<p>LesMis777, </p>
<pre><code> I very much appreciate your honesty and kind words. I'd never participated in an online discussion before I came here and at first I was a little leary. It seemed that no one ever talked about their fears, doubts or their child's difficulties, only how great their kids were. This thread has been a huge help to me in an anxious and difficult time and I'm grateful for the real people who have shared here.
</code></pre>
<p>Don't want to share this with my d but after 6 auditions I'm feeling down, we are in nowhere land with one deferral, 2 auditions that were good but not great, and 3 that felt great but who knows. She's not feeling well right now, discouraged? or maybe just getting sick. This is a very difficult time with most of her friends getting into top choices and everyone warning her that this is a very tough field and she better get used to rejections. Without an acceptance yet I feel a need to make sure that spirits stay high for upcoming auditions and it becomes tempting to second guess: are the songs right? are the monologues right? etc.</p>
<p>Hi Shellipearl, </p>
<pre><code> Hang in there. As alwaysamom says, it's totally normal to feel down at this point and you're not the only one. I bundled up and took a long walk this afternoon and it helped. Many schools don't notify kids until March or even April. Try to take good care of yourself and make sure that you and your D are eating well. (Especially if she's down or getting sick!) It's easy to start eating junk when I'm feel down and I swear it only makes me feel worse! Is she done auditioning or do you have some left?
</code></pre>
<p>This is a particularly tough time in the audition cycle for our kids. They've gone through a number of auditions with more to come. Between 1st semester school responsibilities and audition pressures, they're tired and stressed. There have been ups and downs and the emotional rollercoaster can take its toll. The weather in the northeast is frigid and often overcast and the thought of packing everyone up in the car for another roadtrip is itself enough to make us all weary. At times it feels like the best we can say is another few weeks and it's over.</p>
<p>At times like this, I try to focus my thoughts on what's really important - chocolate martinis made with Three Olives Vanilla Vodka and Godiva chocolate liquor - lots of Godiva. A couple of them and the stress just seems to evaporate. </p>
<p>But more seriously, the best we can do at this point is to encourage our kids to take a mental break. Go out on the weekend with friends, see a movie, do anything other than talk or think about auditions and college. Our kids still in many ways take cues from us. If they see us fretting about their auditions and college, they can't help but to do so too. And I think it's so important that we resist the temptation to question or to suggest to our kids anything to do we their audition selections. Leave that to them or to their teachers, coaches or whoever is working with them. They've come this far and if we begin to question them, it can't help but to undermine their self-confidence and cause them to second guess themselves. Instead, if anything needs to be said, we should just tell them how hard we know they have worked and how much progress we have seen, that we have confidence in them.</p>
<p>Just my thoughts. Hang in there.</p>
<p>It seems my original post was unintentionally taken to a different level about what parents do and don't do for their kids. I'll be the first one to admit that I did my fare share of tasks that I wouldn't trust my daughter to do regarding these auditions... first of all being that I would not give her my credit card information to even fathom scheduling flights, rental cars, hotels, etc. Had I, we might have ended up at 5-star hotels in a suite, driving a Jaguar, and flying first class! I also did a lot of the scheduling because these trips had to be compatible with my work schedule also, and since I am not a regular 40-hour a week worker (my schedule changes from week to week, and I often work 2/4 weekends a month), this gets complicated. When it comes to financial resources, I make the choices. However, I would highly respect the parent who said, "$_____ is your college audition budget. Figure it out." But I couldn't do that.</p>
<p>But the kind of emotional growth that can come from allowing your child to experience the painful parts of life, I will not protect her from. Shellipearl, my daughter, too, has been sick this past week for Unifieds (sinus infection with bad sore throat, clogged ears, and somewhat dormant asthma reappearing). She just came out of a play last weekend (we all know they get sick after the letdown of a play being over) which she chose to be in knowing it ran the weekend before Unifieds. I could have told her no, she couldn't be in it, but I think this lesson will stick with her longer this time, about overcommitment. So what if doesn't receive any acceptances from the rounds this week? She rethinks her strategies and forges ahead if she wants it bad enough. I think sometimes it's me who prefers to see her do the traditional "leave home right after high school" routine. I do think that kids who don't leave home right after their senior year of high school are at higher risk of not going to college at all, so I do want to make sure my daughter goes somewhere, because I value so much of what the college experience is about, just as Sarahsmom spoke of previously.</p>
<p>Several times I thought about asking auditors what percentage of the kids they're seeing this week that are 100% healthy? I'll be it's not very many. As you walked down the hallways, were in the elevators, etc., you could hear the coughing, sniffling, sneezing, etc., everywhere. My daughter's in no different boat than many of the kids when it comes to that, which is why we scheduled a few auditions back in the fall before the germs became unavoidable. She has gone out of her way to avoid 'seeming' sick (tries to hold coughing back) when auditioning because she doesn't want pity. Now, some kids do reach a point where they're too sick to audition - I saw one today who said he was running a fever and was waiting to throw up. I don't know if he made it through today. But that truly sucks, feeling like you have no control over any of your choices/options. A couple of people have asked my daughter if she was not feeling well (after having coughing fits), and she was honestly able to say that she was having a bit of a problem getting her asthma under control due to the extreme cold (and dryness in the hotel) - a legitimate reality. I thought about taping a sign to her back that said, "Not Contagious", because I'm sure some people thought she should be tested for whooping cough!</p>
<p>I do know, that given the circumstances, she did her best, felt good about most of her auditions, and will be satisfied with her answers (yes/no) based on feedback. I don't think she had any particular advantage or disadvantage over the majority of kids there, despite her not feeling up to par. </p>
<p>Remember, there's always next year; in fact, I heard many kids say they were a year out of high school reauditioning... some saying that they did horrible at Unifieds last year due to being sick. But they were motivated, and persevered.</p>
<p>No, my goodness, I don't think anyone would equate those experiences.
