<p>Greatlakesmom, thanks for writing so thoughtfully. I can also appreciate <em>not</em> attending a graduation! In a university, he might feel much more attached to his department where the learning occurred, rather than the university at large. It makes a lot of sense, and you're wise to follow his lead and not fuss with it.</p>
<p>The same daughter described above boycotted her own h.s. grad, because she was unhappy for four unfriendly years there. She had been telling me not to attend for some weeks prior. When she learned they were going to give her the "Most Improved Student Award" that sealed the deal. She took it as an insult. That school just never "got" her. She took an unheard-of combination of Honors Academics each morning and Vocational School in the afternoon, because the VoTech housed a "Media Studies" program that intrigued her, but taught her many ins and outs of TV, Radio and Theater production. She got into both the National Honor Society and the National Vocational/Tech Honor Society. That odd combination and double-legacy at Oberlin seemed to trump her bumpy grades in Math. At Oberlin she majored in Religion and Art and has been active in everything from improv comedy to the recent OCircus about to tour 5 cities this month. Despite her 5'0" height, she now can dance on stilts and taught it at their Experimental College as well. As wrong as her h.s. was for her, that's how right her college was for her. It's not always this kind of story, but in her case it was truly all about going from "poor-fit" to "right-fit." The moment she got to college, she was immediately accepted and befriended. Feeling "at home" and appreciated, she thrived academically, socially and emotionally for the next four years.
A ceremony means exactly as much as the student and family feel it means, no more and no less. Both of her grads, the h.s. one she boycotted and the college one she leapt for, both expressed her thoughts and feelings. As a parent, I feel honored just to witness it all unfold.</p>