Reasonable expectations

<p>My child has better than average grades, but does have more than one C on the transcript. One semester of significant health problems caused a lot of absences, and she was encouraged at the beginning of high school to take all honors courses due to her high test scores. This resulted in some grades that the high school weights, but colleges don't. Her initial ACT score was 26 and she is taking the test again in September. This is her senior year. Her dad keeps telling her to consider all colleges are options and not to settle for a state school. I went to a state school, and have provided well for the family. My husband is significantly older than I and retired and on Social Security. I find that I resent the pressure to make all colleges an option, but he says that I am being too negative and that she won't know if she can get in or get scholarships unless she applies. College is so expensive anyway. Am I too pessimistic?</p>

<p>You’re not pessistic - you’re practical and reasonable. She should also apply to her state school and make sure she has some safeties (maybe the state school is one, maybe not) to which she applies. After she gets her acceptances the decisions can be made. If she doesn’t apply she won’t be accepted and her options may be limited. You also likely won’t know the actual costs of the colleges until she receives acceptances and sees what finacial awards, if any, she receives.</p>

<p>Your H is saying she won’t know if she would get scholarships unless she applies? Since he is retired, why don’t you ask your H to do some research on how your D could get some scholarship money based on your financial situatin and her stats. It is not as much of an unknown as he is making it out to be. There is a standard formula (with some variations) for need based FA, and you could figure out what kind of stats your daughter would need for merit based scholarship.</p>

<p>It would be very cruel to encourage your daughter to apply to schools you couldn’t afford. Tell your retired H to either put out or …</p>

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<p>I think you mean “Put up or shut up.” “Put out” has a slightly different connotation :)</p>

<p>I should clarify that my husband isn’t saying that a state school is necessarily bad, just not to settle for that if that’s not what she wants.</p>

<p>bovertine - you are right. English is my second language. My kids laugh at me all the time, but they get what I am saying.</p>

<p>She has a couple of colleges in mind that I think will be very hard to get into/afford. I suppose the thing to do is check their websites to see what their standards are. I’ll work on that.</p>

<p>mommoney - You should run your financial information through the EFC calculators at [FinAid</a>! Financial Aid, College Scholarships and Student Loans](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org%5DFinAid”>http://www.finaid.org) and [College</a> Calculators - savings calculators - college costs, loans](<a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>Calculate Your Cost – BigFuture | College Board) This will give you a better picture of what the colleges/universities will expect your family to pay. Both of these websites also have good loan repayment calculators so you can get an idea of how long it will take your daughter to get out of debt (if she is taking on student debt).</p>

<p>As long as my kids applied to one school that we knew they could get into and that we knew we could afford–I had no problem with their applying to any and all sorts of colleges, no matter how low the acceptance rate and no matter how high the cost. Just get that safety layer in place, please!</p>

<p>As to the cost, you and your husband need to get on the same page about how much you are willing to pay for college per year and communicate that to your D so EVERYONE knows what the expectations are. If a private acceptance comes in but doesn’t give enough financial aid/scholarship money to bring the cost down to what you’ve deemed affordable to you, then you move on to another college.</p>

<p>I just don’t see why there should be any resentment about having all colleges open for consideration.</p>

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<p>As long as she knows the score (she could very well get a rejection–can she handle that?) and as long as the score about how much financial aid/scholarships would be needed in order to attend the school, I would have no trouble with her applying.</p>

<p>One thing that we on CC often suggest–see what it is that attracts you to the schools that you like and try to find schools that mimic some of the same characteristics but are a tier or two down. This is where the real research needs to be done. Put that husband of yours to work!</p>

<p>The H seems to think it’s a lottery - more you play, more chance you have to win.</p>

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Yeah, I understood what you meant. You are a good sport!</p>

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But isn’t that true to some extent? No one can predict what colleges on the application list will be looking for, or what they will “pay” to get it. Maybe OP’s D is a championship basket weaver and that’s just what some school or other is looking for. Who knows?</p>

<p>A lottery is pure chance. College admissions are governed by an invisible hand you can’t see with rules that aren’t fully fathomable to you. No wonder it seems like it’s all random!</p>

<p>For us, the object was to have 2-3 colleges to choose from come spring of senior year, colleges you wouldn’t mind going to.</p>

<p>I think you & H should go over what you can/are willing to pay for college. And she should apply to some of these schools, with the understanding that if the merit/financial aid isn’t sufficient, she will have to go with one of the other options.</p>

