<p>I think I need to come back at a later time and read this discussion at a more leisurely pace. Just to throw my 2 cents in, all the "older" Black women reading this topic are not married, and/or coupled off. And, I may be atypical on this thread, as I am an "older" Mama, (46), raising my 1/2 Black American, 1/2 African 14 year old son, pretty much on my own. I must brag and say I am doing a wonderful job so far, however, I do worry that in my quest to assure that he receives a great education, I may have not equipped him enough on what he will face as a Black man living in the south, and in those darned "smart" classes where there are fewer Black students. (I am talking racism, dating, friendships, etc.).</p>
<p>"Otherwise, I agree with your statistics."</p>
<p>"Shrinkrap, the problem with the statistics you post is that it uses a ratio as opposed to percent."</p>
<p>Whoaa! Not mine! Just a copy and paste from someone else's post!</p>
<p>But I will add that even in California and in New York, my brother gets propositioned by white woman. I'm not sure how rational it is, but I think this is more likely than a black woman propositioning a white man. Perhaps it has to do with the likliehood of rejection.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"I may have not equipped him enough on what he will face as a Black man living in the south, and in those darned "smart" classes where there are fewer Black students. (I am talking racism, dating, friendships, etc.)."
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I live in the surburbs of Texas and there is not much racism in the more industrialized areas or area where people are more affulent.</p>
<p>Dbate, we may look at life through different glasses. I may be a bit more cautious of people not of my race due to my upbringing. I chose to not raise my son with as much cautiousness, but I still question if I should have provided him with more information and/or more stories from my life regarding racism, racist attitudes, and "the Black Experience." I don't want to prejudice him, I want to spare him. I want to protect him. I don't want him to be naive regarding the world. I don't want to read about him in the papers, or see him in the news, unless it's positive. There is a saying from another time, "Partus Sequitur Ventrem." (The child follows the condition of the Mother). I have embraced this as a part of my history, (I am our family's genealogist). </p>
<p>In as much as I would like to agree that there is not much racism in more industrialized areas or where people are more affluent, I believe you still have much to learn. I have lived outside of the south. I was not born in the south. I am raising my son in the south, but he has access to the world. Racism exists and not only in less affluent, non-industrialized areas.</p>
<p>Mamaof1, I really agree with you. I live in an affluent area of the northeast and racism is a live and well. The good thing about it is that the diversity and liberalism is more evident and the racism is more covert and underground. But believe me we see it here too. I've been around a long time and the younger people may not see it.I have had these kind of discussions with my D.</p>
<p>The interesting thing about racism to me is that it seems to occur in places where people tend to think it is less likely. My family and I experienced many more instances of racism living in the north than we ever have moving through the south. The racism in the north was much more insidious in my view. It permeated housing, education, the workplace -- things that really impact quality of life. In the south, problems seem much less institutionalized in the places we have lived. </p>
<p>I tend to cringe a little when I hear people in northern climes speak pejoratively about the south since my experience has been the opposite. I know our experience is just anecdotal in nature, however. As they say, your mileage may vary.</p>
<p>Momaof1 and milkandsugar, I agree racism is not dead; it may not exist as openly and blatantly as it did a few decades ago. It takes savvy to detect. Like my neighbor, who is the picture perfect liberal, but has a hard time accepting AAs who are smarter, or richer, or more successful than she…………………..but she sure loves the AAs who are poor, un-educated, on welfare, and in prison.</p>
<p>FLVADAD, we cross posted. My cousins in the south would agree with you.</p>
<p>Concerning dating, I personally don't see a problem with having a sense of race pride. Since I have no sons, I may be, as they used to say back in the day, talking out the side of my neck. But if I had a son I think I would raise him with the perspective of primaily seeking Black female partners as opposed to randomly finding love wherever he could. Doesn't mean I would have any special issues if he dated outside his race, just a given conciousness I think I would try to impart. </p>
<p>I certainly dated outside my race growing up and reflect fondly on some of those individual relationships. However, I honestly don't think it ever occurred to me that I would marry outside my race. Not due to a sense of obligation, but somehow I just never imagined I would.</p>
<p>FLVADAD, raising a son is very hard for this Black woman. And being single, I don't know if I have made it even harder, because I have to try and balance my oftentimes typically female response to some of his behavior(s). Sometimes I think I drive myself crazy with worrying about am I doing "this" right. He is a great kid so far. And when I mentioned he has access to the world, he really does, (paternal family all over the world). His Dad is W. African, so he will undoubtedly have the choice, too, of marrying Black, but not of his American culture. </p>
<p>I made a conscious choice to not differentiate race to him when he was a baby. Daycare ruined it for me when he came home and made a comment about "a white lady." I questioned him and he told me his teacher said it. There went my color blind stance. We had our first race discussion right there, and apparently I did a great job, because he really does not identify people by their color. I think I worry about what other people will do to him. How they may shock him with their prejudices. This is why I think I may not have equipped him enough.</p>
<p>Until not too long ago, H and I said "short" or "tall" when we wanted to let each other know whether some one was black or white in front of the kids. I guess defining people by height is better than defining them by color! Our kids would say pink or orange or brown, or however they saw it. Both had friends who let them know they were not black or ghetto enough. These were white friends mind you, who had likely never seen a ghetto, and maybe not more than one or two other black kids up close and personal.</p>
<p>Mamaof1, I have a deep appreciation for the challenges you've expressed, and would not for a second pretend to have a comprehensive understanding of what it must be like. I will only add that based on your posts, your son is very lucky to have you looking out for his best interests. </p>
