<p>Beautifully said, mtmommy. You have given us all something to think about. Thank you!</p>
<p>I think that children start learning to deal with disappointment when they are toddlers. I was one who tried to think before I used the word "no" and meant it when I said it. Temper tantrums did not bother me, I just told myself that disappointment was real and that we all had to learn how to deal with it in little bits and pieces. I HAVE been protective of my kids and probably controlling as well. When living in our home, my husband and I know where they are, who they're with and what they're doing pretty much all the time. We have curfews and rules in our house, like our midwestern parents did. My kids are pretty neat people and they thank me on a regular basis for being the parent I am. They aren't perfect by any means, but they're all pretty able to use good judgement, and are pretty adept at using statagies to deal with disappointments and failures. If I'm considered an "Orwellian" because I've filtered Hollywood values from my kids and told them no when they needed to hear it, so be it. (Smilie face)</p>
<p>I described this thread to my daughter this morning over breakfast and asked her how she would want me to deal with a "thin letter" (unopened) that arrived a couple of days before her next college audition. Her response was that she would want to see it; that rejection is part of the business; that if she couldn't cope with it now and move on then how would she handle the future; that it would motivate her to think through any thing she might want to adjust. I then asked her if a letter came in the day before or the day of an audition, would she feel the same or should I hide it (unopened) until after the audition so that it wouldn't distract her. She rolled her eyes, as only a 17 yr old daughter can do, and responded: "All of you parents on this board over think things. You are more concerned about these things than I am. Do what ever makes you feel comfortable. I'm too busy focusing on my auditions, going to rehearsals and taking care of what I need to do and don't have the time or interest to worry about this." I think I'll take her advice.</p>
<p>Our s. got the "thin letter" from his top choice yesterday, after an audition at another top choice in which they called him "amazing" and said he "had all the tools and knew how to use them." Then came a surprise invitation from yet another program. His eyes filled with tears when he got the letter he was dreading. But the next thing he did was to go down into the basement, and hit and hold the high G that Brian Stokes Mitchell holds in 'The Impossible Dream.' The dream does seem impossible right now; and we're all ready to throw in the towel.
But I guess every day is another day.</p>
<p>I know that most people here think the the BFA is the only way to the top , and I know I used to think this way also, but a little bit of encouragment in line with what people like Kat have said, the girl that just got Ariel in "The Little Mermaid" on Broadway got her BA in MT for Millikin, and in addition to that she is currently playing Christine in Phantom, so there are many diffrent ways to get to the same place. I know I will be dissapointed if I do not get into to the 4 BFAs I am auditioning for, but I know I would be happy at any of the schools I have applied to with BAs. So hang in there everyone and good luck! We will all end up where we are meant to be.</p>
<p>I know it's very tough not to be discouraged at a time like that but what DefyingGravity04 said is so true. Take a look at a Playbill from a major Broadway show. Odds are you will see many performers who started out with a BA and went on to an MFA. A BFA is not the holy grail of performing success. Some students need more time to grow and develop to their real potential. For others, the diversity of educational experience in a BA program makes them a more developed well rounded actor. When I was speaking with my daughter this morning about rejections, she felt very strongly that a rejection doesn't mean you are not talented and won't have future successes. In her view, all it means is that at that point in time, for whatever reason, what you present is not what the school is looking for at that time. Which to her means that even more important than whether the school thought you were a good match for it, it was not a good match for you. And from what you wrote, it certainly seems that your son will have other good opportunities on the horizon.</p>
<p>DG...great point that anyone can be successful coming from a variety of paths....but just to set the record straight, the girl who is cast as Ariel in the upcoming Broadway production of Little Mermaid, holds a BFA degree from Millikin in Musical Theater, not a BA.</p>
<p>There is an old thread devoted to where the 2005 Tony Award winners went to school. (Or if they did). There are many different paths to take.</p>
<p>Here is a link:</p>
