<p>So for the majority of my life, I have been a christian, a really devoted one too. Recently though, I have come to the conclusion that religion is fake and used to mislead people. (No disrespect to the religious though, I actually admire you for sticking to your faith). That said I was on the worship team and now I quit. The problem is, my dad, who happens to be really religious (really ironic really), won't let me quit. Not because he wants me to stay Christian, BUT BECAUSE I NEED TO WRITE IT ON MY COLLEGE APPS. I mean really, being a Christian I can't believe you would want me to lead an entire congregation just for the sake of college apps even though I don't believe. Sorry guys I just need to get it out. Any advice on how to get him to leave me alone?</p>
<p>There are plenty of ways to get involved in the community and school without being forced to pursue false beliefs. You should just explain to your father that there are other ways you can become involved for this purpose. Self-identity is more important than an activity to put on your college application. </p>
<p>Furthermore, it is ill-advised to continue any activity you do not enjoy. Yes, high school is an important time to become involved, but it is also your life that you are leading, not his. Passion is more important than quantity, no matter to which colleges you apply.</p>
<p>Find activities that YOU enjoy that can replace your worship team on the college app. If your dad really just wants you to stay in the group because you can write it for your college app, you shouldn’t have a problem replacing it with one of those activities you enjoy, unless he really wants you to remain in the group to stay Christian.</p>
<pre><code> What is a worship team and how is it a good EC anyway? Even for the believers, how is religious activity an EC of value outside of religious schools? How does a religious activity even get on your list of ECs?
</code></pre>
<p>
Religious activities can allow applicants to show leadership, dedication, focus, etc. in the same way that non-religious activities do. </p>
<p>OP, as a parent I hope to add a little perspective. As you become an adult, you will gain more autonomy, but for those years between where you are now, and a college graduate, your decisions will be sort of a blend of yours and your parents. You are of course free to choose what you believe and what you don’t believe, and regardless of that, you are also going to choose your actions and decide what is worth creating family stress or not. </p>
<p>There are other aspects of religion that involve your family being together: holidays, get togethers, life events such as weddings, and one thing that religion does is provide a framework for your family when you are together. People don’t have to share the same beliefs to participate. Even when you go to college, you will return for breaks and your family might ask you to go to church with them. It is possible for you to do this and also be an atheist if you do it not from a place of belief but from a place of consideration and being together. One you are independent with your own place, you can do what you want. </p>
<p>Nobody can force you to be on the praise team, but it it worth the family conflict over it? It is possible to have leadership and other valuable experiences in religious activities. It’s up to you, but IMHO, consider that creating a divide and hurt feelings at the moment isn’t worth the battle. </p>
<p>I also looked at some of your other posts, and it seems- from your point of view- that your dad is pretty strict with what he wants you to do. This is a challenge for you, but your dad is your dad and learning how to get along with him, while becoming your own person, is something you will need to do. Adult children learn to deal with this in different ways, and in rare cases, a relationship isn’t possible, but for now, you are dependent on your parents and hopefully can make it work and still have a good relationship with your parents. In fact, the way financial aid works is that you are considered a dependent all through college, up to I think age 26, so consider that this too will be a combination of what you want and what your parents want. </p>
<p>I think it is possible that your father wants you to be on the worship team for many reasons, but it can be a legitimate leadership position. If you have other interests that you want to pursue, your dad may be more accepting as long as you remain on the worship team too. In this way, you can expand your activities without an argument. If you respond to his requests with an argument, then he may respond with authority, but perhaps if you respond with - OK dad, I understand you want me to continue this, and then add some other clubs on, he may not feel as if his request is ignored. This can happen with college choices too, and your list may become a combination of his/ours/yours.</p>
<p>So, you are questioning your religion and you will come to terms with what you choose to do, but know that sometimes these ideas change over time. Once in college, you will have more space to decide. Hopefully you don’t have to let it cause issues between you and your dad at the moment, which may be better in the long run. </p>
<p>
I definitely agree with this, but there’s a difference between what you describe here and what might be expected of someone with a leadership position in a church. It’s possible that the OP’s activity requires her to actively profess belief in what the church teaches, so her father is asking her to lie. I know it’s not a big deal to everyone, but lying about something like this would make me feel icky. </p>
<p>I agree, that would be tough. I don’t know how to handle that, and a strict father though. I guess it depends on what the OP’s role is and what kind of church. It could be leading a service or publically proclaiming faith depending on the practices of that church. </p>
<p>Thanks for all your responses guys!
To clarify, the worship team is basically for the most devout in my church. You’re expected to follow Christian ideas at all time and maybe even give testimonies and sermons, including but not limited to: anti gay marriage, slut shaming, and atheist condemning all of which I am against.
Also, if I go back I will be constantly harassed by the adults about my faith and if I disagree, they will make me do one on ones until I convert back.