<p>As committed parents, we all have to make certain types of decisions as you have done. I think most of us also spend at least a little time second guessing some of those choices. I think that's natural. </p>
<p>At the end of the day, however, I think the point is to get them to a place where they become effective thinkers, mature, and capable of handling problems they will inevitably face, especially in times when we are not there to do the navigating for them. Sounds to me like you are doing just that. </p>
<p>I'm no expert, but I'd be willing to bet your son is going to be able handle whatever circumstances he encounters just fine. Well-raised children tend to be a lot more capable and resiliant than we give them credit for until they are actually tested.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, what's up with Duke??? </p>
<p>I've been watching their football games over the years, but today I was floored to see the number of Black players they put on field this year. They must have really changed their recruiting venues. I also noticed a lot more Black students in the stands. I really never noticed that before. Is this a new tranformation taking place, or have I somehow just been overlooking this?</p>
<p>Well, D is new of course, but she HAS gone to games.I know there was an email inviting people out. Last weekend she said she ended up in a "black section" somehow. Not sure how, as she has not seemed to affiliate in any particular way. She and the one other black person she seems to be hanging around with ended up moving because of some "obnoxious frat guys".</p>
<p>Yes, I did see a "black section" so to speak, as the cameras panned over the crowd. One group appeared to be all female. I noticed that even before I started looking at the composition of the team. That's what made me think to ask you about it, lol.</p>
<p>I 100% agree that the racists are not the ones you would suspect. Southern racism seems as if it really is more of the person over the group. I know people who are easily rascist, but they have not treated me bad, in fact I am sure that plenty of my friends are rascist as I am their only black friend. One of my friends even said she does not like "ghetto" black people and is unapologetic, she is probably less racist than others.</p>
<p>Wow. Okay. I am so proud to be Black in North America. A true child of the diaspora. I have traced my family in this country since the 1700's. I have a Revolutionary War Veteran amongst my kin, and he was not White. He was considered a Free Person of Color. There were members of my family who registered to vote right after the Civil War. I have seen the documentation with my own eyes. I am happy my son gets to see how happy it makes me when I find these bits of history that have been the foundation of whatever his generation and future generations decide to build upon it. Dbate don't remove yourself from who you are, (and believe it or not, no matter how successful we are...we are). "Friends" who you know are racist, are they really friends? Are you trying to change their minds about their feelings about Black people in general by pretending you are not Black like them? Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your opinion, and wish you much success in your future.</p>
<p>FLVADAD, thank you for the nice compliments. I really enjoy reading all about the successes of your children and also the other posters.</p>
<p>I have to say just one more thing. Don't we Black folks have a tight balance beam to walk. We don't want our children to identify people based on color, but we do have to educate them on what being Black means, (hopefully they can positively educate someone else by their actions). And, we can never, or should never forget that we are Black due to our history in this country, and the legacy we wish to leave to our children's children.</p>
<p>It is very difficult raising our very priviledged middle-class chiildren of integration in this still racist country. Our children are successful and have had experiences and opportunities that so many others of our race haven't had. My daughter is now into her second year in an elite LAC. She went to a predominately white private day school. She has friends of all races. However, now that she is in college around more Black people than she has ever been around (mostly middle and upper class Blacks), her closet friends are now Black (although she still has friendships across racial lines). Her roommate this year (she got to choose after her first year) is a upper middle class Black girl. She said they have a lot in common and don't have to explain or feel weird if they say they've travel certain places or done certain things. One of my closest friends daughter went to the same high school as my daughter (but she's four years older). We were discussing issues of racial identity with our kids. Her daughter closest friends throughout high school were white. She said when her daughter got to Stanford, she became an officer of the BSU, joined the gospel choir and was upset that she wasn't able to get into the Black dorm. It was a complete awakening of her Black side. My daughter told me that ran into one of her Black high school classmates who had basically NO idenitifcation with Black folks (not even Jack and Jill) over the summer. She said this girl had gone through a complete transformation. She said this girl has cut her hair short and is majoring in African American Studies and was talking none stop about issues of race. Something happened to open her eyes. My very priviledge daughter called me today to tell me about a reading she had for her Race and Politics class. She said she was shocked to read about the "trillions" of dollars lost to Black people due to slavery, Jim Crow, jobs we couldn't have, schools we couldn't attend and property we couldn't own. She went on and on about how even if Blacks can now earn the same salaries as whites and have the same jobs, whites will remain ahead even if they become the minority because of inherited wealth. They are financially so far ahead of Black people. I'm not one of these educated Black middle-class parents who act as if race doesn't exist. I do talk about race to my daughter and so do my friends. I don't want her to go out into the world thinking that someone because she has parents of a certain income and educational level that we are immuned from racism. But, she's well aware of this. It's not easy raising Black kids of any social class background but middle-class Black kids do have their own challenges because their experiences often don't confirm to the stereotypes that society expects of us. It's great to have this forum for exchange.</p>
<p>Wow! Stanford has a Black dorm? lmpw; what's the diversity numbers like at your D's LAC?</p>
<p>Yes, I assume there's a Black house/floor, etc. at Stanford. My daughter goes to Amherst College which is extremely diverse. It also has a Black House (Charles Drew House). But, students who aren't Black can stay there as well. I'm not sure if they do but, of course, the College has to make this proviso. There are other similar types of housing for Latinos, etc.</p>