Revival of Middle Class Black Posters

Parents Forum
341

<p>Triguena, </p>

<p>I would encourage him to write the best essays ever and suggest that if that's the way the adcom grilled him, maybe that's the way that adcom grills everyone and your son will be ok. </p>

<p>A little story... A year ago, a well-known school sent its admissions rep to my daughter's school and my daughter (who is quite good at assessing social situations) said the woman made some discouraging remarks. We had already paid the app fee so I insisted d finish the application process even though it was a reach. It was the one school D would not visit because she said it was hopeless. Six months later, they not only admitted d but sent her an early write (and I couldn't find evidence of other early writes on that school's board here) and a fantastic financial aid package. I came away thinking that maybe the adcom had a bad day or maybe that's just the way she is with everyone-- so she is tough in person but reads the app fairly. I hope the same happens with your son.</p>

342

<p>OMG that interviewer sounds like a creep and maybe shouldn't be in that job. Was the interviewer Adcom or an alum? The latter may usually has less influence. I would have son send a note to the interviewer thanking him for taking the time for the interview and indicate why he would be a good candidate for the school and his deep interest and then leave it at that.
I don't see what your job has to do with anything. WOW. Best of luck.</p>

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<p>Most of the questions that the interviewer asked were not appropriate. Most of the time the interview is a way for the student to get to know the school and the alumni rep to talk up good things as to why student should attend the school. </p>

<p>If your son's GC has a good relationship with the regional rep at the college, your son should tell the GC what happened so that the GC can let the regional rep know and schedule him for another interview. </p>

<p>If he cannot facilitate this through his GC, he should still contact the school about having another interview. If this is a school that is trying to attract AA's especially african american males (where there really a shortage). He should also contact head of the alumni association in your area and express his concerns about the interviewer.</p>

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<p>Triguena,
Sorry about the interview. I'm thinking that the school wants to attract a "certain kind" of AA student. They asked what your job was so that they could assess whether he was a middle class kid. They asked how many AAs in his class for the same reason. Middle class black kids are probably more likely to go to school in integrated situations than are lower class black kids. Don't spend too much time worrying about this. It's only one component of his admission process. But do help him to be realistic about its being a reach.</p>

<p>On a separate note, I'm just back from dropping off D for her freshman year. I was very grumpy yesterday -- my typical reaction to extreme stress. I mostly took it out on the 15 year old S, who was acting like he was 5. (Didn't want to help unpack the car, etc.) Got a good laugh at what other parents were carting into the dorm. So you bring your kid to freshman year with three cases of bottled water? What, they don't sell bottled water in Austin, Texas. D's roommate's mom obviously deals with stress by cleaning. She had just finished using the Swiffer under the bed and was on the way to buy something to scrub out the shower when I left. (My general cleaning philosophy is that what's under the bed stays under the bed ... sort of like Vegas.) Anyway, I head D, who is usually quite laid back, say "best day ever" while we were driving to Target for one last supply run. I only choked up when saying one last prayer over her before husband, son and I left for the 3 hour drive home. Turned my head away so she couldn't see the tears in my eyes. OK. It's done. She'll be home for a concert in two weeks, and I lived through drop off. My half-empty nest phase ends now. Ironically, while in Austin, we visited with a friend who is my age who just completed the adoption of her second child, an eight-month-old. Would I want to start over again today? Probably not.</p>

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<p>Triguena,
I agree with sybbie719 and I would contact the regional rep and also request another interview. By all means, I would not let the outrageous behaviour of this interviewer stop DS from applying. </p>

<p>Texasmama,</p>

<p>We will drop DS off to school this week and you have made me decide not to buy bottled water (smile).</p>

346

<p>Triguena, I remember my D and I having the impression that her interview had blown her already flimsy chances of getting in the school she is now ( as of Monday) attending. The alumni interviewer had asked about something quite political, about which she was just informed enough to say something potentially taboo. A few months later her interviewer was emailing and I think phoning his congrats.</p>

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<p>"First question by interviewer--where does your mother work. Now I have a good job, somewhat known in academic circles but SO WHAT!!. DS gave somewhat vague (but accurate) answer. Interviewer told him (twice) to be more explicit. The interview went down from there. DS gave the interviewer his resume (since he obviously has not yet officially applied). Interviewer grilled him on grades (why only Honors, why no AP?) DS has run his own business for last two years. Interviewer asked how much profit he turned. </p>

<p>The straw that broke the camel's back was when interviewer asked him how many African American kids went to his school (BTW interviewer is AA). DS was flumoxed. "Uh, not many." "So, your school is not very racially diverse?""Uh, not really" "So, describe your friends." Then he asked DS why he didn't play any sports (there are many many ECs on DS's resume)."</p>

<p>As a person who is an alum interviewer, I don't think the questions were inappropriate, though I think they could have been asked in a different way.</p>