My children actually WERE told that their dad was dying of cancer.
Unlike a rejection, even from a long-held dream -- such as the one my s. -- held for Michigan, the experiences just aren't comparable, UNLESS the child has had priorities scrambled.
I know that (despite the pain in the rear I am to them!) my older children would welcome any professional disappointment rather than that kind of news.
And no one would think that your post was insensitive. We are all doing our best... just doing our best....
My s's rejection was his fault. He did not give the accompanist a correct tempo he paid for it. But he learned a HUGE lesson. HUGE.
We are all for one and all for all here.</p>
<p>Just got back from the bathroom where I tried not to gag up at the thought of chocolate and olives! LOL
But yes, it is a terribly stressful time. We, in fact, cancelled one audition for next weekend, to a very hopeful school, to give our s. time to maximize his potential for the others by getting some much-needed rest.
As an athlete with the season just ended. having had the lead in the high school musical (not THAT high-school musical) just before Christmas (he didn't choose it; he was drafted but found it a terrific experience) he's just about worn to the nub.
We, in fact, offered to cancel the audition --- to his shock because we thought, better he shine at the few left than drag himself to yet one more.
It is soooooo hard.
As someone committed to a theater and atheltic schedule, he's seeing so MANY, MANY friends joyously throwing their books into the air and crying, "I'm in! I'm in! It's all fun and games from here on!"
And our s. doesn't know if he'll end up in Missouri or Indiana or Illinois or NOWHERE.....
I realize that sometimes I sound strident here and sometimes I sound weary and sometimes I sound compassionate and sometimes I sound like a pain in the butt.
Well, those are all the things I'm feeling, though I try to present the same Mom-face to my s. every day so that he doesn't take any of that on...</p>
<p>Oh Marianne,
If only it were true that there's a place for everyone. I know a brilliant girl who is a beautiful singer and actor, a swan, not the greatest actor but competent who got rejected TWICE from her top school. She was so game she went back after a year. If only kids really DID NOT need an education to take the next step -- like the old days. And if only we didn't WANT that education for them.</p>
<p>I may sound like I'm all about independence, but I held my son as I did when he was ten until he turned away after this rejection; and it has to be only one of several to come. I hope there are some bright spots, too.</p>
<p>You guys are the only ones I can talk to about this....</p>
<p>Mamalot and others:</p>
<p>And we are here to listen - I do think that our parent blogging is very helpful as we help our kids face this college issue- which is stressful for us as well as them. We need to support ourselves and each other as we keep our 'game face' on. </p>
<p>There are students who read this forum as well. Just know that, as parents, we only want what is best and we will always love you and support you in your endeavors.</p>
<p>I do believe there is a place for everyone, however sometimes it takes longer to find that place. I have a former student who could be the girl you just described. Beautiful, smart, talented, nice and we all thought she was a for sure. Nope...rejected everywhere, she went to our in-state university and reauditioned the next year, this time one top school recognized her talent and accepted her (for her privacy I won't say which school), she went there for a year and a half and decided to transfer back to the University in state. She liked the "top" school but discovered she missed studying other things. So even though it was a long road she finally found her place and oddly enough it was where she began.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have another student with the same story but decided not to reaudition and is still not happy and searching for the right place. I know she will find it eventually (trying semester at sea now).</p>
<p>I also believe that for some kids a college degree is not the answer and they will work without one. </p>
<p>I remember each of these girls coming to me with all the letters of rejection and my heart was broken. My own child got several before the acceptances came in and you can't help but take it personally. Just keep holding him because next year at this time you can only hold them over the phone. </p>
<p>Okay, I've rambled enough. Enjoy the ride because even though it may not seem fun at the time when you get off, sometimes you wish you could go again. Yikes.