<p>As to whether or not to give your child a possible rejection letter right before an audition, I think many of us do have a tendency to "overprotect" our kids and maybe at times be "controlling" and I know there are kids out there who can do all this on their own. But most of us have had to be there big time for our musical theater kids so they could be in the school play, take vocal lessons, dance classes, have monologue coaches, be in competitions, keep up their school work, buy and get music etc. as they were growing up I would think there are few who could get buy without parent managers (and I think most of us love it, what pride we have to help our kids and see such great results). The point I'm making here is two fold as they get ready for college they get ready to be independent maybe harder for us then for them, we're not used to it. Also, we're the ones who really know them so where it might be wrong to overprotect them and even deceive them by not giving them a possible rejection letter, we also might know when to make a better choice. They are just people and we all know that on some days/times we can take bad news better than others. My d woke up today for her 6th audition with a sore throat and totally exhausted. She did not feel her audition went well and she definately didn't feel like it went like the others. Today would not have been the day to give her a possible rejection letter, if it was a rejection she just would have coped less. As it was she did OK but not great. Tomorrow would have been a better time (if there is a better time). I guess as parents we hope we know our kids well enough to know when to use good judgement and at the same time always helping them to strive and grow as strong individuals who will have to be able to take lots of disappointment. It's even more scary when they've never really had to face it, where their schools, camps, and communities have embraced them and now its tough competition!</p>
<p>It seems like, most of the time, our teenagers handle the rejections better than we do, as parents who know they are talented! </p>
<p>It's definitely part of a life-long process if they go into this business.</p>
<p>I suppose I'm glad that my son started at a young age at a Children's Theatre, where he had almost as many rejections getting into shows as he did offers to be in shows. Sometimes it was also getting the "wrong" part - ensemble as opposed to a leading role. I really believe that these experiences as an older child and pre-teen helped him learn to get over a rejection much quicker than I do as a parent.</p>
<p>I have to weigh in here and share one of my proudest moments of my s’s career. In seventh grade despite never having been a theatre kid he was cast in the lead of the middle school show. He had to be excused from a few rehearsals and following his wishes, we didn’t share that he was going through extensive medical tests including a biopsy; though his performance didn’t suffer. The next year the director showed her displeasure by not even casting him in the show. He didn’t miss a beat, he told me he wanted to be part of the show no matter what, so he signed up for the pit band. </p>
<p>Despite this I would hold the envelope. I am sure it has to do more with my feelings than his and he would understand.</p>
<p>Jenifer</p>
<p>Jenifer, you should be proud! What an amazing young man your son is.</p>
<p>Good for him! You are right to be proud! My D is so coping so much better than I am. She's so busy that she doesn't have time to worry about it. Now that there is a lull for me after three months of being insanely busy, I'm climbing the walls!</p>
<p>Lisa, are you snubbing the game too?</p>
<p>This is truly one field where there is no set road to success. If you look at the "Alumni Notes" on many of the top-tier BFA program websites, many of their graduates aren't even performing anymore, some are teachers, some directors, while some are now in a completely different field!! In Broadway's "Golden Era" those performers didn't have a BFA school to hone their skills, they went to classes here and there or just had natural raw talent! I think that idea holds true today, take for instance the performers in the new Les Miserables revival.</p>
<p>BFA
CCM (5)
CMU
NYU (3)
U Mich
Boston Conservatory
Syracuse
Baldwin Wallace
Stephens College (Theatre)
Roosevelt University
Ithaca</p>
<p>BA
Yale (2 - was a Psychology major)
Columbia (English)
Duke (Science)
Washburn University</p>
<p>BS
Wharton School of UPenn</p>
<p>MFA
CCM</p>
<p>Other
AMDA
RADA</p>
<p>So as you can see, there is no one right way. A BFA while helpful isn't a guarantee to being successful in the industry while a BA in another subject means that you're "shut out of the race". There's a path for everyone and if you have the talent and the drive, you'll succeed no matter where you end up!</p>
<p>There are 2 UMers in the Les Miz revival - Alex Gemignani, Valjean, and Celia Keenan-Bolger, Eponine. :)</p>
<p>Ah you're right, I don't know why I thought he went to CCM. So that makes only 4 from CCM (the BFA program that is).</p>
<p>Thank you so much for being supportive in saying that our s. might not need a BFA.
He does want a BFA and has five auditions to go.
It's probably easier to be encouraging to a kid who hasn't been accepted to one school -- he went to all late auds b/c he's an athlete -- if your kid has been accepted to four.
I wish he were in those shoes, and his joy for his friends is not tainted with envy -- although mine is!
BUT, I will be proud of him no matter what because never ONCE did I refer to his college process as "WE went here" or "WE auditioned there." Never once did I do his application for him or write an essay for him If he doesn't get into any, he may work for a year and try again. He may change majors and keep MT as a hobby. He may get a knitted hat and learn to play guitar.
It's his life.