I do not mind doing church casually, but to constantly lead something that I do not believe in destroys my conscience.
I have talked to my dad; he’s accepted me being atheist and is fine with everything. He wants me to go on faking for the next 2 years and then I can do whatever I want when I graduate.</p>
<p>This is an ethical dilemma- as your father is asking you to say things you don’t mean.
Since I am not your parent, I don’t have advice as to what to do immediately. I think this needs more discussion with your father. He is asking you to compromise your integrity, and this is something that the two of you need to come to an understanding about.</p>
<p>Difficult - considering your dad wants you to fake being devout yet he assumedly <em>is</em> devout…</p>
<p>Not to be facetious, but if you push that the decision to quit the worship team is “between you and God” a la Jesus in the desert with the devil, can you avoid the one on ones and so on and perhaps continue to do good works in another way. Like, get involved with a food bank, homeless shelter, etc. Show that (I’ll assume) you believe that Jesus said some good stuff that is worth following, and that you are taking care of the least of your brothers in a different way.</p>
<p>My son has given some great opportunities up because of his sense of honor and integrity (we are atheists too). Ask yourself, if you stay strong and tell your father that you cannot continue on the worship team, what will be the consequences? </p>
<p>If it is literally a matter of having a great EC, I can tell you that a worship team, a group of people who are very devout and espouse anti-diversity principles as you state, is not going to be a good EC. I feel that if he thinks the worship team is going to be a great EC, he is looking at a religious university for you, and I don’t think that would be a good fit, based on what you said.</p>
<p>The possible harm is being true to yourself - as an atheist, if I am attending a funeral mass, I am sitting, standing, kneeling, and shaking hands as we are told to do. I don’t feel that is betraying my belief system. But I am not associating myself with devout followers within their organization. I feel that is the key thing here - it is no longer your church, you cannot join the worship team because you are not a believer. You quit the worship team, you can give your regrets, and say that you can’t make such a serious commitment, without explaining that you are an atheist. I believe it is fine to continue to participate in church events and go through the motions that a guest would be expected to do. Churches often do a lot of good works. But I foresee some very negative things happening if you back off and rejoin the worship team.</p>
<p>I know it is tough with a strict parent, but somehow perhaps you can convince him that a few months off the worship team, for you and him to talk about it and what other EC you can start, would be beneficial to you.</p>
<p>I remained going and volunteering at a mosque up until right before I was 18, way after I was disillusioned with how many things were run (granted, I didn’t hate the whole religion, just the culture and artificial, man made parts of it). Point being, though I disagreed with a lot of what was going on, I used it as an opportunity for widening my perspective and taking parts in activities that weren’t exclusively religious, as well as teaching the younger ones that everything wasn’t as it appeared.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing… you can take the opportunities the Christian activities give you and use them to shape and promote your own beliefs and ideals (if that’s what you want).</p>
<p>I haven’t really read anyone else’s responses, so sorry if it sounds like I’m repeating anything :c </p>
<p>It seems like religion is important in your family (or at least to your father). If he’s forcing you to do things you don’t believe in, then that’s completely wrong. To be honest, if I were in your position I would straight-up tell the leader of the club thing that you’re athiest so he can kick you out, no matter what your father says. Of course, this isn’t the best way to solve things, but it does seem pretty fun 
Seriously though, stick up for what you believe in. It’s not worth going against your own morals and beliefs just to do something for a college app, especially if you know you can’t stand it and you’re literally being forced to do it. I’m not saying that you should literally just kick yourself out like that, but if you have to stay in the club, then just do less work I guess? </p>
<p>What I think is really messed up is how your dad is forcing you to pretend to be Catholic, though. That’s literally like if a son came out to his father, and the father said, “Oh, I’m fine with you being gay. It’s just for the next few years, act straight. Don’t be yourself, even though it will hurt you in the long run and can drive you to depression and suicide,” or something along those lines. Sorry, I just think it’s not alright to be forced to be something you’re not .-. And sorry if it sounds like I’m villainizing your dad! </p>
<p>I almost became a head altar server during the summer, but I chose not to. My excuse was that I was going to be taking hard classes and participating in lots of other ECs, so maybe you can just lie your way out of the team.</p>
<p>But really, I think writing your college essay on the struggles of your family and religion would be a lot better than having that one EC on your app (I honestly know nothing about admissions though, so I could be giving you terrible advice) :<</p>
<p>But my post was probably completely biased since I went to a Catholic school from preschool to 8th grade, but my family was never really that devout to begin with. Seriously, do not actually do any of the things I said x.x</p>
<p>Just wondering, how do your other family members feel about your religious beliefs?</p>
<p>@LosingCrayon I like your idea haha.
It’s funny cuz my entire family is atheist except for my parents… but they all live in China. My mom wants me to keep faking it too for the sake of leadership… sigh</p>