Marianne</p>
<p>I think that there is a place for everyone. It may not be the school that is their top choice... but sometimes the second (or even third choice) can end up being the best place. As many have said on this board, there are many paths to a career as a performer (and many different paths that an actual career takes).</p>
<p>This is why it is auggested that students apply to many different schools and types of programs. Also, to make sure that you can truly be happy at your "safety school". </p>
<p>People always needed education to take the next step as a performer. In the past people got much of that trainng "on the job"... or outside of the educational arena (private lessons, dance clasees, acting coaches, and classes) The studio system in Hollywood trained it's own actors, but also owned their careers for a period of time. Some people still choose to forgo the academic educational experience for more "hands-on" outside of school training. There are many different ways to real a similar goal. </p>
<p>I love your comment that as a parent you "WANT that education for them". Education is a wonderful gift! One that some young people may not fully appreciate at the time, but ultimately will grow to fully appreciate and understand. :)</p>
<p>This has been an exceptional discussion on this very somber topic, full of the honest feelings that so many of us share during this pivotal season. Years of hope and the dreams that many of our kids have had since they were small are finally being tested in the real world. We may know that acceptances are not the only way to those dreams, but for many, this their first professional feedback, and it's effect is powerful. The support here is such a comfort for students and parents alike. This is the best of what this community is all about. Thanks, guys.</p>
<p>This is just breaking my heart, I want so badly for all of these kids dreams to come true! And my heart goes out to you parents who I know have worked so hard helping and supporting your kids. One thing, through adversity comes depth of character, which will only help the ability to connect and more fully form a character on stage. Hang in there, things happen from and when you least expect it!</p>
<p>I wouldn't open any personal mail, but I open everything from colleges. My S is away at school, so we open official letters from his college (usually bills, registration info etc.) and give him the message. And, since I have been my D's "office manager" through this whole audition process (for the second year!) it's important that I read and file all audition and admissions- related correspondence. However, if she receives a letter which clearly seems to be an acceptance/rejection, I'd leave it for her, or call her and ask if she'd like me to open it. And, just as an aside, haven't you found this entire MT admissions process to be very much a family project? Between setting up files and schedules, paying for applications and auditions, and coordinating and arranging for transportation to all the different auditions, it's easy to see why MT parents might have an especially strong emotional investment in the outcome. Our talented little darlings should have nothing to say to us but "Thanks, Mom and Dad."</p>
<p>Singalong Mom, I think every parent that posts here operates on the same principles as you've shared. As far as having a college student away at school, it if doesn't look urgent (or like a bill), I send all unopened stuff to my daughter, except for this term since she is in London. If it's addressed to her, and it looks important (and is not a bill), I always get her permission before opening it. </p>
<p>I agree about the family endeavor, because this would be an almost impossible journey without the full respect and support of the whole family. Granted, my husband had nothing to do with the 'office manager' role, but everytime we were gone to visit a school, someone had to hold down the fort, make sure the dog was tended to, etc. And yes, we have an emotionally strong investment, but when we get to the point where we're interferring with our kids lives, then our investment has gone too far. Sometimes I know parents (not necessarily anyone on this board) who choose to handle things in certain ways are protecting themselves more than their children. Because we know when they do get those rejection letters, it is painful for us to see them hurt, so we do anything to lessen the blow. Many times when my daughters have faced rejection, and I am having a harder than usual time dealing with it, it's because it has stirred up some rejection I had when I was around her age. As the adult, though, it's my responsibility to ask myself what my job is in this process, and it's to be able to separate my own fears and hurts so that I can be there for my kid in an adult, growth-enhancing, compassionate way. One of the hardest things I do as a parent is to minimize how my old baggage interferes with what's best for my children. Because when I do, I never regret the outcome. </p>
<p>Several years ago when I was applying to grad school as a second career change, it was quite a lengthy process I went through. I keep thinking that, had anyone at home held back or opened my application acceptances(there were several steps along the way) due to other things going on in my life, I would be furious that someone completely took that control out of my hands without prior permission.</p>
<p>Mizlyn writes that this has been a very exceptional, somber, honest discussion. As I sat in on the NYU information session today and watched two separate parents completely embarass their children by comments and questions, I thought, wow, I'm doing OK with this. In three days I haven't done anything to totally embarass my kid or interfere in their interviews/auditions. Sure I had questions or comments I wanted to ask/share, but I kept my mouth shut, because this has to be my daughter's deal, not mine... however, every information session we attended answered every important issue that parents need to be concerned about. If my question was of an urgent nature, I asked it individually (such as are they running on time, etc.). But yes, to be honest about our parenting always involves checks and balances, which this forum has provided for many of us.</p>
<p>Well, it had to come out sometime.. D was kind of down after school and we had planned a shopping trip to check out the sales and pick up some nice black pants. After trying on a couple of things at the mall, she walked out of the dressing room looking as if she were going to cry. She proclaimed that she hated all of the styles right now because they only look good on anorexic girls. (She's tall and thin, but not stick skinny) I tried to tell her she looked great, and she did, but wanted to forget the shopping and head home. On the way she told me that she was really starting to worry and that she wished that she'd have applied to more schools. I just listened and told her that I knew she was worried.
