reading the superstar student book..who makes their kid do this?

Parents Forum
1

Hi everybody. Seeking parents’ (and kids’) advice. I have the “how to be a high school superstar student” book by Cal Newport and am considering compelling my upcoming HS freshman to read it (or parts of it) this summer. The goal would be for student to gain some published adult insight into the crazed high school competition for grades and college admission. A secondary goal would be to discuss Newport’s insights and whether we agree with them or not (I don’t agree with all of them). Occasionally, student has gotten a summer reward for this kind of reading activity so that wouldn’t be new…but the focus on this kind of book would be.

One side of my parent brain says no way that’s crazy talk. Let them be kids, etc, don’t make them grow up too fast. The other side of my parent brain says…well the kids have already been arranging themselves in GPA order since 7th grade (yes they calculate 7th grade GPA, by quarter). The teachers don’t encourage but don’t discourage the constant focus on grades (check them on your iphone, kids!). Shouldn’t my kid be able to understand what they are up against in the competitive suburban paradise that we brought them to, for the educational opportunities and all?

Other factors. we will not be utilizing a special SAT or college coach of any kind. We have limited funds for college tuition (and these parameters are already out in the open with student). High school is good, but focuses on getting students into the “best schools” rather than the “best schools family can afford”. To be fair to the high school personnel, many of the families place no financial restrictions on college so that’s an appropriate goal for them in a lot of cases. Parents (and kids) of CC, your honest opinions please! I thank you all in advance.

2

I know of the book but chose not to read it. I fear that my kids would have burnt out too early had I pushed them too hard early on. I might be in the minority on CC but my feeling is let kids be kids, help them to find things that they love doing, encourage them to do as well as they can academically (when the time comes, I would encourage a SAT class or at least getting a book to practice with), and let things play out. Neither one of my kids ended up an an Ivy school (oh no!) but both had fantastic college experiences and are well adjusted, lovely, and successful young adults.

3

It will do your child NO GOOD to have you put THAT kind of pressure on him!! Good Grief! He is just starting HS! Let him have a good time over the next 2 years , and see how he does. HE will pick up on ALL the pressure from other students- he wont need to feel it from YOU too!
NO kid learns better when he feels he HAS to.

4

Most of these comments seem to be from non-readers; the book is meant to provide a lower stress path to high school and college admissions. Nevertheless, perhaps the OP can read the book, synthesize it and provide guidance to his/her child.

5

If you are asking for the HONEST opinion, sorry, you will not like mine as nobody else so far did, except for our family. My kid had a very similar background and the goal. She did not focus on being a superstar, she never called herself a super, but rather refer to herself as " I am not smart, I am a hard worker’. Where the hard working attitude brought her and what was her day to day plan? My kid also happened to be at the very rigorous private HS where the GC’s focus was on placing the kids into the most selective colleges. D’s plan was very simple and never changed all the way thru graduating from the medical school. She simply always did her homework, did it well and on time. There were no magic wands, tricks or anything else. She also was loaded with ECs that required few hours every day, so she developed superior time management skills. That plan resulted in graduating #1 in her class being the only student in her class who had GPA 4.0 uw. Since GC was pushing the top schools, Harvard and such on her which was not her goal, she simply ignored GC advice. She ended up attending at in-state public on full tuition Merit scholarship and had absolutely awesome 4 years there, the best job on college, trips abroad, research internship and all the trimmings. Again, her plan of doing homework well and on time resulted in graduating as a top pre-med in her class and a very good choices of 4 medical schools, including top 20s. The same approach continued working at medical school. As the icing on the cake, since we did not pay for UG, we funded D’s medical school, so she graduated debt free.
Here, I know that I will be attacked, but I do not care. The truth is the truth and no attacks can change the facts. The fact is that if a kid is truly doing the homework the way it is intended to be done, it will work at all levels. I am sorry for this truth to be ugly in some people’s eyes.
I do not know any other approach and we did not have to encourage our D. except for one time when she was 5 y o and received her very first homework assignment. I told her that the homework is her most important thing and not any other activities. She did not know that, she thought at 5 that her sport practice was more important.

