Hello CC, I will be starting at my boarding school this September and I’m not 100% satisfied with it but I’ll give it a chance for a year and see if I like it. Anyway, being rejected from top boarding schools/schools I actually wanted to attend adds to my depression, and any time I see the name of one of these schools it makes me sad that I know I couldn’t get into them. This has gone to the point where I am jealous of one of my friends going to Phillips Academy. How should I deal with this depression/ jealousy? Any other advice? Thanks.
It’s very important to understand that getting accepted is a matter of selection, not qualification. Being rejected does not mean you were not qualified. All rejection/waitlist/acceptance dictates is what admissions officers thought of you. It’s just their opinion. Also, keep in mind that what really counts is what YOU do in the school. Who would succeed, a student who does nothing in a top boarding school or a student who makes a great positive impact in a less prestigious school? It’s all up to you; have confidence in yourself. Best of luck, and I hope you have a great high school experience.
A few thoughts (from a parent):
- There's always someone smarter, richer, better looking, and thinner than you. Learn and accept this now, before your life becomes a series of shoulda, coulda, wouldas...before you fall into the folly of comparing your own relative "successes" to those of others.
True story: 25 years ago, I applied early to Harvard. I was deferred, then denied. I was bummed. I went on to attend Penn, made life-long friends, learned a few things, and had current Harvard President Drew Faust as a teacher (twice). When she took over as president of Harvard, I wrote her an email. She wrote me back.
- While I mostly agree with dminor101 that getting accepted to selective BS (and colleges) "is a matter of selection, not [necessarily] qualification", I want to say something very frank to you (and future applicants). Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you aren't Andover material? And that there's nothing wrong with that?
When I encourage people new to the process to be brutally honest about their strengths and weaknesses, that’s pretty much the question I want them to ask themselves. Sure, they might have great grades, strong SSAT scores, and [insert ECs and other honors here]…but so does every other applicant to [INSERT NAME OF PRESTIGIOUS BOARDING SCHOOL HERE]. That’s not even to speak of the people who come on targeting the most selective schools with weaknesses in their transcript, scores, and EC profile.
- Also, please ask yourself what is it that you want to get out of boarding school? Hopefully "a great education" is at or near the top of the list. And if it is, rest assured that neither Phillips school has a lock on delivering that.
^I mean, it’s almost as close as you can get to a lock though…
Maybe “monopoly” would have been a better word choice?
Not even close to a lock.
Maybe you play baseball and “Andover” enrolled too many baseball players the prior year. The year you applied they needed gamers and absolutely did not want another baseball player - the point is the decision was made based on many things that were completely out of your control so why beat yourself up about it?
Once you are on your new campus, I promise you will no longer care nearly as much about the school that rejected you. Rejection is a sucky life lesson but a useful experience as it does tend to keep coming up in life. It is totally normal to feel depressed and envious but try not to stay in that space if you can at all talk yourself out of it.
The best thing you can do now is to give your new school a real chance to pleasantly surprise you. A school is what you make of it while you are there and the friends and teachers you are going to meet are going to have a lot to offer. It will be slightly different than what “Andover’s” teachers offer but that doesn’t in any way make them less worthy. You seem like a kid who can make friends wherever you land.
@SevenDad, what exactly do you mean by “Andover material”?
What you’re saying is I should work hard to get what I want out of my experience?
Saw this post from 2PrepMom
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Looking at a range of schools allows for “fit”.
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Think about your child; would they be happier near the top of their class in a “less selective” school (public, boarding or day) that had a strong program they loved in an area of interest (dance, equestrian, fencing), or in the bottom third at PE/PA? Which do you think colleges would be more interested in?
Fully half (!) the graduating class at the ultra-selective schools are in the bottom half of their class. They are all 4.0 95+ SSAT kids at entry. Their work is just as demanding, the hours just as long, and the outcome would have been debatably better at home or in a less selective school.
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This is extremely reassuring and it shows me that I have a great opportunity to work my hardest to be the best. Also do you think attending a smaller school hurts my college admissions chances? Is being number 1 in a class of 20 really that different from being number 1 in a class of 80/?
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Thanks for all of your help!
hi Incolatus, I can totally relate to you. The same thing happened to me this year when I was wait listed by all of my top schools. Every time I see something that reminds me of them, I get “triggered”. I am trying my best to move on, and I’m looking forward to starting at another boarding school. I wish you the best of luck.
DM’ing you.
How has your experience been thus far?