<p>"First question by interviewer--where does your mother work"</p>

<p>I'm wondering if perhaps the interviewer knew you or had heard of you or was wondering if you were someone the interviewer knew. I do ask what applicants' parents do and what their education is. Knowing this helps me put into context the student's answer and behavior. For instance, a student whose parents are high school educated factory workers may have an level of unsophistication and even discomfort with the interview that would be a red flag if similar behaviors were exhibited by the offspring of college professors.</p>

<p>". DS gave the interviewer his resume (since he obviously has not yet officially applied). Interviewer grilled him on grades (why only Honors, why no AP?) "</p>

<p>Reasonable for the interviewer to want to know why a student chose honors, not AP especially if the student were applying to a highly competitive school. A student who chooses honors because the AP course wouldn't fit into the student's schedule or the student is devoting lots of time to an EC or to another academic area is different from a student who chooses honors because the student wants h.s. to be as easy as possible.</p>

<p>"The straw that broke the camel's back was when interviewer asked him how many African American kids went to his school"</p>

<p>I can think of good reasons to ask that question. It could be simple curiosity, nothing wrong with that. Also could be wondering why the student hasn't gotten certain types of leadership experience and the interviewer could be wondering whether the student was at a disadvantage being in an overwhelmingly majority school. Could also be trying to put the student's achievements and interests into context. For instance, in majority black schools, sadly, often males who are very into academics, but aren't into athletics aren't admired by peers. </p>

<p>"DS has run his own business for last two years. Interviewer asked how much profit he turned. "</p>

<p>Seems like a good question to me. The answer --whatever it is -- would let the interviewer know how seriously the student is involved in the business, and could lead to the student's talking about plans to expand or change the business based on how well it's financially doing.</p>

<p>""So, describe your friends." </p>

<p>I don't see a problem with the question. Would be a wonderful opportunity for your S to have described his ability to get along with others, what he values in friends, etc. </p>

<p>"Then he asked DS why he didn't play any sports (there are many many ECs on DS's resume)."</p>

<p>Again, I don't see a problem. S could have answered that he uses his free time for other things, and then could have segued into discussing those things. </p>

<p>To me, if your S took the questions as opportunities to talk about himself and his interests, he could have had a fine interview. If he became defensive and shut down, that would be a problematic interview.</p>

<p>I don't see any reason to complain about the interview to the college. In fact, I think that doing so could make your S look bad. </p>

<p>A bad interview would be if: the interviewer does something very inappropriate such as shows up intoxicated, makes a pass at the student, makes racist or sexist remarks, schedules an hour-long interview, but shows up late for no reason, and talks to the student only 10 minutes.</p>

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<p>"The straw that broke the camel's back was when interviewer asked him how many African American kids went to his school"</p>

<p>The Harvard interviewer asked this question of everyone at our school the year I applied. Then he baited me, asking whether the URM people admitted at Harvard are "not as smart." I said something about them admitting for potential and not necessarily achievement, which seemed to satisfy him, but I wasn't happy with the contentious way in which he asked questions. I felt like I was being cross-examined, which might have been what he was doing considering he was a lawyer.</p>

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<p>My D had an interview with a Harvard Alum, who was AA, she never asked these types of questions. While I understand some of the reasoning behind the questions, I think asking in such a way that doesn't put one on the defensive is the better route IMHO. It might have been better if he asked leading questions like, tell me about your parents? or Tell me about your interest outside of school? what chracteristics do you look for in a friend?
Tell me about your school...
How did you come up with the idea for your business? Did you do a business plan? I think the interviewer would have illicited better information. It would have given the student a chance to shine not put him off. Unfortunately not ever alum has the skill to interview unless they are taught or it is part of their everyday job. My D came away from her interview with a very good feeling and that should be the goal, whether or not the student is a good fit for the school.
I would definitely discuss this with GC and possibly get another interview.</p>

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<p>I should mention that I'm also an AA Harvard alum interviewer, and have chaired my regional alumni interviewing committee. While I agree that the questions that Triguena described could have been asked more gracefully, I don't see a problem with the questions themselves. I don't see a reason for requesting another interviewer. </p>

<p>""The straw that broke the camel's back was when interviewer asked him how many African American kids went to his school""</p>

<p>I don't see a problem with this question.</p>

<p>"Then he baited me, asking whether the URM people admitted at Harvard are "not as smart.""</p>

<p>I can't think of any reason that an interviewer should have asked such a question. This is something that I think that the admissions office should be informed about.</p>

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<p>"Then he baited me, asking whether the URM people admitted at Harvard are "not as smart.""</p>

<p>Northstarmom, I agree. not a smart question.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your comments. I knew I could count on my "virtual friends" for insight.</p>

<p>Northstar mom--this interviewer was not an alum interviewer He was staff (and not a recent alum). DS high school should have been known to this interviewer (people have applied and attended this University from this HS).</p>

<p>I am not going to take this any further with Univ. for fear of retailiation. Let the chips fall where they may. I did do some internet digging into this adcom and it seems his path to glory is the number of disadvantaged URMs he has brought to the Univ. Maybe he was just disappointed to find a middle class kid.........</p>