6

I think the idea that the OP [ only] should read the book and apply what she has learned is an excellent idea.
My objection was to handing it to her son now , just when he is about to start HS.
That can wait until he is older.
In the meantime, she should start doing research on how to pay for college, and what the families options are
One other comment-IS the OP’s DS already a “superstar”, i.e a very smart, self motivated , great student ??
That SEEMS to be the audience the author is targeting, based on these comments and his own background.
I dont see its value to “average” students. I have added CAPS to show who this book was written for

"Review
“As a former Ivy League admissions officer, I was overjoyed to see a book that hit the nail on the head regarding SELECTIVE college admissions and how to take the process in stride. Students will find his book extremely useful and admissions officers will be relieved to see applicants who escape the cookie-cutter syndrome.”

—Dr. Michele Hernandez, author of A Is for Admission and president of Hernandez College Consulting and Application Boot Camp

“Disguised as a peppy college-admission guide, Newport’s book is actually a profound, life-affirming manifesto for AMBITIOUS high school students. Forgo the sleepless and cynical path to college acceptance. Instead, blaze your trail to the IVY LEAGUE by living a full life and immersing yourself in things that matter. Relax. Find meaning. Be you.”

—David Shenk, author of The Genius in All of Us

“This book should be on the shelf of every student who wonders how to stand out in the increasingly competitive race to get into a TOP college. His approach will not only help you win the admissions race, it will keep you sane while you run the marathon.”

—Joie Jager-Hyman, author of Fat Envelope Frenzy

About the Author
CAL NEWPORT is the author of How to Win at College and How to Become a Straight-A Student. He graduated from Dartmouth College and earned a Ph.D. from MIT.
"

http://www.amazon.com/How-High-School-Superstar-Revolutionary/dp/0767932587

7

great discussion so far…please keep the comments coming. I appreciate them all!
Just FYI, I have read the book. That is how I already know that I disagree with parts of it. I dropped .99 on it at a yard sale, so not a big investment of time or money.
You have guessed correctly, the student is a high scoring kid and has selected honors classes BUT has not had to study really, ever. In HS, this student will need to study to keep grades high if that (student- based) goal continues (currently middle school “GPA” near, but below, 4.0)
With this particular kid, I enjoy discussions that include agreement and/or disagreement, with each other and with the book. This student is a reader, so the reading itself would not be a burden.
For those that may not have read the book, the title and the jacket comments that @menloparkmom has listed above are provocative, but I think that the best part of the book itself is the discussion of how to study and how to focus in the age of 24 7 internet. If I asked student to read only one chapter it would be that one. Student currently gets input on high school from many other kids and when I hear those other kids talk…well…they are a little high strung IMO and often they are just plain wrong. our parental input is, of course, much less relevant to an eighth grader LOL. again, thanks so far…hoping for any and all additional comments

8

Working in education, I’d say perhaps 5% of students are working at their capacity. Over 90% are staring at their iPhone or playing video games or watching Netflix for 10 hours a day — esp. grades 8th, 9th and 10th.

9

I read it. I think a HS freshman or sophomore who has ambitions for top colleges should read it. Because honestly, I think that is how admissions works. And I 'd rather a kid figure out how to extend and leverage their unique interests than try to take 13 APs. Now I think a parent who tries to fully impose this on their kid won’t succeed – although if your kid is weighing (for example) NHS vs something more unique, you could encourage them to the unusual interest IF THEY REALLY WANT TO DO IT. That is more how I thought about it for my D2 (hadn’t read for D1), and it was pretty effective in admissions results, I think.

10

@intparent I am not sure our student will have very unique interests, but definitely will have the problem of too many interests (already does) and I am not sure about ambitions (probably yes). The kid will need to decide yes or no on these many EC interests, because high school only lasts 4 years, not 14 years. Student reluctantly agrees that sleep is important and that some things will just have to be set to the side. Student is not willing to set aside honors classes, however…we tried. @MiamiDAP I think your daughter’s attitude is admirable, I bet she’s a great advocate for her patients. Our first high school student was that kind of kid, but this one? not so much. Thank you all

11

One question - you say you have limited funds for college tuition. Does this mean that you will be eligible for need-based aid? Or will you have to chase merit aid to bring tuition down to something reasonable for a middle class family that doesn’t qualify for need-based aid at competitive schools?

The reason I ask (and forgive me if you already know this and it seems obvious), is that the Ivies are among the most generous for aid for middle class families. It may be that you qualify for more than you think. If you haven’t done so already, run the NPCs at some target schools and see where you stand.

