You’ve read the book and can use it to help guide your son, if you agree with the philosophy. As I understand it, the aim of the book is to portray the way the “holistic admissions” at top colleges actually works, and it is not a matter of GPA, scores and AP’s, in and of themselves. The idea is that students who truly explore “who they are” end up doing better in their lives, and in admissions- both.
The main problem that you are expressing seems to be too much focus on college admissions, period, in your son’s peer group and school, and maybe in your house. You would be closer to Newport’s idea if you just forgot about college for the next three years and supported any deep interests your son encounters during high school.
If you son brings home grades or has them online or whatever, don’t even look at them. Tell him you know he is working hard and grades aren’t the point of education. Sound too idealistic? Afraid he won’t work then? I promise you, this can work to keep his attitudes and goals healthy.
Check out Alfie Kohn’s books, another great resource.
If you really want to think about college, maybe understand that top schools can see the difference between intrinsic motivation and external motivators. GPA is an external motivator for sure. Newport really is on to something.
Your gut says just let the kid be a kid. Your gut is smart. Listen to it! The book is another “how to game the system” approach to childhood.
I didn’t use this book with my first kid and wouldn’t for second one either. My kids choose their own activities according to their own interests, not some book by a stranger.
I keep thinking about reading it, but after reading this, I think I know enough about it to NOT read it. My son is so different from my daughter. If I had known about it before, I might have read it and give her suggestions. She is an “average” excellent student and she was aiming high, so I think it might have been helpful to her.
For my son, (and please say otherwise if I’m totally off the mark about this, because I am thinking the book might advocate something similar to what I already do) I am just going to encouarge him to keep up with lacrosse and bike riding. I am going to insist that he participate in one school club, for all kinds of reasons. He will volunteer every now and then, and during the summer, because he has a very nice life and there is no reason why he should not give of his time. I will insist that his grades come first. He will be a “grow where he is planted” kind of kid when it’s time for college, and I am fine with that.
I read it. I was struck by the similarities between Cal and other naturally brilliant people I know. What the uber brilliant people don’t understand is that when regular people read that book, they find it really depressing and impossible to accomplish some of the stuff.
As someone who’s neither average nor brilliant (somewhere in the “bright but doesn’t live up to her potential” area), I found it to be amusing but not that helpful in practical terms, and didn’t give it to either kid to read.
I can see it being helpful to the kid who freaks out over getting anything less than perfect grades and is doing the resume padding thing without meaningful connections to EC’s, but that has never been our issue here.
“What the uber brilliant people don’t understand is that when regular people read that book, they find it really depressing and impossible to accomplish some of the stuff.”
^^^^
That’s exactly how I felt!
@HiToWaMom and @MotherOfDragons ,this reminds me so much of something my D said one day after school. There had been a motivational speaker at school, and for the first time ever, my D was actually impressed. I asked her what made this speaker stand out from the others. She said that the others always said “you can achieve anything! You can climb that mountain! You can write that book! You can win that race!” And then she said those speakers always made her feel bad about herself, because she didn’t do any of those things, and she didn’t WANT to win that race, or write that book, or climb that mountain. She told me the speaker on that day was the first and only one who ever said “just being you is good enough. Just being you makes you great.” I tell ya, that was a humbling moment.
We find it very difficult to remember what it’s like to be a teenager. That was a moment when I remembered.
I actually just got the book last week and have read a little of it. I would not present it to a kid just entering high school. I did present it to my son, who will be in 11th grade next year. He is very ambitious in his college aspirations, and I want him to know what he is up against if he tries to get into a super-selective school. I am confident that he will go to a good college, and I don’t know whether I should even encourage his aspirations, but if he wants to try, this is the time to think about the extra something that might be required.
I think it is hard for a kid in 11th grade to make any changes to their approach, should they choose to. It is pretty late in the process. I do think it will help him see why one kid might get in over another.
I think for a kid a little (or a lot) inclined to go against the flow anyway, it has some helpful ways to think about how that can be another way to approach the admissions process. I don’t see why this is any different from a kid who chooses to put tons of energy into chasing Val/Sal honors, lots of APs, or very intensive traditional school-based ECs. In my opinion, this is a classic approach of “work smarter”. Nobody is saying not to work hard, but why go mano-a-mano with every other kid in the admission pool in typical activities? Especially if you do have some off-beat interests.
For what it is worth, the kid who we (sort of, not fully) applied this to didn’t apply to any Ivies. She genuinely wasn’t interested. But she did get in everyplace she applied, and being a bit outside the mainstream helped.
Thanks for the recommendation, clicked and ordered. I’ll read it and make up my own mind before deciding on passing it to the kids.
I made my kid read Dr. Seuss’s Oh the Places You’ll Go before high school. I’ll be pulling it out again for HS graduation this week.
