<p>I have been mostly off this board for quite for some time now and D will be a Junior in the Fall. College Admissions worries are over but it will soon be time to think about her survival in the "real world" after college. She's learned to handle dorm life but what about her own apartment in a a big city? shopping and cooking and meeting people in settings other than on campus? negotiating office politics? Are there other parents among you who feel your kids are not well prepared for the practicalities (and possible dangers) of the next stage? I know they have to grow up but.....</p>
<p>That's why it's better to go to a big strong state school. By graduation you have had your own place and cooked for at least two years. Know about leases, utilities, and roommates who don't pay or clean, and had to meet people of all types. You are able to fend for yourself with both the adminstration and have probably worked on or off campus.</p>
<p>My D's a rising junior, too, and she's having a get-your-feet-wet real world experience this summer, working for two professors. She has had to pay her own rent (in a dorm) out of the research stipend, and buy/cook all her own food. It's the first time she's done anything like this and I can't tell you how proud she is. </p>
<p>Do you think you and your D can scout out similar baby-steps opportunities, over the next several semesters/summer? What's your D doing this summer?</p>
<p>And sorry, barrons, but she's at a small LAC. You can learn all kinds of things there, too. :)</p>
<p>MOst small LACs require you to live on campus. So not so much. Also just being at a small place where you know everyone including the profs is not nearly the same as swimming in a sea of 35,000 and having to get to know profs who have better things to do until you convince them you can help them--like real employers.</p>
<p>Don't worry, most of us grow up real fast in these situations and if all else fails, there's always google.</p>
<p>Most LACs that we looked at only required living on campus the first 2 years, so kids were learning how to negotiate groceries and leases before graduation.<br>
Of course some mega-schools are handy with getting in those life experiences since it takes an extra year or two to finish (personal experience here)<br>
pye, has your D had any internships or research opportunities? Even on campus, office politics seem to me to be about the same power strugles and personality clashes that I saw as a grad student. If she is living on campus this year, can she live off next year? If not, maybe you can schedule some "classes" during breaks. Find a sample lease and pick it apart together. Have her in charge of shopping and cooking for a week this summer. Go over your own bills (or better yet, of some young relative willing to share his or her checkbook), let her see what a huge bite the "unimportant" things like insurance and utilities take.
And if you do a good job, can you come give my kid the same talk because she doesn't seem to be listening to us!!!!!</p>
<p>I lived happily on campus all four years, but spent my three summers on my own. I learned how to rent (or at least sublet!), cook my meals, go to a job. Guess what - it wasn't that hard. I'm sure Pyewacket's daughter will be fine whether or not she gets some summer experience.</p>
<p>I think it's really no big deal and that most college grads (or HS grads for that matter) can handle things just fine. It's not difficult to get an apartment and not difficult at all to cook (take it out of the freezer, put it in the microwave for a few minutes and - voila! - just kidding). The office/work environment can be handled by most. They can get some experience in this area just by having part time jobs while in HS and while in college. They can get further experience in the environment of their planned field by doing internships while still at college.</p>
<p>It's no big deal at all and the grad will almost certainly handle the changes just fine.</p>
<p>I'm watching 2 of mine. One graduated a bubble-like large Midwestern LAC of 2800 which I think of as Brigadoon, it's so womblike and separate from the harsh world realities, to directly work in a medium sized university city. The other went directly from a Northeastern LAC of l800 that was actually part of a 35,000 student university consortium, and directly to work in Manhattan. </p>
<p>They talked more about huge social shifts following initial loneliness and adjustment to not being surrounded by agemates. They embraced domesticity on a practical level. It wasn't as different as the change from home to freshman year had been. They were accustomed to doing their laundry now, but it was happening in a city laundromat rather than in their dorm. Their budgeting got draconian. They got more serious about their significant others. </p>
<p>They missed the constant company and new choices of a flow of friends from a community of people who lived by books and ideas. They had to learn about more ages and stages of people with all kinds of family lives. They hadn't been snobby in the first place, but the big shift was realizing they were considered adults by their coworkers, since they didn't quite think of themselves that way yet. Just being called Ms.or Mr. at work was noticeable to them at first. </p>
<p>They had plenty of confidence to address new situations, but it was very different and a culture shock. They did welcome the relief from academic deadlines, but more of their friends went to graduate and professional schools immediately, while they both wanted to work for awhile first.</p>
<p>They read voraciously outside of work, stay very actively engaged with old friends from their alma maters who moved to or visit the same cities. Their pullout sofas are very much used by their college friends, and they welcome each other to stay through breaks, homecomings and so forth. </p>
<p>The practicalities came along just fine. They bought cookbooks, learned the right season to buy a zucchini vs. a butternut squash, and one of them is becoming knowledegable about wine. They found city landlords very difficult compared to working with kindly Res Life administrators from their LAC's. </p>
<p>So I'm agreeing that I think the LAC-to-city transition could well be more uphill than a big university-to-city transition. What they bring to it (and hopefully all students would) is a confidence that they can figure this stuff out, and they do, from subway schedules to job promotion opportunities, to negotiating their first lease. They think of themselves as problem-solvers, just transferring it from academia to the workplace. All they really miss is that rapid-fire exchange of ideas, and they live with many fewer friends than when in college.</p>
<p>My oldest boy has just finished his first year after graduating from a school in a large city with about 6000 undergrads. He has moved to DC, gotten an apartment with his girlfriend (sharing the rent on a one-bedroom not nearly as nice as his college apt where he had his own bed and bath). Both have been lucky to start their careers with wonderful first jobs but find it surprisingly tiring to work 9-10 hours a day with no defined breaks. He has always been good with his money but now his budget is pretty draconian. He doesn't complain or ask for money but is greatful for help--for example, we reimbursed him for his plane ticket home when he came home Memorial Day weekend.</p>
