<p>dbate - the only thing I can say, by way of wisdom is, that high school doesn't last forever. :)</p>
<p>
[quote]
"only white girls who date black guys are the ones who were fat and couldn't get thier own kind".
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Ouch...I am pretty sure I am not overweight, so I think your friend needs to get a reality check.</p>
<p>Dbate, there will always be people who are close-minded, but that doesn't mean you have to be. It's this girl's loss for limiting herself just because of race. My advice is that you approach this situation by telling her that you think it's really insulting when she does this, and that while you're not asking her to change her views, she should be a little more considerate. If that doesn't work, then listen to johnwesley: high school, with it's silly drama, doesn't last forever. This gal might just get a rude awakening when she goes off to college, in some way or another.</p>
<p>Dbate you seem to have alot of issues to work though.</p>
<p>"But may children may come out looking completely white (as the children of other black guys my skin color do) so then i will just raise them as if they are white."</p>
<p>Dbate, I have read so many of your posts and you seem very intelligent but it is true, you do have a lot of issues to work through. With your above statement, which i really think is misguided, you would be doing a terrible dis service to your potential children if that indeed was the case. How do you explain their black relatives?
I have a cousin who was raised as white, never knowing her black relatives and when both of her parents died,she was looking for family, did she get the surprise of her life and now she has some real issues that she is trying to deal with and not very well I might add. A lot of resentment toward a parent that isn't even around anymore.
As to the friend of yours, I'm not sure wgat you want because your statements are confusing. You seem to dismiss black females, yet this one has you in a tizzy. If she truly is a friend of yours, then I would tell her that she is being inconsiderate.
Maybe she is just bating all of the black guys and just want to make an announcement to the white guys that she is available to them.</p>
<p>Dbate, in a few more years, it will all seem so immature to you, (I hope). People are people, and the sooner we can stop the stereotypical labeling, (and it works both ways), the better.</p>
<p>Just dropping in. I'm fairly sure that I know exactly where Dbate is coming from (partly because, you know, I live in the same area and partly because I'm in- or was in- the same situation.) Honestly, I think both plans are far too rash. Look at your list of schools- three of them are Ivy League, and the other is pretty respected in our state. Just wait until college. There are bound to be a million attractive girls in Yale/H/P/UT Honors(well, maybe not as many there) who were the only NASFs in their school, or the highest ranked blacks, the only black in AP everything, etc.. You'll be well matched, and they won't be so into all the drama(like me! ;) IEers suck. kidding...).</p>
<p>on the girl: I'm sorry... I understand why you're somewhat interested in her(pretty and light skinned, a winning combo! ;) ) But understand that she has issues. She thinks that she's too good for black guys because it's almost like, in her head, she's so gorgeous that she can overcome racial bounds to snag not only blacks, but the "unreachable" white guys... sad, but most likely true. I've seen this before. Combined with the ultra racist commentary that's said in a "we're joking but not really" way, and you've got the perfect breeding ground for mental issues. That's why she's rubbing on you... she needs that validation. She has personal issues and I think you should set her straight or back off.</p>
<p>Just my thoughts.</p>
<p>double post.</p>
<p>With regard to your "girl" friend....Wow....just wow....I'll have to go with the "high school doesn't last forever" frame of mind....and that stuff about what superficially racist things kids say to each other...my son deals with SOME of the same and I don't know what to say...they just better not let ME hear it......What do YOU think about letting "them" get away with this....especially if you are the only Black one?</p>
<p>Also, around here, many of the "hot" white girls seem to like the black guys and hispanic guys just fine!</p>
<p>This...</p>
<p>Depending on my wife's race i may decide that it is better for them to only get the "school history" version as opposed to the full depths. Do you (Texasmama or anyone else) think that would be a good idea?</p>
<p>Does NOT sound like a good idea. You and school will not be the only lessons they are exposed to. You will not be able to control this so you might as well be a little pro-active.</p>
<p>And raising your kids "as white"! Great day in the morning! Why on earth would you even consider such a thing? Seems being "mixed" is just about the best thing going these days!</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>The perspective appears skewed to me, but teens think differently.</p>
<p>My family is multi-cultural. We embrace everybody. My maternal grandfather and his siblings could have all easily passed for white. I recall seeing my great-uncle driving his car through the 'hood and getting a bit concerned because he looked like a red-neck---lol.</p>
<p>My father, who is also extremely fair had issues in the late 60's early 70's because pf the color of his skin. He was the only black engineer at a company that had government contracts. When the folks came to verify the "affirmative action", it took a lot of convincing he was black. He tried to wear an afro and I gave him one of those picks with the fist on it--lol.</p>
<p>I have a cousin who married a Jew, and the children could look like anything. I have a cousin who married a Hispanic. I have a cousin who married a very dark African. We have one married to an Asian. We all come together as a.....FAMILY, embracing all cultures. What would we and our children have missed if we had been closed minded? And by the way, this is on both sides of my family, mother and father, and also...I have white aunts who are in their 80's...they did this when it was hard. This also includes men and women.</p>
<p>How fortunate we all are to learn first hand of all the cultures!!!</p>