We're only here to support him in his choices, and try to guide him to the right ones.
But I don't think it would be much solace to him right now to tell him he could probably stay close to theater by being a critic b/c he's a good writer (LOL).
BTW Nobody asked me, but unless our kid was in danger or doing something we thought was a felony, we'd never search his room or his mail. Our son is young, seventeen until the end of the year, but we would never open or withhold his mail. It's a crime to open someone else's mail and a violation of that person's privacy to keep it from him/her. This is only my opinion, but we don't think of "us" going to theatre school: It's our son may or may not do that. We have seven kids and each of them deserves the same consideration, whatever his or her talent turns out to be.
We didn't arrange his lessons, or nag him to practice or pay for his dance shoes. He had to. So he may not be so accomplished as some of the kids we see at auditions, but he also doesn't swear at us, or tell his dad to shut up as we saw a girl do yesterday at the school that was so impressed with him or throw his dance bag or ever forget to offer to carry my suitcase.
We didn't make that devil's bargain.
It may not add to his resume as a performer; but he has a great resume as a human being.
I've had that feeling in life too -- boy, glad it's not me! I'm so glad MY kid was the one chosen, which I've heard from parents who are acquaintances and not on this discussion board -- but I've always repented it later.
As for him, he took the rejection with pain, and tried to hang tough.
He took it far better than I did. He let us hug him, and tell him that in our mind, he's a star and it's early days yet.
Because I work in a business in which rejection is a daily thing, I always tell him, "If not this, then the next.. if not today, then tomorrow."
It's not always true, but though pure talent doesn't always win, hard work always does.
And I have no idea why I got on such a soapbox!!!! ROFL.
I guess it's because having been to four auditions now, I've seen SO many spoiled kids with weary moms carrying their bags and reminding them to stretch... I just .... WOW! Those kids must be fun to live with!
Anyway, best of luck to everyone at Unifieds in Chicago.</p>
<p>I APPLAUD YOUR SOAPBOX ! !</p>
<p>I realize that many parents want to be supportive, but in some cases, they can cross the line, and become too invested in the process. </p>
<p>I work with a woman who "helped" her child with the college process. (not MT) And, while in college, her D sent her papers to her for editing. She came to work in a tizzy one day - a prof had sent one of the papers into something for publication -- but, turns out that Mom had done more than edit that one - she wrote it! (D was just SOOO busy!!) Obviously, didn't really want to let it go, but couldn't admit to what she'd done.</p>
<p>An acquaintance of mine who is the head of a college theatre dept. has said that in recent years, he has been fielding more and more calls from parents questioning casting of shows. This is just so wrong on so many levels!</p>
<p>I have also seen some rather appalling behavior at auditions, and I don't know about everywhere, but I can tell you at a couple of schools that I am very familiar with, there are people who report back to the powers that be about happenings in the halls. I suppose if the talent is great enough, it might outweigh attitude, but with the fact that most schools are in the single digit admittance rates - there are other exceptionally talented kids who aren't demonstrating diva tendencies.
[quote]
though pure talent doesn't always win, hard work always does.
[/quote]
Sometimes, in the brief space of an audition, hard work is not necessarily as evident as pure talent, but once the kids are in school, it surely comes through. An amazing opportunity came my D's way, because someone noticed her work ethic.</p>
<p>In a business that has a huge component of self-promotion, I think the more independent and self-motivated ones will be the ones more willing to hit the audition trail, and not wait for opportunities to come their way.</p>
<p>mamalot,</p>
<p>BRAVO! Although I take your post very seriously, I had to laugh when I read the part about mail being a private thing. My daughter and I were having dinner last night in the restaurant attached to the Palmer House, meaning, there were college reps all around us (we could tell by conversations we were overhearing), students/parents coming in and out, etc. </p>
<p>So under this 'pressure' I asked my daughter about the mail situation. Her first response was, "that's illegal". To make it clear, she said no one should be doing anything to interfere with the delivery of someone's private mail, no matter what the timing. She was very adamant about it and told me to never withhold any mail from her. She just kept saying, "that's sooo wrong... it's illegal." So yes, she would feel like her privacy was being violated.</p>
<p>Then I read your observation of a child telling their parent to shut up, and laughed, because I quickly got the feeling (after hearing my daughter's passion on this mail issue) that had I just told my daughter in public that I'd withheld mail, she'd yell at me, too, no matter where we were!</p>