<p>He's not loving office politics but he's learning them, too.</p>
<p>Yes- there is life after college! My s lived on campus 3 of his 4 yrs, but off campus 1 yr and during 2 summer internships. He learned how to negotiate with landlords, deal with utility companies, get reasonably priced furniture, etc. He's just started his first week at his "real" job, and is, as we speak, on a flight out of town on a business trip already! They really do figure this stuff out. The only thing that we did together was go apartment hunting- and we were able to look at apartments and condo rentals with a realtor which was wonderful and gave us a real feel for the city he is in. He is slowly buying furniture, and found such aan incredible deal on a 1080 resoluntion 42" HDTV that my H went out and bought me one for my birthday the same day! Our s has really done his research on this , and we figured if it was good enough for him.... So, on thins one, he taught us!</p>
<p>Oh, forgot to mention-- younger s is also flying today, on his own to the summer orientation at the college he'll be attending in the fall as a freshman. I got him the airline ticket and the shuttle bus passes to/from the airport/college, but he is on his own. Hopefully it'll go smoothly and he won't leave too many things behind!</p>
<p>People who can't cope with "shopping, cooking and meeting people" at the age of 22 have a lot of problems.</p>
<p>Geez cupcake, I'm a lot older than 22 and I still haven't gotten the cooking thing down yet!</p>
<p>Huh?? How'd my response to cupcake get posted <em>before</em> cupcakes????? Weird...</p>
<p>Adults and kids alike make lots of mistakes in life, whether it is something trivial like messing up dinner or something really bad like messing up on the job. Mistakes are how we learn and are perfectly OK. As they say, if it doesn't kill you it just makes you stronger.</p>
<p>The vast majority of kids adjust to working full time and living on their own whenever the time comes that they must, whether that is age 18 or age 22 or some other age. I don't think it matters whether the process begins while still in college or doesn't begin in earnest until after college graduation. Perhaps someone coming out of a more protected college environment will make a few more mistakes than the kid who had to face these challenges earlier, but isn't it just a matter of timing and how many new challenges are faced simultaneously? Either way, I'm confident most kids figure it out on their own just fine. Life is a good teacher.</p>
<p>I agree with P3T that the biggest challenge may be emotional. The feeling that this is it for the next 30+ years can be really daunting to kids who are used to getting a fresh start every semester, with lots of breaks both during the day and during the year.</p>
<p>I'm 21 years old, and one month into the "real world".</p>
<p>My parents don't seem at all worried about how I'll handle it, although they let me handle my college applications completely by myself, so we have a history of them not stepping in too much. And because of my personality, I would be insulted if they had tried to "teach" me how to budget and cook. But I guess that's mostly because I knew how to do those things, and I've always preferred to teach myself things. </p>
<p>The hard stuff, I think, is personal finance beyond just "budgeting". How to balance contributing to a 401(k) with paying off student loans. How to correctly set up and use FSAs. And on it goes. I feel able to handle this stuff, but only because I've been reading about it a ton. And fortunately, there are personal finance books aimed at new grads. </p>
<p>Also, for the record, my college was as small and nurturing as it gets. Wouldn't trade the experience of living on campus there for the world.</p>
<p>S1 (rsing senior at big state u) lived in an apt. the past 2 years. It was very simple. One payment (which he paid with his money)covered all the bills. Now he and friends have leased a house near campus for senior yr. We cautioned him that the house would be more costly but our words fell on deaf ears. </p>
<p>S has been holding down the fort on his own there since mid-May. One of his roommates will return next week. The other two will not be back until Aug. S has not gotten as many hours at his job as he anticipated and the bills are rolling in. He is getting a real life lesson in surviving under less than ideal condidtions. Of course we wont' let him starve but at the same time, he needs to know what it is to feel the pinch and be able to handle it.</p>
<p>He has worked year round for 4 years, opened a second bank acct., taken out a loan on his own, put money in a CD, kept his credit card paid off, kept his truck running,leased residences, learned to cook,moved on his own three times, held very time consuming and responsibility laden positions at school while taking 18/19 hours every semester and keeping his gpa up so as not to lose his merit money. </p>
<p>It has not been easy for him at all but he has pretty much learned total responsibility while in college and it will serve him well when he's in the real world next year this time. </p>
<p>My advice would be to give your college age kids more and more responsibility (even if it is hard to watch them make some mistakes) so they are not shocked and bewildered when their life becomes their own at graduation.</p>
<p>As someone who made the transition pretty recently (a little over a year ago), after living on campus for four years...it just wasn't difficult. After college itself, it was a cakewalk.</p>
<p>Edited to add a caveat: It would have been a lot harder if I hadn't learned how to jobhunt before senior year. When you are looking for a full-time, post-college job, is not the time to learn that skill.</p>
<p>I think Paying3 gave you an excellent summation.</p>
<p>Yes, she did. I realized that after grad school I made my transition rather easy by moving in with my boyfriend who shared a house with a bunch of Caltech students and gave me an automatic friendship circle. Good since I worked in a tiny architectural office. My sister-in-law I remember had a very hard time finding friends when she and my brother first moved to New Hampshire. She kept having dinner parties for my brother's co-workers and no one ever invited them back. She was working as a children's librarian, but her boss didn't really like her (not motherly enough) and she was alone in the children's room, not yet a Mom herself. Eventually she switched jobs to writing for the local newspaper and it made a huge difference in their lives. She also joined a church - another good way to find friends. </p>
<p>I've always been a joiner and have generally found friends through art or architecture associations. In Germany I signed up for a program of exchanging language conversation. I have to say science/academia is a pretty friendly environment. Especially when we were younger there was a lot of socializing outside the lab.</p>