Ridiculous Failure for Shame Pt.1

Student Lounge College Life
1

I could really use some help/advice.

I may think I just have failed out of college.

(Pre College Success):
I wanted to be an astronautical engineer (graduate studies). I knew I would need to go to a very good school to accomplish this goal, so I set my sights on one of the top 200 colleges in the world according to US News (it would likely be necessary to do so if I wanted to work for a company like NASA or Space X, I even saw articles about people my age interning at NASA designing things). I worked hard in school all my life, people would ask “why try in middle school” and I would tell them it would prepare me for High School and the road ahead. I knew my overprotective mother wouldn’t let me use a lot of tools or do a lot of interning, or do much with circuitry, and certainly wouldn’t let me do anything with chemistry nor could I/we afford to do any of those things. So I decided I would make a video game. I taught myself computer programming (as I thought this would be good credentials to go to school under the guise of a computer science major, then switch to mechanical engineering once in), and over the years I got very good at it (starting with C++ and moving myself up to about 30+ languages by the end of High School, I say this not because its impressive [its not because once you have learned on you have learned them all] but to show I was able to apply the general concepts, I am not trying to brag but give general qualifiers for my skill). My sophomore year, I won first place in my science fair with a software and made it to regional and won a Honorable Mention in the State Science Fair. The next year I won a third place at my school, a Third Place at regional and a Honorable Mention at the State Science Fair. Sophomore year I took a Computer Science Class as an extra curricular, I wrote a graphical video game in about 1700 lines for the class and the teacher excused me for every assignment except for the final and put a 102% in for my grade “to see if the 2% would show up.” Summer of my Junior year of High School I interned at a large name-brand electronics company (not mentioning name here) and wrote library for them. My bosses (I had two) were still very impressed with how I could learn MATLAB and other technologies so quickly and write quality code that they rated me to work on a “Professional Level” and years later they wanted me to come back to intern again (which I am/was hoping to do this summer, though neither of my bosses including one who went to MIT never wrote me the letter of recommendation for college I wanted :frowning: ). Although my GPA only ended up being around a 3.3 I was widely regarded as one of the smarter people in my school. I also took Honors computer science with a grade of an A and AP computer science with a grade of A and a 5 on the AP exam (but what STEM major didn’t it seems like, and it was the only AP class I had).

(Pre College Failure)
In spite of the internship Junior year actually ended up being the worst year academically of my life up to that point and I blame it on my ego. I always did things the hard way but sometimes I just did things a stupid way that had no hope of working. In my physics class I refused to lay out my equations, solve for the variable, then plug everything in. This ended up making the class massively more difficult the whole year and I worked like crazy to get a C- (spending 14 hours on one problem, waking up with calculator/pencil/homework on my pillow, spending 60 hours in a weekend on one homework), unfortunately this brought down the rest of my grades, even receiving a D+ for the first time in my life. I blame the majority of my GPA not being as high as it could be on that and my freshmen year when I did struggle a bit with algebra. Also the weighted GPA scale, and the classes I took. I have what was known as Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD (both formally diagnosed), and on my IEP it said I should have an aid in the classroom, this was only available for “College Level II” classes (There was, in ascending order College Level II, College Level I, Honors, and AP), and I took a couple of those my Freshmen year. In order to take Honors Chemistry I also had to take Geometry at College Level II instead of 1 (even an A in one of these classes I recall was roughly equivalent to a B-/B+ or A- in a Level 1/AP/Honors). It was my choice but everyone discouraged against me taking College Level I. Academically I dont think it would have made much of an impact on my performance. Though for social reasons I am glad it worked out the way it did (though my friends were mostly “smart kids” or nerdy outcasts XD, still all very good friends of mine today). I would have taken more AP classes however I wound up taking AP computer science my Senior instead of my Junior year because it was an online class, and the online classes were run by the librarian who thought since I had ADHD and “Aspergers” (though its apparently not called that anymore) that I “wouldn’t be organized enough to take an AP online class.” I wound up getting the faculty together at a meeting where she conceded, however it was too late as all the spots in AP computer science for Junior year were taken (so I took honors). I also had planned to become an early bird when it came to college applications however Junior year was too much of a stress and my Mom did not believe I could achieve my goals so she wasn’t very “into it” (she also didn’t want me to apply for an internship at Insert Nearby Ivy League School Here because she was afraid of me riding the train and didn’t want to drive me) and my Dad lived 3 hours away; (personal note over the summer of Junior year I changed fundamentally as a person) Senior year, however, was entirely my fault because there was a pretty girl and I didn’t want to think about applications, selecting most in in an ill-conceived manner and handing most in right before the deadlines (not to mention my mediocre college essay). Also 2 of my SAT’s came back higher than expected (I had taken an SAT prep class, and taken practice SAT’s) but my Writing SAT came back much much lower than any of my expected scores (mostly because I didn’t understand that extra time on the SAT actually cut some of the SAT off so I couldn’t balance out the score with questions from other sections as I wouldn’t be answering them). Despite knowing I could select which test scores to send individually and the fact that I knew I could easily crush the Writing score if I took it again, I elected not to because I was depressed about said pretty girl.

Please read Part 2 for why I included a lot of this.

2

I’m a little confused because you say you think you failed out of college but everything you mentioned has to do with high school. By failure you must mean that you failed getting into college maybe? If your story mentions what happened senior year then I assume you may have graduated from HS already.

3

Paragraph breaks are super helpful for people trying to follow your narrative.

