but for most, not so much. Answer straight up and keep the conversation going.
The Yale alums I know say they went to school “in New Haven” rather than CT. But I agree that the OP shouldn’t be so concerned about people’s responses. When the OP says the school name, people will respond in some way no matter what school it is. That’s just conversation.
@SantiagoAlverez My daughter is a cheerleader (that alone brought down her I.Q. in some eyes) … who also sang and was silly in high school. She was always in the more difficult classes but never felt the need to compete or brag about how well she did. When she went to apply to schools, even some of her teachers told her that ones like BC and Georgetown were reach schools for her (which of course she also got into) because they didn’t know anything about her outside of what they saw in the classroom. She wasn’t a flashy nerd and she wasn’t trying to be at the top of her class (she was actually #4 of 300) . But she was a whole lot more outside of school and that is what definitely set her apart. When she would get the same snarky (and probably jealous) comments she would put on her best dumb look and say “imagine that?” And then she might even come in with a comment from some Disney show she used to watch and say,“I must be a smarticle particle”. Ultimately it doesn’t matter what they all think. She has lots of friends that are just as silly, just as well balanced at Yale. They are all similar in the fact that they made being a high academic look so easy that people forgot they were actually quite intelligent. So be proud- embrace the haters- they will be that way because they are not in your shoes and meet loads of like minded friends that will make you feel every day that you truly belong there!
When people ask where our son goes to school, my husband answers truthfully, “Yale.” Before they have a chance to react he follows up with, “He had to – it was the only school that accepted him!”
Of course H neglects to mention that it was EA. 
I said in jest to my mother, her grandson is at Yale, that since my son has finished his first year that she only has three more years to “let it slip” that her grandson is at Yale. She said "I know, its awful’ in complete seriousness as a reply. Yeah I saw someone who I havent seen in a while the other night who asked where my son had ended up going to school and his response when I told him that he was at Yale was “Holy ____!”. But honestly now that Im used to the whole thing, I really dont think anybody really cares. What matters to me is that my son is really happy at Yale, it was a good fit.
My wife is native Colombian, and sometimes her accent gives people a heart attack when she says that “Our son is going to Jail!”
@ElMimino, that’s priceless. I lost my accent almost before I had it (nearly 6 decades ago), but I just might have to revive it when asked where DS goes to school. It’s been a long day; thanks for that.
Just say Yale and be done. I can’t stomach the advice here to soften the news with humble brag or surprise. My kids worked hard and they earned the praise even though of course there is luck and advantage involved. BUT THAT IS TRUE IF EVERY ADMISSION TO EVERY SCHOOL AT EVERY SCHOOL SOMEONE GETS IN AND SOMEONE SIMILAR DOESN’T .There is no reason why the kid who goes to Yale can’t celebrate that as much as the kid who goes to a lower ranked school. I don’t see why the Yale student is burdened to take into account someone else’s inferiority complex. Saying you went to Yale only hurts the non Yale student if s/he lets it.
I get the Yale / Oberlin thing. It was really hard to say no to Oberlin and my kid almost went there - to the ridiculous alarm of most of my friends. But I get it - and I would not like Yale as much if it weren’t so much like Oberlin.
I have only ever gotten one rude response, and that was from someone who has had issues with my family in the past. We were volunteering together at school and she asked where my senior was going to school next year. I said Yale. She immediately said, " is he a legacy?" No. Then she said, well aren’t you worried since its in a really bad neighborhood? I was so shocked at the blatant rudeness that I didn’t have a good comeback. Oh well.
Normally, if I am meeting a new person and they ask about my kids, I’ll say my daughter is x years and in x grade, and my son is 18 and a freshman in college. Then, if they ask where, I say Yale. I agree that these kids should be celebrated and it’s frustrating to hear that you shouldn’t have a car sticker or whatever, but you can for stateU. The responses I get range from Wow, you must be so proud to Oh, that’s nice. Then we move on. His grandmother does the same thing. She is SO proud but doesn’t want to brag, so she just says her grandson is in college and waits to be asked where. Then she says Yale.
The other day at a party, one mother was so proud of her son going to Duke, she literally couldn’t stop talking about her son’s achievements in high school and about Duke. I tried really hard not to talk about Yale. I’d have spoiled the party if I did.
Interesting…I know many Yalies and I have never heard them say anything other than “Yale”. They don’t seem to be too self-conscious about it. But that might not be true for the general Yale population. On the other hand however, all the Harvard people I know always say “Boston” as if saying Harvard is way too much for other people to handle. I personally find the first approach more genuine and less condescending. Saying Boston or New Haven/Connecticut definitely reads as if you are implying the other person cannot handle the prestige of your school, as if you are trying to spare them of the envy of shock or whatever. I would also go as far as to say that a Yale person doing it would probably come off as even more pretentious than a Harvard person doing it. A Harvard person might be excused because Harvard after all is the most well-known and prestigious university around the world and it does elicit super strong responses when mentioned in conversations anywhere. In Yale’s case it would come off a little bit as a copy-cat, try-hard move I think.
@Penn95, I think the kids are all right, it’s the parents who have to work on it :). Only partly kidding. As with many other things, it gets easier and less momentous the 100th time you answer the question.
@Penn95 Although I agree completely that the direct answer is the best answer, the fact that you ATTRIBUTE all that baggage (condescension, pretension, etc.) to someone’s deflection of the question precisely illustrates why many people choose to deflect. Too many people making assumptions about their motivations/perspective/etc. just because of the name of the school they attend. After a series of such encounters they might just be conversationally gun-shy.