<p>Do you expect your kids to return to your area after they complete their education?</p>
<p>None of mine have, Kirmum, but it seems like a lot of kids do, mainly because of the cost of housing and the lack of availability of jobs, particularly ones that make you self sufficient. I hear that it is getting better, but one of the ugly secrets an older mom told me a few years ago was that you are not necessarily done, when they complete their education. And I see what she means. A friend's D got a great job with the Boston Globe--at $20K a year. Well, who do you think is making up the deficit? Another friend ended up subsidizing a safe apartment for her D when their hole in wall was invaded by a known rapist. Not a bad ending, but the possibilitlies were more than she could bare, and the parents ended up shelling out for a doorman apartment which the girl is not going to be able to afford for a while. Another friend is so relieved her D is getting married as it ends the subsidy they have been paying for years now. And all of these girls are model success stories until you get to the part of the parental support. My son is working in the Midwest, but it was very difficult for him to move away and start fresh, which we felt was the right thing to do. He would have much preferred moving back to his old room and taking contract type jobs, hanging with people he knows. And we are not even where he graduated from highschool, just in an area where he knows enough people. The main reason though for this return is economics. They really have no place else to go since they don't have the money.</p>
<p>My 04grad D is living with us while she works full-time. It's not her first choice, which was to live and work in NYC, sharing an apt with school friends, but none of them have had any luck getting jobs there, so the local job and living at home mean she can save money to make the move in another few months with a nest-egg. We don't charge rent, but she contributes to expenses and lives very frugally, saving almost everything. I don't think we would subsidize an apartment, (that's what roommates are for). There are enough safe places in commuting distance of Manhattan (Brooklyn, Jersey City, Hoboken) if she's willing to share a room if necessary (and she is.)</p>
<p>I don't think my oldest will return home but you never know. My other 2 I think will definitely want to stay in our community. Affording it is another matter.<br>
We have quite a few neighbors who have 20ish children living back at home. It also seems that we know many kids who want to try living in large cities for a few years after college. Like Jamiemom I see the parents helping out to pay for the apartment whether it be San Francisco or New York. Even with sharing a room these areas are way beyond the starting salaries especially in a safe area.</p>
<p>S is staying out in CA and moved two suitcases of items out with him when he returned from winter break. D has said she's moving, too, next year when goes to CA for college, but we shall see . . . they love our town but the weather out there can't compare with here, especially this winter!</p>
<p>My daughter would like to return to the San Diego area but she herself has told me that she knows she probably won't be able to afford to live here based on her potential career interests. I have told her that I hope she ends up in a potential retirement area for her dad and I so we can live close to future grandbabies. :)</p>
<p>Our D now says she wants to return here to live after college. We'll see how that plays out...</p>
<p>I grew up in Ca and returned to Ca, but I was gone about 10 years...</p>
<p>I remember hearing of a Native American who went and got an engineering degree at an Ivy league school. He came back to the reservation to serve his people and asked his father, a chief, what the first task should be. The old chief said that it would really be nice to have an electric light in the outhouse. And so the returning student became the first Indian to wire a head for a reservation.</p>
<p>(Made a lot more sense before e-mail, cheap long distance, FAXes, etc., and Western Union was used for a lot of things. When I hear the word "mammogram," I <em>still</em> think it's something Western Union should offer and I even have an idea of how it would work....)</p>
<p>===</p>
<p>I expect that D's interests will eventually take her to D.C. What the heck, it's an interesting place to visit.</p>
<p>We live in a suburb of Detroit. Fewer and fewer of our children are coming back after college. The largest group heads off to Chicago, with many more off to New York, Boston, Washington, etc. There is very little here in this metro-area that would attract the post-college crowd. It is more than a little sad.
I have told my Ss and D that I really don't expect to see them back here after college.</p>
<p>D stayed in Virginia where cost of living is relatively inexpensive. She is one of the fortunate ones who has a salary that permits her to live nicely - & without roommates if she so desired. Of her friends that graduated in 2004 alot are out on their own. Most have roommates, especially the ones that live in cities. I can only think of 2 that are living at home, & they're ones that are working "jobs" just for the benefits, while trying to find a career focus. The business & engineering majors are all employed in their fields. About a quarter of her friends went to grad school or are in 5 year programs & will graduate this May.</p>
<p>The brain drain is a big issue where we live in central NY. Fewer college grads are returning home to settle down, because the region is economically distressed and other areas offer better opportunities and (this part goes without saying) better weather. In fact, husband and I are counting the months until WE can think about relocating (42). I'm fairly certain none of my children will return, although they've been happy here and have many friends whose families have been here for generations.</p>
<p>Our oldest d graduates this year and has applied to grad school about an hour away. I'd be thrilled if she ended up there, but it's only one of 6 possible schools, which she chose based on programs, not distance from home. If any of my kids needed a little extra nest time before striking out completely on her own, I'd be supportive - up to a well-defined point. At the moment, all of them scoff at the idea, but who knows?</p>
<p>My S might decide to stick around for the museums - we have a new one coming soon. Though, there are many other museum-rich cities in the country/world. I may not be here. Recent career shifts (news I go on Monday) are favoring a NYC/Northern NJ move in my future. Or......a Philly-NYC commute, which isn't attractive to me. </p>
<p>Hmmmm...does that count for the kids need to be away to grow up thing????...if the parent moves away and leaves the kid to attend school in the home town?</p>
<p>We live in North Jersey, my daughter is going to Dartmouth (Hanover NH) so I dont think well have to worry about her remaining in her college town after grad (to my mind a great benefit of Dartmouth). Were a very close knit family and have lived in a number of different places though the years across Eastern Canada and the US east coast. Through out that time we have all relied on/supported each other through numerous changes and adventures. </p>
<p>So, with the job opportunities in the NJ/NY area, the bonds developed through the years and Hanover vs NJ/NY we have high hopes that she will remain in the same area that her parents and brother have settled down in.
