This one is definitely lacking. I ran out of time because I dawdled with my thesis and intro so no third example or essay :/… Overall I’m really disappointed with this so don’t hold back.
Prompt: Are snap judgments better than decisions to which people give a lot of thought?
Many people believe it’s better to go with one’s gut instinct. This is understandable as there’s a reasonable desire to trust in one’s judgments. However, this visceral decision making is improvident. Snap judgments are worse than decisions made with chary planning because they frivolously don’t account for the consequences of one’s actions. Several examples from literary works illustrate this.
An example of this is seen in Kafka’s The Metamorphosis as Gregor’s improvident decision to leave his room ultimately leads to his demise. Gregor hadn’t eaten in several days due to his abjection following his transformation into a vermin and becoming a pariah to his own family. However, hearing the beautiful music his sister is playing, his beast instincts take over and he thoughtlessly decides to go to her. He resolves on bringing her to his room to have her play for him, yet when he’s descried by the tenants in their house, his world falls apart. He feebly escapes to his room, and listens to his own family discuss ways to rid themselves of his presence. He quietly passes away, an anathema to a family he’d been supporting for five years. Thus, if he’d only restrained himself and thought about the consequences of his snap decision of leaving his room, he wouldn’t have died an abhorred monster.
Similar to Gregor’s fatal decision, Daisy Miller from James’ novel by the same name squanders her life due to her snap decision to visit the malaria infested Colosseum at night. Winterbourne, when he finds her in the condemned arena, loses all hope in her virtue because she’s alone with her Italian “friend.” He abandons her at that moment, leaving her emotionally unsupported. A few days later, she dies, a victim of her own impetuousness. Clearly, if Daisy hadn’t operated based on snap decision, she wouldn’t have died as a consequence.
Score: 4/6
I would say this is a rather decent essay. The beginning was great, and really stood out to me; vocabulary was varied, but as you said, your thesis could have been more well defined. Your thesis simply could have been the sentence “Snap judgments are worse than decisions made with chary planning because they frivolously don’t account for the consequences of one’s actions.” You definitely have room for improvement, and had you provided a conclusion and a variety of sources of evidence, this would have indeed been a 6. Your vocabulary is amazing, really persuasive sentences and language as well.
What really lacked in this essay, in my opinion, is the fact that you used a single novel throughout the majority of your essay, and introduced another one towards the end of your essay. I also felt like it was somewhat of a plot summary. When writing these essays, only include a brief instance from the novel to support your argument, and add in other evidence later. Don’t spend your entire essay talking about one book. Realizing that you have time restraints, plan out your essay in the first 5 minutes or so, then go from there. What I really loved was your sentence variety and vocabulary (which is extremely superior and advanced, well done), but your lack of evidence hurt your ability to prove your argument sufficiently.
My teacher gave me great advice on how to structure evidence in an essay. This is somewhat like a hierarchy:
Level 1: Historical evidence. However, don’t use cliche evidence like the Holocaust, WW2, etc. Let’s say you’re writing an essay on censorship. You can make the argment that its necessary, and provide evidence from 9/11 for example, and how the media censored the bodies in order to honor the families of the dead, and had respect concerning all audiences.
Level 2: Literary evidence. Be brief and concise, and imagine that your reader knows absolutely nothing about the book you are citing.
Level 3: Anecdotal or personal evidence. This can be anything from your past experiences. For instance, if you’re writing an essay on censorship like our previous example, you can perhaps make the argument that it is necessary, and provide an example of you viewing censorship on TV, and how it was beneficial that whatever was censored had to be censored for the sake of the audience.
Overall, you have shown to me you have the skills to attain a 6. Simply use more varied evidence, and have a solid conclusion that summarizes everything. I realize its 25 minutes, but it can be done. Good luck! 
Oops “no third example or essay” should have been “no third example or conclusion.”
@FutureDoctor2028 Thanks for your input, it’s really appreciated 
And sorry I just have a modicum (or more like a surfeit, please just bare with me) of questions/comments about your comments:
I definitely agree with what you said about my examples. Typically I’m able to flesh out at least two examples and write a conclusion before running out of space and/or time, but my organization and time management for this essay was honestly so atrocious… I’m trying to work on my prewriting so that I don’t meander as much, but I skipped it for this essay after looking at the time. Bad idea.