He did fine and ended up at the perfect college for him, but I’m fully aware that there were many many forks in the road where he could have taken a different turn. If I were doing it again (shudder) I might look for a good guidebook for my reference.
@ everybody that has posted…it’s so nice to have a place where a book can be discussed like this…don’t have this environment IRL…thanks!
@twinsmama I wanted to ask why you thought it would not be a good book for a ninth grader, specifically, from the perspective of someone that has read it.
@otterma congrats on your graduate! I love your post, this child I’m posting about read “Oh the places you’ll go” in preschool (age 5.5). Kid hated that book. I wonder what the reaction will be now…love Dr. Seuss though but more of a fox in sox fan.
@compmom, I think there is another thread in your post. Many threads have this suggestion to just focus on the “now”: “You would be closer to Newport’s idea if you just forgot about college for the next three years and supported any deep interests your son encounters during high school.” I don’t disagree with that. My question is how can this carefree attitude be supported in a college crazed environment that we made the decision to move into 14 years ago (before we knew better). It’s difficult to advocate “forgetting about college” when child comes home from 7th grade saying…“The teacher said to stay in (activity) because it looks good to colleges”…etc…as parents we have a strong influence, but we need some reinforcement, here!
It can be difficult to stay unfocused on college admissions when everyone around you is doing the opposite. I would advise you to remain focused on the substance of your child’s education. Make sure he is engaged in activities he likes. If he gets those taken care of the college stuff will take care of itself.
My older sons both got into some good schools(top 50) without sacrificing their sanity. Oldest took 6 AP classes in high school. Middle took 5. Oldest was a 3 sport athlete in 3 sports he loved. Middle was an accomplished musician as well as lacrosse player (not good enough to be recruited). They both had good HS experiences without excess stress and still got into good schools. Middle turned down top 50 school for a lesser known school with a great program in his major.
It can be done. It’s not easy though.
Now I have my youngest. He wants to go to some pretty prestigious schools. The thing is we haven’t focused on padding the resume with him but he has some substantial achievements on his own. As long as he remains focused on good safeties we are willing to try the super elites with him. I’ll let you know how college admissions goes but I am really focused on keeping his expectations realistic. I want him to have a good senior year. He will get into college.
I have thoughts on the suitability of the book for ninth graders. For a ninth grader who doesn’t care about college yet, it would be pretty meaningless. The old “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make 'em drink.”
For me, the value in the book was thinking about the examples, then considering how to apply that with my kid and her interests. But it is the kid who needs to take the lead – sometimes it is hard to go off the beaten path. They may have to ask for opportunities that aren’t presented to them on a platter --no one gives them a meeting time or a team tryout. For some kids, imagining an alternate path and making it happen is just too much. And a relatively unmotivated 9th grader would likely just ignore it.
Some kids out here express an interest in how to stand out to colleges. For those kids, I think it is useful. I don’t think anyone should leap to build their whole EC plan around it right away. But having the ideas from this book in mind when charting a path in HS can be useful. And even with a 9th grader who wasn’t “ready” for this book, having read it as s parent was useful.
@thingamajig , I wouldn’t present it to a 9th grader because I think that would be too much pressure. I believe in letting kids unfold. @intparent , the reason I think this is a good time (for my particular kid) is that the ambition to attend a super-selective school is his own, it is still unclear where he stands on that front (standardized testing and junior year grades yet to come), he genuinely wants to do what he can to better his chances, and the summer lies ahead. I like the basic philosophy of “be an interesting person.” My son already is an interesting person, so it’s worthwhile to think about how he will communicate that when all he has to represent himself is a couple of essays and a list of activities.
I believe it is possible to teach your kids to resist the culture at school. In fact, working with the school to change these pressures can benefit your children as well as other kids. (Teachers forget that grades aren’t the point of education, as much as the kids do…)
One of mine had a competitive classmate sign a contract that promised he would never again mention GPA. It was a joke, of course 
He signed but had trouble sticking to it, so she reminded him and eventually he toed the line. (Both are now in mid-20’s…)
@twinsmama I think this is a great book for a kid like that.
OP, I have always been partial to Green Eggs and Ham. I love the perfect cadence of “I do not like them, Sam I Am.”
But that is neither here nor there!
Did it strike anyone else that a lot of the book is about leveraging opportunities which tend to come in the way of high SES kids only (“a friend of her fathers’, a neighbour of her parents”)?
Very Seussical, @Tigerle , “that is neither here nor there, that is neither anywhere.” Haha!
Kidding aside, I am pretty sure that the vast majority of people reading this book are from a higher SES. And the kid who is seeking out this book from the library in order to help his chances, quite possibly doesn’t need this book anyway.