<p>I'm posting the link here on CC because it's a subject that seems to spawn strong feelings. I'm staunchly pro parent letters (and have endorsed them publicly even long before I became a parent myself), but many other parents (as well as admission officials) gag at the thought.</p>
<p>So I'm wondering if CC parents have been asked by colleges to submit any optional parent letters. If so, did you do it? </p>
<p>Did anyone submit an unsolicited parent letter?</p>
<p>DD and DS did not apply to any colleges that requested a letter from a parent. I did not submit any letters on my own. However, had it been requested, I certainly would have submitted a letter. With both of my kids, I see things that are not generally known by everyone they meet. I would think that it would put first-generation and kids with parents for whom English is a second language at a disadvantage. Not that you need a degree to advocate for your kid, but I think that having parents write letters would be a hindrance for more people than it would help.</p>
<p>I was not asked, and I’m glad of that. I would have been very uncomfortable doing it, and I would not have enjoyed hearing for the rest of my life, “If you had written a better letter, I might have gotten into _____.”</p>
<p>My D applied to Richmond and they give parents the option of writing a letter. I did write a letter. I must admit it was challenging in the fact that you do not want to brag, but you do want to highlight your child’s gifts as they might pertain to that particular school. I related a short story about her character that may not have shown through her transcripts and essays. It was short and sweet, right to the point. It was my D’s number two school so I did want to show her interest by taking the time to submit a letter.</p>
<p>You’re right, MD Mom, I’m sure that some first-gen and ESL parents struggle to write parent references and some probably bail out before the letter is finished. But the letters from that population that did make it to Smith when I worked there were often among the most moving and helpful in the pile. Commonly they emphasized what the child had achieved on her own without any parental support or how she served as an interpreter for an entire community, an advocate for younger children, etc. Because these students commonly attended large and/or underfunded public high schools with a limited guidance department and overworked teachers, the parent letters filled in gaps in information that the school staff didn’t offer.</p>
<p>As I recall either Smith or Mt Holyoke requested an optional parent letter during the “waiting period” (Jan to April). We did not send one, mainly because by that point she’d already had a likely letter from her current school. Even had that not been the case, I think we would have had a tough time writing one; so much stress! Who needs another thing to worry about.</p>
<p>I wrote a recommendation letter for D1. I think it was for Duke. I showed it to D1 and she cried.</p>
<p>More often than not, adcoms only reads letters from GC and teachers, but there is a lot more to an applicant than what they see in school. If would be like someone asking your colleagues and boss what you are like as a person. Now, if a school wasn´t trying to build a community and they are not doing holistic admission then it would be sufficient to just get teachers and GC´s opinion about an applicant. </p>
<p>Yes, parents are going to gush about their kids (as they should), but they could also give adcom great insight about the applicant, his/her family dynamic and environment the applicant grew up in.</p>
<p>When a college requests an optional parent letter and doesn’t receive one, the applicant is not penalized in any way, and parents shouldn’t feel stressed about missing out on an obligation. But some parents feel more stressed when they realize that their child’s application will not really show what this kid is all about. When I applied to college four decades ago, there were no character counts that limited responses to questions nor pull-down menus that dictated how I described my extracurricular activities. Each year the application process seems to get more impersonal, and for some parents this causes more anxiety than having to capture their kid in a few hundred words (which, thank God, are NOT counted!).</p>
<p>Smith required it, but D got into her first choice ED so I never had to do it. I think it’s a horrible idea. It privileges those for whom English is a native language, it privileges the more educated and literate parents over those who aren’t. I don’t see the point at all.</p>
<p>But some parents feel more stressed when they realize that their child’s application will not really show what this kid is all about.</p>
<p>Isn’t that up to the kid- with their essays, recs & interview?</p>
<p>While I did have to do the application when D1 applied to elementary school ( including long questions), she did the application for middle school. ( her high school was part of same school)</p>
<p>She didn’t need an essay from me for college & I would have thought it was an odd notion.</p>