For possible examples I have a pretty constrained pool to choose from. I’m absolutely useless at history so I have trouble coming up with examples from that area and I’m trying to stay away from personal experience stuff since it’s generally considered less substantial. Which leaves me with literary evidence and I’ve been able to get by adequately with a list of books I’ve read in the past year. Would solely using literary evidence put me at too much of a disadvantage? I mean I’m taking the SAT this Saturday so it’s a little too late but I’ll probably take it again in March and my plan is to start reading “informative” magazines daily to expand my lexicon and improve reading comprehension.
For examples, would you say 1-2 details (with concomitant analysis) are sufficient? Also: “… your reader knows absolutely nothing about the book you are citing.” So can I jump right into the instance and just analyze after saying what the incident was or is a little exposition on the plot necessary, because a lot of the time my “exposition” is more of a summary (which costs me a lot of time). Lastly, when you said my thesis could have been the sentence “Snap judgments…” did you mean that my intro could have just been that sentence or…?
Thanks again!
I would say that solely using literary evidence generally isn’t a good idea. Try and base your evidence from a variety of sources. I realize that history may not be your strong point, but you don’t have to necessarily use historical evidence. You could cite recent events as well, such as someone making a wrong decision concerning war (ex: President Bush immediately going to war after 9/11, then going on to explain the effects.) However, using one book and describing it briefly and getting the point across is sufficient; don’t “drag on” (for lack of a better term) about the book for your entire essay, that will simply leave you no time to write a proper conclusion and end the essay on a positive note.
In terms of examples, yes, 1-2 details including analysis is perfect because, remember, you don’t have time to describe in-depth what you are arguing. Also, in terms of literature, minute exposition on the plot is necessary in order for you to establish or introduce the book to the reader; essentially, you are giving your reader a background on the book. This is necessary in order for the reader to simply know what you are talking about throughout the essay. I would say it would be best for you to expose the plot (small summary, not too much), and then analyze after you describe the incident.
When I was describing your thesis, I simply meant that your last two sentences could have been conjoined. It seems to me your thesis was “Several examples from literary works illustrate this.” I see why you put that, and its good that you are aware of proper transitions within your essay. But, I would rather rephrase the sentence as: “. Snap judgments are worse than decisions made with chary planning because they frivolously don’t account for the consequences of one’s actions, and several examples from literary works illustrate this idea.”
If you have any more questions or are confused about anything, don’t hesitate to ask!
Good luck on Saturday! Be sure to practice as much as you can, sleep well, and aim for that 6!
@FutureDoctor2028 Ok I’ll definitely keep that in mind about variegated sources! For exposition, would having a minor plot summary in the topic sentence, followed by a description of the incident in the second sentence, work? So an adumbrated structure for a literary example:
An example of [MODIFIED THESIS] is shown in [SOURCE], where [BRIEF PLOT SUMMARY]. In this [SOURCE], [INCIDENT]. 1-2 details and concomitant analysis. Clearly/Thus/Therefore, the importance of/etc. [THESIS] is shown/etc.
Would merging the thesis and transition sentence detract from the clarity of the thesis? I’ve heard numerous times to keep the thesis clear and direct. Obviously merging them doesn’t suddenly obfuscate my original idea, but wouldn’t keeping them separate make the thesis more distinct from the rest of the paragraph?
Thanks for being so helpful! I’ve only taken it once before, but that was in grade school, so I’m pretty nervous. I definitely should have studied more but I feel reasonably ready. Maybe… 
@Nothings Hey! How was the exam?
@FutureDoctor2028 It was fairly okay. I feel reasonably confidant about the essay just because I had a good quote in my conclusion. There were a few questions I was uncertain about in each section, but I answered everything so all I can do now though is just wait and see. Thank you for your help on my essays!
No problem! When your score is released, be sure to tell me!
@FutureDoctor2028 Sure thing!