Were something of a traditional family and we have always stressed the sense that there is nothing that transcends family, until the day you begin your own. Then, all bets are off. </p>
<p>My wife is Persian/Canadian and I am an American; weve pretty much created the unique culture we live in at home. I hope it is one that are children will always view fondly and preciously. Theres nothing I/we value more than their company. </p>
<p>If had a wish, I would wish to always be close to my favorite three people in this world. Sometimes, wishes come true, and there's no harm in wishing.</p>
<p>Daughter will definitely come back to NYC after school is done because she wants to practice medicine in the inner city. Should there be a change of plans concerning medicine, she's still coming back to NYC which made going to Hanover appealing -nice change of pace totally different from what she was used to.</p>
<p>Woodwork,</p>
<p>Daughter said that she would be glad to do it, more the merrier. Tried to send you a PM but you are not accepting them. Tried to e-mail your D, but e-mail keeps coming back.</p>
<p>DS grew up in our semirural community. We have a lot of land, woods and a lake near our house. He is in Boston in college and I doubt that he will willingly come back to the "country" ever again. He's really a city boy. He loves all of the things the city has, that we don't have....wonderful arts opportunities, professional sports teams, really good public transportation, easy accessibility to EVERYTHING (except the country....which isn't high on his list), a full variety of restaurants, lots of things to do...LOTS all the time. Of course, if he's totally broke (the starving musician) he might consider coming here for a while to regroup....but I don't think it will be because he WANTS to.</p>
<p>I'm seeing a lot of parents who assumed their kids were coming back to town sorely dissapointed. Interesting that few here are expecting this, which is probably good! Good fiend is going through a rough patch as her daughter has fallen in love with a guy from Oklahoma (!!) who wants her to go home with him so he can run the family business. Another friend's daughter followed boyfriend home to Argentina and one of my partner's sons decided to stay in Europe after grad schools. I'm just surprised at how shocked and unhappy the parents are. It seems obvious to me that a young person's plans will change once that have greater exposure.</p>
<p>I was moved around a lot as a kid and swore to stay in one place and give our kids roots. So, we chose a place where kids do return. It worked with our daughter. She's sharing a house with women she met in high school who also returned after graduating various UC's. She's been working full time and self supporting since a few weeks after graduating. I don't expect it will last forever -- in fact,though I love having her around, I wish she'd go on and do some graduate work or find her path to a job she really loves. Even so, I suspect she will find a way to live here eventually because she is a real "nester", not to mention politically out of step with much of the rest of the country.:)</p>
<p>The big question is whether NYC "spoils" our son for any other place. He is turning into an urban animal, no question about it. My hope is he never gets too acclimated -- literally -- and that the weather drives him back to the West Coast eventually. Bring on those blizzards!</p>
<p>Sac,
Living in NYC will spoil you for living other places,. Many leave, take up residence in other places, but still hold on to those NYC roots, no matter when they got them.</p>
<p>The upside is </p>
<p>**Home is the place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in. **
Robert Frost</p>
<p>And most likely, we will always take them in</p>
<p>I expect our S would like to live in D.C. after school. He's never cared about nice beaches or weather. Our D will probably want to stay here because she loves sand and sun, but with the median house in our area at $600k, how could she possibly afford it. I'm with Carolyn, I hope she finds a nice affordable place upstate or out of state where H and I can afford to retire!</p>
<p>Sybbie -- sorry for wishing blizzards on you! It was very selfish.</p>
<p>Of course, we will always take them in. The question is, will they always take us in? Not so long ago my daughter mentioned that she already knows that when we are elderly she would rather have us go live with her than to a nursing home. I was just prepared to be touched when she added: "but you can't talk." Guess I'll have to learn to knit and rock.</p>