Review and suggestions for my model SAT essay?

<p>TOPIC: Are snap judgments better than carefully planned decisions?</p>

<p>In today’s society, circumspection is generally advertised over impulsive decisions as being the wiser method of identifying solutions to convoluted complications for a myriad of reasons. While in certain circumstances an intuitive judgment made instantly on the spot can prove to be optimal, in the vast majority of situations a calculated response is far better in resolving an issue. As the examples of the actions of Romeo and Juliet within Shakespeare’s play “Romeo and Juliet” indicate, the outcomes that arise out of snap judgments are far inferior to those that occur as a result of planned arrangements.</p>

<p>As one of the main protagonist within the renowned tragedy “Romeo and Juliet”, Romeo is a character that exhibits the downfalls of making rash decisions based on emotions without considering the consequences. After the death of his friend Mercutio at the hands of Tybalt, a Capulet and traditional adversary, Romeo immediately slays Tybalt in a fit of rage, leading to the precipitation of his exile from Verona and eventual demise. Furthermore, Romeo does not learn his lesson and commits another series of foolhardy actions later on in the progression of the play by credulously rushing back to Verona, risking death by violating the terms of his exile, after hearing of the death of his love Juliet from a servant. Arriving at the Capulet crypt and discovering the apparently dead Juliet, Romeo bids farewell to her and drinks a vial of poison hastily obtained from an apothecary, shortly dying by her side. The devastating consequences that were incurred as a corollary of Romeo’s impetuous judgments could have easily been avoided had he hesitated before committing the actions to ponder over the implications and possible consequences of his reasoning. By being more cautious and carefully planning decisions beforehand, positive outcomes such as the survival of the couple and the aversion of catastrophes are easily foreseeable. </p>

<p>In an analogous manner, the female protagonist Juliet makes numerous questionable decisions throughout the play that openly portrays the deficiencies of spontaneous logic. Following the exile of her lover Romeo and the announcement of her marriage to Count Paris, the unwilling bride-to-be Juliet flees to Saint Peter’s Church to seek the wise counsel of Friar Laurence. Even after a plan is devised for her to avoid marriage to Count Paris by pretending to be deceased, Juliet panics during the execution stage of the proposal and takes a sleeping potion ahead of schedule due to the date of her wedding being brought forward. Although she successfully avoids the short term debacle of the marriage of Paris, long term consequences such as Romeo’s suicide and the death of Paris are incurred because of the prompt ruling made by Juliet. This development of events is an epitome of an instance when a momentary verdict provokes future ramifications as a direct impact of its lack of foresight and consideration. If a comprehensive analysis and evaluation of the situation had been conducted, the abundant existence of alternatives that could have saved the lives of Romeo and Paris would have been clearly evident. </p>

<p>As indicated by the decisions made by the characters of Romeo and Juliet and the repercussions that arose as a result, snap judgments often overlook critical aspects of a quagmire and hence culminates in unideal outcomes. It is an unequivocal fact that carefully planned decisions yields superior results in the way that every available evidence are able to be taken into consideration without being omitted. Summarily, carefully planned decisions are better than snap judgments due to greater deliberation and examination of possible actions that are to be undertaken. </p>

<p>An estimation of the score and ways to improve are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your assistance :) </p>

<p>Having only read the last sentence of both body paragraphs, I see that your analysis seems to be the same for both body paragraphs. </p>

<p>I would recommend using a historical example for your second paragraph and, of course, writing a different analysis for this example.</p>

<p>@indelliblename thank you for your suggestion! Analysis is why I posted this discussion to be honest. In what ways could I have analyzed the topic differently considering my stance and example? </p>

<p>Impetuous actions can lead to the death of oneself and the destruction of others close to one.</p>

<p>Can you think of a historical example?</p>

<p>I don’t remember the names nor events exactly:</p>

<p>Although X’s men had only Z weeks to train and X’s supplies were terribly low, General X attempted to surprise General Y of the Confederates to lead the Union into victory. General Y, with the help of Stonewall Jackson, decidedly fought off General X and his men, garnished the supplies left by General X, and debilitated the North’s morale— only General X’s haughtiness was to blame.</p>

<p>This was basically the structure of one of my SAT essay body paragraphs.Of course, I filled in the Xs,Ys, and Zs as well as conjure a random battle name. (Battle of Vernett?) Not sure if that’s a place</p>

<p>The Civil war is a great example to use.
There are perhaps 300,000 battles that took place as well as a myriad of generals who participated. Just tie in some made-up details with the idea that “freeing slaves is good” or you can even make-up the analysis as I did here.</p>

<p>Oh! Remember that Robert E.Lee fought for the Confederates and Ulysses S.Grant for the Union. Mixing them up is not advised.</p>