After we got home I encouraged her to go for a workout and told her I had to run some quick errands. While I was out I called in the support team, her dance instructor, her theatre director, her voice teacher. They all agreed to call her tonight. I brought back some sure fire cute selections from a shop in town and by the time my husand got home, she was all fired up again. I'm flippin exhausted and we have to leave at 7:00 a.m. Thank goodness I have my stuff packed! My sisters and their families are lighting candles for all our kids this weekend, every little bit helps!<br>
Parents and students, keep the faith! Many schools have not finished auditioning and will not make decisions until March. These great kids are going to be ok because they have the love and support of this whole community and their family and friends. I wish you peace.</p>
<p>It's so great to see such a support system from all the parents on this forum!
I've been on this forum for a little over a year now and I don't know if it's just because I'm actually going through the auditions now for the first time or what, but it seems like this season is especially wrought with uncertainity from kids about their auditions and where they'll eventually end up.</p>
<p>I know my mom is worried that I'm not gonna end up anywhere, but mostly that I'm not gonna end up at a school where I really want to go. I've taken this whole process into my own hands, my mom is too busy to help me with things (and also is not nearly as computer savy ;) ) but I like feeling that I have a hold on things. When I was a senior in high school I had appiled to schools all on my own, the only thing my parents were involved in was the one visit to the school where I ended up attending for my first year. So I'm used to having the weight of applications, deadlines, hotel/travel arrangements on my shoulders...for some reason I like having it that way. I have my mom's support and that's all I need, the rest is up to me. The only thing I hate is having to find out, basically at the last minute, where I'll be accepted or not, but that's just the way this process works.</p>
<p>There was much uncertainty last year, too, as we met people along the audition trail. Maybe it wasn't vocalized as much as this recent thread, but it was there - I assure you! The above discussion seems to be a good outlet for parents. I'll be thinking of you. I'm sorry some of your kids have been sick. That only adds to the stress.</p>
<p>I just finished all my auditions at unifieds,soim not just waiting and my heart really goes out to everybody who last year didnt get in anywhere and who this year arent sure. Cause i know all you guys are so talented. When i was at unifieds, they was not one person there who could not sing amazingly, everybody was good...and the audition people for CMU actually said, that this year they had twice as many auditioning than last year.You guys should be so proud of yourselves for coming this far. I know that i havent met you and in still proud of you, im justso positive that everything WILL work out for you, this is definetly not the end of the road. <3</p>
<p>Oh, I'm going through the same thing.
Our son sez he's just not the "one that they want." Unifieds yesterday was a hell of phermones and anxiety. People were running around with dehumidifiers and those surgical things you use to get your lung function back after surgery -- the units people use to blow into and make a ball go up? It was bedlam on that floor. My son auditioned only for Webster -- any Webster folk out there?
The director was REALLY NICE, and our s. had prepared a tape for him to take back with him but he said that was necessary only if the auditor was NOT the director (s. thought it meant, don't bother, son). He played for the audition and had trouble with the up-tempo song...but our son was worried he couldn't see him because he was talking notes the whole time. They talked. He did a double pirouette. He reworked his monologue and eliminated a trace of an accent on the word "dog." (S. originally did this at 15 and had to song as though he was from Kentucky). Then it was goodbye.
Is that how they all are?
Indiana, Miami and Viterbo next. What in the heck is Viterbo (except a place in Italy?)
He's agonizing that he didn't apply to enough schools either.</p>