Readmission Letter Feedback?

Parents Forum
1

<h2>Can you give feedback on my readmission letter?</h2>

<p>I am writing this letter to appeal for admission to the ***. First, I accept my failure to secure a sufficient GPA was the reason for my subsequent withdrawal from the University. However, I have taken great efforts to rectify my drawbacks and improve my grades, and I am now determined and in the right mindset to achieve these targets. I have always been a shy person with low self-esteem and being away from my family, I felt alone and isolated and developed depression and social anxiety within my freshman year. It soon became hard for me not only to leave my house but to have simple conversations and even to seek help for my mood disorder. Instead, it was easier to stay at home and try to distract myself from my issues, and I felt my mental state got in the way of school and decided to withdraw fall of 2011. </p>

<p>January of 2012, I moved back in with my family and with their help, I met a therapist and got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Throughout the year, I met with many therapists and psychiatrists who helped lessen the symptoms with antidepressants and practical techniques. However, it is my mentor and church friend <em>*, who has helped me the most. Through his friendship, teachings and encouragement, I gained stability and control over my emotions. Furthermore, for the past year and a half, I worked to support myself at *</em><em>. Working and dealing with people has given me confidence to go outside and has greatly boosted myself-esteem. The friendships of my coworkers have opened me up, and I no longer feel alone and isolated. My time at *</em> has also allowed me to rethink my withdrawal. *** has reignited my desire to earn a degree as I know I can do and be more with a bachelor’s degree from the ***.</p>

<p>I am truly thankful for my job because it helped me afford to pay for Community College myself. I enrolled at Howard to prove to both the university, and me that I am ready and capable of returning. The most important thing that I learned at the community college was proper study habits. Every week throughout the semester I met with a tutor who taught me effective study methods and habits to form. At Howard, on average I studied three to four hours each day. I also formed a study group with fellow business students whose drive to do well have pushed me to succeed. Furthermore, I was never late and only missed two days of classes when I was sick. I also changed my study area. I moved my study materials into a small-office room on the bottom floor of my home. The area is neat, organized, and completely free of distractions. Using my new skills and focus I earned a 3.75 GPA while taking 12 credits. Two of the four classes I took were Principles of Accounting II and Macroeconomics where I earned an A and a B at *** respectively but failed in at ***. I am proud to say that I never earned less than a B on any of the assignments I was given.</p>

<p>I hope you reconsider my dismissal as I have learned and corrected my past mistakes. I now know that whatever is going on in life my studies should be first because it is my future. I am happier and more self-assured. Most importantly I matured into a better person and student and am finally achieving the grades that I know I can. The focus that I showed at Community College will follow me into the University. I will never miss a class just like at <em>*, and I will continue to meet with my tutor weekly for study help. In addition, instead of moving I will stay at home and use my office space, which helped me succeed at *</em>. Though my job means a lot to me, school means more, and I have already limited my hours at work, so I can place more time into studying. Finally, I will put my new study skills to use and internalize the information taught to me in order to achieve my educational goals.</p>

2

<p>I am curious as to why this request for help was ignored. I think others on this board are much better at critiquing but maybe if I make a few comments, someone more qualified will jump in. My first reaction on a quick read was that if I was making the decision, I would readmit you. It seems to me that you have identified your problems and have taken major steps to fix them. I do think that your letter needs some work. The first paragraph, especially, is much too wordy with awkward phrasing. I think streamlining the entire letter would make it much more effective.</p>

3

<p>Far too wordy and gets too deep into your mental state.</p>

<p>You need to present the image of someone who is on top of things, not someone wallowing in issues.</p>

<p>I’d ditch the whole first two paragraphs, and start again, focusing on your goals, not your problems. </p>

<p>Focus on these types of thing, but eliminate that “failed at <em>**” whatever it was (unclear to me).
You: “Using my new skills and focus I earned a 3.75 GPA while taking 12 credits. Two of the four classes I took were Principles of Accounting II and Macroeconomics where I earned an A and a B at </em> respectively but failed in at ***. I am proud to say that I never earned less than a B on any of the assignments I was given.”</p>

4

<h2>Thanks for the help. I cut down on the wording regarding my mental state and made other changes. Can you reread?</h2>

<p>I am writing this letter to appeal for admission to the ***. First, I accept my failure to secure a sufficient GPA was the reason for my withdrawal from the University. I have always been a shy person with low self-esteem and being away from my family, I felt alone and isolated and developed depression and social anxiety within my freshman year. Soon it became easier to stay at home and try to distract myself from my issues which negatively affected my studying and grades. However, I have taken great efforts to rectify my drawbacks and improve my grades, and I am now determined and in the right mindset to earn a degree at the University as I have always desired. </p>

<p>January of 2012, I moved back in with my family and with their support, I met a therapist and got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression and was put on medication. Being home again amongst my old friends helped me understand my depression and control it. However, it is my mentor and church friend ***, who with his friendship and teachings helped me overcome my negative emotions. I also got a job at CVS pharmacy where I have worked for the last year and a half. Dealing with customers and the friendships I formed at CVS with my coworkers helped me overcome my social anxiety and I am more confident with people. </p>

<p>January 2013 I was confident that I overcame my issues and enrolled at *** to prove to the University that I am capable of returning. At Howard I learned better study habits through a tutor who I still meet weekly. At ***, on average I studied three to four hours each day and met with a study group of friends every week. Doing so helped me internalize the information and truly benefit from what I was learning. In addition, I changed my study area to a small-office room on the bottom floor of my home. The office is neat, organized, and completely free of distractions. Furthermore, I was never late and only missed two days of classes when I was sick. My reignited determination and improved study skills earned me a 3.75 GPA while taking 12 credits. Two of the four classes I took were Principles of Accounting II and Macroeconomics where I earned an A and a B respectively. I am proud to say that I never earned less than a B on any of the assignments I was given. </p>

<p>Spring semester at *** was successful because I am a happier, self-assured and matured person capable of taking advantage of my educational opportunities. The focus, hard work and determination that I showed at *** will follow me into the University. I will attend every class meeting unless I sick, and I will continue to meet with my tutor weekly. With my new study skills I will study till internalize what I am learning. In addition, although my job means a lot to me, school means more, and I have already limited my hours at work, so I can place more time into studying. Finally, instead of moving I will stay at home and continue to use my new office space, which helped me succeed at Howard. I hope that you reconsider my dismissal from the *** as I have changed into a better person and a better student.</p>

5

<p>I haven’t read the entire note, but the first sentence bothers me. did you withdraw or were you dismissed?</p>

6

<p>I withdrew before they could formally dismiss me. Now that I want to return I still have to apply for readmission.</p>

7

<p>The first paragraph still needs work. “rectify my drawbacks”.??? Makes no sense. I understand that you want to sound more formal but you need to rephrase most of that paragraph. Simply say what you mean without trying to sound so pompous. As I said before, it sounds like you have turned things around and have a strong plan for going forward but I had to wade through a lot of confusing verbiage to get your meaning. I do like the most of the rest of your letter. “Study till internalize” needs fixing, though.</p>

8

<p>Think about reorganizing it more like a statement with a list of supporting elements. Something like:
I withdrew from *** because of low GPA. I would now like to apply for readmission, and the following are the steps I have taken to prepare myself:

  1. Job
  2. Improved study habits
  3. Good grades at other college
  4. Support from family, friends, and therapist.</p>
9

<p>I’d cut out 60% of the copy, and organize the letter in easy-to-read bullet points that outline each fact & give just a bit background/detail. Schools get TONS of letters like these. Making it easier on the readers will be appreciated.</p>