<p>Unless Smith has changed its policy radically since I left a decade ago, these letters were merely suggested, never required. Parents were offered the opportunity to share a side of their daughter that the rest of the application might not reveal, but the solicitation was always very low key. And if you’ll read what I wrote in post #5 above, you’ll see that the parents’ lack of education or their poor writing never hurt an applicant and sometimes even helped.</p>
They can also lie through their teeth about all three, and unlike guidance counselors and teachers, they have every reason to do so. And a savvy parent with a good grip on exactly what kind of “insight” will appeal to adcoms will have a big advantage over someone who doesn’t know what to write. I think it’s idiocy.</p>
<p>Sally, none of the schools my daughter has applied to had a parent rec as an option. I think it’s a smashing idea and would have done it, if I’d had the opportunity. I think a letter from an applicant’s parents could reveal something profound: some real insight into the place that kid is coming from.</p>
<p>It also privileges applicants with parents who understand that admissions officers will expect parent recommenders to emphasize putting the applicant’s best foot forward in terms of his/her qualities/attributes. </p>
<p>Would have really been detrimental for most high school classmates whose parents feel they must "tell the whole truth…warts and all to the point of extreme bluntness or worse…parents who tend to emphasize their child’s shortcomings/negative attributes due to cultural reasons, strong dislike for that particular child, or other reasons. </p>
<p>These are issues that seem to be common in many traditional sub-cultures in various parts of the world where they feel children should rarely, if ever be complimented because performing satisfactorily or excelling should be expected as a matter of course and the fear such compliments would lead to spoiled entitled kids/people. Moreover, in those cultures, gushing about one’s own kids would be considered extremely crass at best…and always counted against both the parents and kids being gushed about. </p>
<p>Sadly enough, this mentality still plays out when in visiting friends who have excelled academically, graduated with top honors from tippy-top elite universities for undergrad/grad/professional school(Mostly med school with some highflying wallstreet/ibanking/consulting MBAs thrown in), and careers where they’d be considered successful even by the most crass materialist. </p>
<p>Whenever the topic turns to their kids…the parents would always berate them for some perceived shortcoming or for being less successful than their friends…including myself…even when by any objective measures…they’re paragons of success and their criticisms are couched so negatively to the point of the absurd to any observer with a shred of objectivity. </p>
<p>And those very same parents then wonder why their kids rarely visit or volunteer to help them when they have issues. If anyone…including family treated me the way those parents treat them…I’d wonder why they’re continuing to ask me for help when nothing I’d do is ever good enough to satisfy them and doing so only invites an endless torrent of nasty criticism.</p>
<p>Geneseo invited parents to submit something…I tried to add info not found anywhere in the application. Can’t imagine that anything I wrote will matter very much. I am biased :)</p>
<p>Post 9 -Sally said “When I applied to college four decades ago, there were no character counts that limited responses to questions nor pull-down menus that dictated how I described my extracurricular activities. Each year the application process seems to get more impersonal, and for some parents this causes more anxiety than having to capture their kid in a few hundred words…”.</p>
<p>I agree with this, but the fix should be to have an application that lets the student expand where necessary; not have the parents do it. If the college has time to read another recommendation, they can lengthen the application. I think parental input could inadvertently harm as well as help, and that’s not fair to the applicants. It’s their moment to put themselves forward and I don’t think the parents should have an opportunity to give a recommendation.</p>
<p>University of Rochester has it as an option. I had hubby write the letter. I personally thought it was great. Our children are more than just their high school record. My husband just wrote snippets of little things our son did over his younger years that showed us how intellectually curious, kind and well on the road to being an engineer from about the time he could walk. It was a funny, quirky letter, just like our son. We made sure it wasn’t braggy, or talked about his messy room, or how much we loved him, but gave them a different perspective. It talked about why we believed he was a good fit for the school.</p>
<p>I doubt it was make or break for his admissions, but if it gave them a little sense of who he was outside of achievements, than I’m glad to do it. For my son, I feel like the interview and the recommendations was his key to admissions. He’s one of those, to know him is to love him, but on paper I’m sure he looked just like the thousands of other applicants.</p>