Of course, things may be different four years out, but a baseline would be helpful.

Regarding standardized tests, do have your child do some prep for the PSAT junior year, as that’s the basis upon which National Merit is awarded. It doesn’t have to be a course - a book and Khan Academy should be sufficient.

Finally, I agree with some others - you might have the book inform how you guide your child but having him or her read it sounds like way too much pressure for a 9th grader.

I also agree that doing the homework as it was meant to be done yields success. This has been my daughter’s approach and it has worked.

12

I read it, too. The book works for ambitious and motivated kids who has the inner drive. However, it won’t do anything for kids who don’t have that drive.

13

I bought that for my kid.
I think by now you have an idea on how smart/competitive your kid is…if they are taking honors classes now, this book may help them optimize their chances for top schools.
If they are an average/above average kid, they will get into a school without that…it will be more about GPA/SAT.

14

a typical CC parent story. pretty good income, but recently in our lives. burdens looming, elderly parents who are themselves running out of money (unexpectedly), older sibling already in college, most recent EFC ended up as half of our takehome pay (so not feasible). oh and yeah, we are nearing retirement age. we set a limit to come out of savings and income of around 1/6 AGI for older sibling. In our family’s version of fair that means will set a limit for this student of 1/6 AGI for each year of college. This puts us, well, at less than one half of the FAFSA EFC. so…yes, looking for fantastic financial aid (like Princeton-style) or else some great merit scholarships. We live in PA, so fellow Pennsylvanians you know our pain regarding the cost of Penn State, Pitt, and SSHE (highest state tuition in the country I believe). Yes, we know about 'Bama…but wow our student is such a yankee it’s hard to imagine at this point. Not ruling it out though.

15

Well what do YOU think?

You know your child better than we do. I know CC frowns on competitiveness sometimes but all of my kids were naturally competitive and would have thrived if they had known (at the outset) that high school can be competitive. I know other kids who would have wilted had their parents let them know that at the outset. I would use what you know about your own child as a guide as to whether you think the book will encourage him or make him anxious.

If you have a child who thrives on competition it might help spur him on toward being a “superstar”. If you have a child who likes to do his own thing it might cause more harm than good.

16

I got the book for my D, too. Mostly, I got it for her because she is one of those smart but shy kids who has trouble “selling” herself (she blanched when the dreaded “brag sheet” came home from the GC, and putting together a resume or NHS application was hard for her.)

I thought Newport had a way of writing that might help her to, not necessarily change anything she’s doing, but perhaps to think about some of the things she’s already doing a little differently. Basically to hone/spin/package however you want to say it – present her story in a way that brings out what is unique about it. To me, sometimes that’s easier for a kid to read in a book than to hear from your mom. :slight_smile:

17

can this be a category? I think my child is a closet competitor. Not in too much danger of wilting or we would have had to leave this particular school district as other kids have done (and I would never start this thread). Still, the kid could potentially benefit from the knowledge of what pressures fellow students are under and an outside perspective. Our goal is someone that has confidence, having taken charge of their own “destiny” a little more rather than relying on opinions of other kids and some teachers. @Proudpatriot I appreciate your slightly diverging report, as well as all the others. Once this thread finishes up I will let you all know my final thoughts, if you’re interested…

18

I think closet competitor is a great name for a category. My middle son was a closet competitor.

The oldest and youngest are right out there with it!

19

I actually loved this book…for us, it opened our eyes to the fact that you can drop most of your activities…for example, my D was on the debate team but didn’t like it but I urged her to stay on it because “it’ll look good for college” but after reading this book, I was all “kick it to the curb, kid.” From that moment on, she did much less and enjoyed it much more.

20

I think this is a great book for a LESS competitive kid (meaning a kid who does not care very much about competition). I have one who is a true intellectual. She loves TS Eliot (poetry in general), Poe, cathedral architecture, entomology painting, and physics. She is neither a joiner nor a pleaser. A book that was more about following her own interests that said a not-perfect GPA was okay, and not taking the most-of-the-most APs was helpful. She DID have great test scores. But she forged her own path for the most part with only minor prodding from me (stuff like encouraging her to enter the already growing bug collection at the county fair, or suggestion that summer quiz bowl camp would be fun).