<p>Dbate, are you sure you want your potential children to miss out on the diversity of thier heritage?</p>
<p>As for the HBCU, mu daughter considered only Howard and Spelman. She rejected Spelman, as she went to an all girls high school. She was the only black in her graduating class, and felt the need to connect with her heritage. She was embarassed and ashamed how she reacted to the inner-city blacks. </p>
<p>Her experience at Howard so far has been phenomenal. She has met many students like her, and those not like her. She has also met international students. When we moved her in, there were quite of few non-blacks on campus. </p>
<p>On a final note, she is in the honors program there, took 18 credits, 3 honors courses and finished her first semester with a 3.75 ( for those who remembered the early in the semester drama ). There will always be a place for HBCUs. I am extremely proud that 2 of her cousins selected HBCU's, with one in pre-med at Xavier-LA and the other came from California to attend Central State in Wiberfoce, Ohio.</p>
<p>dbate? I want 2 adopt u. You are SO deliciously outrageous. U make us furious, and sad, and nostalgic, and shocked, and protective. . . I'm with the "and this too shall pass" group. </p>
<p>Listen. If you're the reading type, you should really pick up Obama's 1st book "Dreams From My Father." It's the most honest book about struggling w/racial identity, teens & dating, among other experiences, I've read in a long time. U don't have to think like everyone here 2b 1 of us. That silly girl "friend" of yrs belongs here 2. </p>
<p>Like u, my daughter and her friends joke about race in ways that appear breathtakingly racist to me and my ilk. And yet, I remember doing pretty much the same in 8th grade. People grow up and quit saying that stuff -- even if some continue to think it. When it's unsaid, it's easier to pretend it's not there and not feel as angry and confused as you do now. </p>
<p>Now quit yer whinin' and apply to a some more colleges, ya durn elitist! Get outta Texas! See the world! Have fun!</p>
<p>In all honesty I think that ppl who refuse to date ppl of their own race probably have personal issues that they need to deal with. I was really reluctant to consider that she was the one who had a problem because she really is a nice girl, but I think that it is a personal thing and certainly not a reflection on MY attractiveness ;)! But those responses certainly helped (esp. inconspicous, though that sounded way to close to home) either way it will all blow over. </p>
<p>Skinkrap: I was considering that because my children could look entirely white (the other men who are my color or slightly darker their children look completely white but with a permamanent tan) so I thought it would be awkward for them to have to tell ppl that they are black. </p>
<p>Supermom: I may read that book.</p>
<p>And I think I will read that as well.</p>
<p>Honestly Dbate, it surprises me that you are a senior heading into college.</p>
<p>As a black, female, senior myself...a lot of what you say irritates, saddens, and frustrates me.</p>
<p>I don't have kids of my own but the fact that you are already planning on denying them a portion of their identity is sad. My nephew could easily pass for white, but why would we let him? You really should watch Imitation of Life. It's about a girl who is ashamed of her black mother and does everything in her ability to be as white as she possibly can. One of the saddest movies I have ever seen, and one of the most inspirational.</p>
<p>Also, it is entirely unfair of you to say that the girl you like is the one with all the problems. As far as I am concerned, you both are in the exact same boat. She doesn't like black guys, you don't like black girls. I understand that it is hurtful that she is flirting with your friend, but how can you expect her to like you when it is pretty evident that you may not be comfortable in your own skin.</p>
<p>Anyways, I just hope that you grow to be more comfortable with yourself and with your race. It is dissappointing that an intelligent black man with such potential has such thoughts as your own.</p>
<p>"Skinkrap: I was considering that because..."</p>
<p>Ooo! Hard for a shrink to ignore that typo ( ha ha! ) ...wouldn't it be something if your kids looked white but THEIRS didn't? Suprise!</p>
<p>P.S. "Pinky" is a similar movie. I originally posted it in my suggestion, then deleted it. These movies are truly "old school" and I guess I struggle with how much the generations after mine "need to know" too.</p>
<p>Pinky</a> and Imitation of Life Racial Passing in Literature and Film</p>
<p>I learned about "Pinky" because a camp counselor nicknamed me that. My mother lost it! My D nicknamed herself "Oreo" (gahhhh!), and a camp counselor told her what that meant. So much for not educating or children about our history...</p>
<p>I'll have to watch that! Thanks for the suggestion.</p>
<p>Dbate,
As to your original question to me, I think that people deserve to know all about their heritage, and I still, at age 47 often ask my parents questions about their past. and since my daughter went to your high school and also had lots of Asian American friends, she has found it fascinating to learn about other people's backgrounds as well.
My last piece of advice: Ignore that silly girl for at least five years. There is no shortage of intelligent, young black women in Texas.</p>
<p>Heres another interesting review.</p>
<p>Matters</a> of Race. Essays: ??? | PBS</p>
<p>I wonder if Dbates "friend" could be "The Devil in a Blue Dress"? I hope you won't take offense Dbate. I haven't seen it.</p>
<p>2 Legit: "As far as I am concerned, you both are in the exact same boat. She doesn't like black guys, you don't like black girls."</p>
<p>That is not true. I like black girls and white girls and asians girls, but I am mostly attracted to girls with long hair. On average (not to sterotype) many black girls do not have long hair (not talking about texture or whatever just length) so I do not find as many black girls attractive.</p>
<p>Race is not how I define attractiveness, in my opinion Indian girls are the most beautiful girls there are (they have the longest, darkest hair AAAHHH I love it!). </p>
<p>I want to make that distinction because I don't want ppl to think that I somehow have a disdain for my own race.</p>
<p>Hey guys! check this out!</p>
<p>Thanks, Shrinkrap. I had no idea that was there.</p>