<p>If you are up front and realistic about your expectations and means, then there won’t be any hard feelings if things don’t work out with one of these schools.</p>

<p>Not all students see attending the state school as ‘settling’. A lot depends on the particular state school, your child’s major and the availability of specialized programs like honors. In many states, it is very difficult to even get in the state school.</p>

<p>A ‘above average student’ with a few C’s and a 26 on the ACT isn’t going to be likely to get scholarship offers at high-ranking schools. She will do better to apply to lesser-known LACs and her state schools where she is in the top 25% percentile in terms of grades and test scores. I know, just went through this exact scenario with son - he had a 3.3 UWA, 3.8 WA, a 32 ACT, 7 AP classes and a number of national awards. He only got scholarship offers from schools where he was way above average plus our state honors college.</p>

<p>Having said that, if daughter is interested in applying to a number of different schools and you can afford those schools, I see nothing wrong with it. You never know until you try.</p>

<p>Thanks for the responses. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. Just letting some of my frustration spill over. </p>

<p>Sorry.</p>

<p>^No apologies necessary as far as I’m concerned. Looking back over the last year, I realize it is very much a year long process and you will go through many different ‘phases’ and mindsets - so will your daughter and husband. I was surprised how much everyone’s view (including my own and my son’s, my son’s friends and their parent’s) changed throughout the college application process. A lot of times your child ends up in a different ‘place’ -both physically and mentally - than you thought they were heading at the beginning - so do you as the parent. Good luck.</p>

<p>As others have said, no real harm in applying anywhere as long as you have your safties in place. However, sounds like what you are really trying to do is manage expectations, which is also very important. </p>

<p>A lot of students have safeties but that doesn’t necessarily keep them from having a bit of a meltdown when circumstances start looking like they’ll actually have to attend one. Therefore, it’s usually best to make sure a kid doesn’t get too attached to schools on the outer reaches - especially when the issue is largely financial. For some, no matter what gets discussed up front, it still becomes an agonizing experience when they discover there’s no way to attend the reach school they were accepted into, but can’t afford. So, I agree that managing ecpectations throughout the entire process is very important and you and H need to get on the same page in order to do that.</p>

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<p>Absolutely true!! We told our D that she was not allowed to fall in love with a school until after she got her acceptances and then she could fall in love with one of those. </p>

<p>One visual that helps with managing expectations is to list all the schools she wants to apply to in order of their admissions rate (highest admissions rate on top) on a program like Excel. Any school with a 20% or less admissions rate, color red; 20-35%, color orange; 35-60%, color grey; over 60%, color green.</p>

<p>Sometimes for peace in the family, it’s best just to go along with some ideas and include some of your suggestions just to let them “play out” and let the cards fall as they do. </p>

<p>If your D doesn’t apply to any schools that your H recommends, then he’ll likely always believe that your D missed an opportunity. It’s better to let her apply to a few and see what happens. If she doesn’t get accepted or the cost is too much, at least your H will see the truth for what it is.</p>

<p>With an ACT 26, it’s unlikely your D is going to be getting good-sized scholarships from the best schools since those schools often require ACTs that are much higher for decent-sized merit scholarships. Yes, there are schools that routinely throw out $10k per year scholarships, but if the COA is $50k per year, then you still have to cover the other $40k. </p>

<p>Many schools (especially top schools) don’t give ANY merit scholarships, so what schools are you all considering?</p>

<p>How much can you spend each year? That will likely determine where she will go to college. </p>

<p>What is your home state?</p>

<p>For your D to get a decent merit scholarship (from the schools that give them), her stats need to be well in the top 25% for the school that accepts her.</p>

<p>You guys need a strategy… It sounds like your H is a bit naive about the whole college process because it’s been a long time since he was college age and sooooo much has changed!!! </p>

<p>It would be unfortunate if your D mostly applied to schools where she has little chance at acceptance (or affordability). That would be a waste of an opportunity for her to have more reasonable choices. </p>

<p>You might try…</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Applying to 2-3 husband-approved top schools to see what happens.</p></li>
<li><p>Applying to 2 - 3 match schools where your D’s stats are good for the school. These schools may try to make themselves more affordable if your D’s stats are strong for the school. </p></li>
<li><p>Applying to 2 - 3 financial safety schools that your D likes. These are schools that you KNOW you can afford because you cover costs from assured merit scholarships, small student loans, and/or family money.</p></li>
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