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<p>Just wanted to drop in and say hello to all my cc folks who helped me get through the past year! The kids have been off to school for a bit now. How's everyone doing? I spent a few minutes browsing another thread in here about "honeymoon" periods. I think that describes EXACTLY what's going on w/D right now. It's been over two weeks and she hasn't even asked for money!! Brief emails indicate she believes she's found Nirvana. Yeeeaaaa! </p>

<p>But I did hear from her yesterday in a call initiated on HER end(finally), and you could have knocked me over with a FEATHER when she reported -- (drumroll please) -- that she'd be attending the inaugural Black Student Union meeting on campus! This is the gal who NEVER took any interest in similar cultural clubs or events during high school! Seems NOW, she's in need of a hairdresser. <em>rolling eyes</em> Here's hoping she continues to attend for much more.</p>

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<p>SupermomIA, my D also enjoying her school. She did come home over Labor Day weekend but went straight to her friends house and spent the night. Then yesterday I received a suprise phone call, that she was in town having lunch with a friend and would I pick her up so she could come home for a little bit(we are a train ride away). I'm hoping that she just immerses herself in the school and stays there.</p>

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<p>Dropped D2 off two weeks ago. A sad moment indeed with the stark reality of only having the last one at home who will also be gone soon assuming her plans work out. Not many tears shed - we knew what to expect, I guess. But the flood of emotions, introspection, and reflection has kicked into overdrive. </p>

<p>DW still hasn't figured out how to cook for only 3, lol. Cleaning the house is weird since half of it is no longer used regularly, and now, my workouts are all pretty much solo - the youngest is tied up 24/7 with her crazy schedule. D2 was the one that became the big sports fan so this time of year we always planned around the football games, especially the college games on Saturdays. I spent this past Saturday mostly watching the games alone, but we managed to trade a few text messages</p>

<p>At home, it feels like my kids are at one of those camps or summer programs they frequented, so I keep thinking, "Well, when they get back this weekend we'll do such and such..." Then I remember they actually won't be back that soon, and even when they do return for a visit, it probably won't be quite the same. I wonder if we will all ever live in the same town again.</p>

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<p>I guess I should add that D2 is having an absolute wonderful time at her new school thus far. She says everything she's experienced continues to reaffirm that she made the right choice. We talk everyday, and if nothing else, her excitement has made the transition a whole lot easier. Obviously we are all very happy for her.</p>

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<p>Awwwwww . . . FLVADAD, your posts always make me smile. Your ds are so lucky to have you for a dad! My hubby takes a much more "hands off" approach than I do (thank GOODNESS for that balance!), but he was glowing from head to toe when I got back in the house from shuttling d2 to her numerous social engagements this weekend . Turns out d1 had called to regale him w/college updates. He was quite smug to have gotten all that concentrated talk-time.</p>

<p>Suddenly, it seems, we're not quite so worried about the cost of visiting in October . . and November, then flying her home in Sept and Dec. D1 was hubby's scifi/kung fu/anime buddy <em>sigh</em>. Dads (shaking head & smiling) - their ds have 'em completely wrapped 'round their little fingers!</p>

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<p>So great to hear from the frosh parents! I am thrilled for your kids and thinking forward to next year when I will be in your place. DS has crossed evil interview school off of his list. God works in mysterious ways--I was never a fan of that school but stepped back and let him make up his own list. Maybe someone upstairs heard my quiet prayer.....</p>

<p>Any other updates from frosh parents?</p>

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<p>Frosh parent report:</p>

<p>D actually said her psych class is bliss! Don't know that I ever described a class like that. Maybe she has chosen the right major!</p>

<p>First week she mostly hung out with high school friends, but now she seems to be bonding with roomie. </p>

<p>As for us, DH and I are fine. She came home last weekend, but I'm not sure how soon we'll see her again. DH's job just told him he may need to travel to her town for work more often, so that would be good. DS, the high shcool soph seems to be taking a much more serious look at school now that he's seen how cool living away from home looks.</p>

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<p>Hmmm. I have noticed that among blacks it seems that females are more successful than males. I am a black male, who is also very smart, but I notice, this. But adversely girls as a whole are more successful than their male counterparts across races.
I say that to say this, it seems that alot of dating with more intelligent black males seems to be with white girls. This is anecdotal, and i am sure that others would probably take offense. But, I don't know I feel kind of guilty that I will probably marry a non-black girl (the colleges I want to go have about a 10% black population). I mean in my classes at a school that is like 40% black 40% white, and 20% Asian and Hispanic, there are only a few intelligent black males. And they seem to want to date white girls more. I don't want to offend anyone or anything, but I don't know, it seems that smart black girls get the raw end of the deal.</p>

<p>I wondered, because if I get into my top choice (Yale), where there are already few minorities, then date a white girl. Basic numerical analysis would entail that black girls are getting scrubed. The problem seems to be exasperated by the conception that black girls want to date black guys (which is understandable ;)) but black guys seem to have no qualms about not dating black girls.</p>

<p>Since y'all's children have already gone on to college and experienced life, did they have experiences such as this? Or is dating really a non-issue.</p>