<p>My boyfriend and I have been going out for three years-- since the beginning of 9th grade. We're seniors in high school now, and beginning to apply to colleges. I'm hoping to go to one of the top UC's (Berkeley, Davis, LA), Cal Poly SLO, or a competitive private school. He's planning on going to a community college and then transferring to a four-year, so he has a lot of choices as to where to go. Location-wise, staying together wouldn't be too much of a problem. Has anybody tried to keep a relationship through college? Does/could it work? We've been through a lot, (or as much as high school kids could go through together), and we've been best friends since I was 11 years old. We really do want to try to make it work. What kind of problems would we run into, and are any somewhat avoidable?</p>
<p>relationships are a waste of time</p>
<p>you’ll either get dumped, divorced or cheated on and thats if you can even etget won going in the first place.</p>
<p>there’s absolutely no point. forget about it.</p>
<p>^ One =/= Won</p>
<p>You should not factor your relationship into your school choice whatsoever. That is not what this question is about, but just saying.</p>
<p>far from the eyes, even further from your heart</p>
<p>Strange replies so far, not sure what the people above me are even talking about. LOL Sometimes i think people just type random thoughts here to get their post count up. </p>
<p>Honestly, if you approach this with a mature mindset, and continue to look long term or at least 4-8 years down the road. IDK though because life is extremely un-predictable. So many things could and more than likely will happen between now and graduation. College WILL change you and your BF, more so than highschool. </p>
<p>Get used to emotional pain, LOL. Thats a fact.</p>
<p>One problem you may come by is that you and him will both be learning new things, having new experiences, and growing as individuals. You may become, in a sense, different people as you learn and mature. He may not be the same boy upon college graduation, and you may not be the same girl. That is the problem I had with a boyfriend I dated in high school and college. It didn’t work out, but that’s not to say yours won’t. Maybe you’ll both change in positive ways that strengthens the relationship. Maybe you’ll change in ways that pull you apart.</p>
<p>I think an important thing to make long distance relationships work is to have a plan. You need to decide how long you would plan to be apart (for instance, 2 years until he transfers somewhere near you), how long you could be apart if your plans don’t work out (4 years or more if he can’t transfer near you), and how long both of you are willing to wait. Having a ldr where it just goes on and on with no end in sight rarely works out. </p>
<p>I disagree with the idea that you shouldn’t consider your boyfriend in your school choices whatsoever. It definitely shouldn’t be your first priority, but if it comes down to two similar schools, then the people you care about should rank higher than say, which city you like more or which school has better dorms. Some people choose to go to school near home because they want to be near their family or friends and since you have obviously been in this relationship for a very long time, I think it’s fair to say its similar. But you just have to factor in that you may break up and you need to be happy with your school choice regardless of any relationships.</p>
<p>First off, do NOT choose your college based on your significant other. </p>
<p>With that said, yes relationships can work. Most do not, but some can. I was with my now ex fiance from 9th grade til my sophomore year of college. I do not regret being with him, despite the fact that our relationship ended. We ended because we just grew and changed into other people- and that’s ok! (We went through a lot too- homelessness, drug addiction, legal issues, etc). OTOH, I have a friend who has been with her boy since she was a junior and they’re going along quite well (he just graduated college, she is a junior in college). </p>
<p>Relationships can, and do, last from high school through college. However, realize that you will be growing and you may grow apart. It’s ok. Change is a normal part of life. Sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. The most important thing is that you let that happen and don’t cling to the past (ie the people that you were when you first started going out in 9th grade).</p>
<p>Don’t put your relationship as first priority for school choice. If your relationship is strong enough, you’ll stay together, even long distance. And seeing as you’ve been best friends for a long time, I think you’ve got a good chance of making it work. The key is communication. When I see long-distance couples break up, a lot of times, it’s because they don’t know how to communicate long distance. My parents were in a long-distance relationship for two years before they got married, and they’ve been married for 20 years and counting. They wrote letters to each other every day and called whenever they had the money (it was international long distance). My friend broke up with her boyfriend after a summer of long-distance, though, because neither of them were really sure how to handle the distance/communication problem. But remember this–if you love it, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be.</p>
<p>Maintaining a relationship at college is very hard.</p>
<p>Mine fell apart. It was so beautiful, so long, and I always made the time for her. I even came and visited on weekends and we’d talk for hours.</p>
<p>And then…one thing that had united us was that neither of us were into partying, drinking, etc. But she started to get involved in that, and in doing so, decided she wanted some more freedom with other guys who went to these parties. It was really tough to take; still not really over it.</p>
<p>My advice?</p>
<p>Do all you can to make it work, but know that things that seem very unbreakable are really just fragile. People change a lot in their college-aged years; it’s growing up. And sometimes growing up leads us to grow apart. Be prepared and ready that what you think will never end actually can, but give it your honest effort to stay together. If it’s meant to be, you’ll work it out. If not, it’s for the best when it ends. I wish you the best; I know what it’s like, and it’s really, really agonizing to watch it fall apart and you’re so far away from each other there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I hope yours is successful.</p>