4

I would like to try to help, but I have a few issues:

  1. You NEED paragraph breaks. It's so hard to read a wall of text.
  2. Please edit. I got through your first half but just don't want to attempt part B.
  3. If you need two posts to ask your question, you're not going to get lots of good answers. Could you please narrow down your question to a few sentences? We don't need all the gory details. From your first half, I get it: you're smart. So now what?
5

It sounds like your GPA and test scores are too low for the colleges you hoped to attend. There are thousands of schools in the US so you can find one that’s right for you, but you need to work with the situation you have.

If I understand your post correctly you have:

  • a 3.3 GPA
  • one AP class (with a 5 on the exam)
  • a lopsided SAT score (“low” writing but okay reading and math)
  • Asperger’s and ADHD
  • a mother who doesn’t seem to want you too far away
  • a dad who lives several hours away

If you want help finding a school we need more information. Where you can go to school depends on your parents as much as your academic record. Will they let you dorm or do they want you to commute to a local college? How much can they afford to pay? What’s your SAT score? Is the 3.3 GPA weighted or unweighted? What state are you in?

If you can answer some of these questions we may be able to help you.

6

Hi, sorry I was pretty freaked out the day I wrote this.

“I’m a little confused because you say you think you failed out of college but everything you mentioned has to do with high school. By failure you must mean that you failed getting into college maybe? If your story mentions what happened senior year then I assume you may have graduated from HS already.”

Yes I am, the college part was part 2 but it didn’t make it, so apparently the moderator somehow thought it violated the
policy of the forum. Not sure why, however I will post a revised/edited version here as a reply that hopefully does not violate the policies of the forum to make it less confusing.

“Paragraph breaks are super helpful for people trying to follow your narrative.”

Will edit.

would like to try to help, but I have a few issues:

  1. You NEED paragraph breaks. It's so hard to read a wall of text.
  2. Please edit. I got through your first half but just don't want to attempt part B.
  3. If you need two posts to ask your question, you're not going to get lots of good answers. Could you please narrow down your question to a few sentences? We don't need all the gory details. From your first half, I get it: you're smart. So now what?

I will work on it. I wasent trying to brag or anything, part 2 is pretty much a failure story, but I will narrow it down.

It sounds like your GPA and test scores are too low for the colleges you hoped to attend. There are thousands of schools in the US so you can find one that’s right for you, but you need to work with the situation you have.

If I understand your post correctly you have:

  • a 3.3 GPA
  • one AP class (with a 5 on the exam)
  • a lopsided SAT score (“low” writing but okay reading and math)
  • Asperger’s and ADHD
  • a mother who doesn’t seem to want you too far away
  • a dad who lives several hours away

If you want help finding a school we need more information. Where you can go to school depends on your parents as much as your academic record. Will they let you dorm or do they want you to commute to a local college? How much can they afford to pay? What’s your SAT score? Is the 3.3 GPA weighted or unweighted? What state are you in?

If you can answer some of these questions we may be able to help you.

I have hoped the activities I did outside of school may help. I dont care which school I go to as long as it gets me where I want to go and maybe gets me a degree in specifically astronautical engineering at some point. What I will put here might help with your next couple questions.

7

(College [Pretty much one big failure])

I wound up going to a Catholic School after much deliberating, the school which actually did make it pretty high on the Princeton review of the world’s best colleges, but at the time I thought myself an idoit for not doing my applications correctly, which were built for a computer science major switching into mechanical engineering as mentioned earlier. But I wound up throwing caution to the wind after finding out there were GPA requirements for switching majors, even though I believed I could make them I applied as a mechanical engineering major which was much harder to get into a lot of the schools that I was applying for as, because I didn’t want to risk not being able to switch. I still regard this as a dumb decision and actually think I may have had much more of a shot at MIT if I had applied as a computer science major despite my GPA and SAT scores.

In any case, I was very depressed, I withdrew from calculus, got a D- in physics (which happened for a stupid reason, my fault but my grade was good until I had to do a makeup quiz and a final in one day and stayed up too late [studying, I couldn't get a problem right, even though all the equations seemed right, figured out that one of the "U's" in the book wasent the same as another one, and I stayed up until 7 AM because of that] and also couldn't get my time and a half [which I later found out I got authorization for a minute after the final began]) [/spoiler] and was not acting like the student I use to be. My grades were bad, but passing for the most part. I took acting, voice lessons and chorus one semester where I had my "mid-mid life crisis" and thought maybe I wanted to do something outside of STEM, this stuck with me until my third semester there where I got a D in pretty much everything. I was went through a decision making processes where I would either return to my school for a semester or take a semester off. I wound up taking a semester off. After it I went to a state school to try to be a music major. After 1.5 semesters there, I had to drop out, and a few months later -about two and a half years ago- Scrupulosity OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder not around washing hands and germs but around ethics and morals) took over my life. I have a feeling the beginnings of it were messing with me for a very long time. I finally became functional again about a year and a half ago (this is also why I am trying to keep this as anonymous as possible). I still have a lot of anxiety but not too many obsessions/compulsions at least not that interfere too too much.


I had wanted to return to my first school but the application deadline was too late (though I thought applying for that semester would be earlier and feasibly could have, stupid mistake). I wound up working part time for the semester and returning part time to my state school for the following semester. I did badly in the two classes (C- in Physics II [though I have a feeling it was really a D+, and D+ in Calculus II) I took, and re-took one over the summer (CalcII). Though I was still registered as a music major I was heading back down the Computer Science and Mechanical Engineering rout I had started on. That brings me to today, the head of the physics department gave me the go ahead as a sort of last chance for the next physics class and I took Data Structures, Operating Systems, Calculus III, Choir and Performance Study.


My plan was to return to my original school and partake in the 3:2 (three years in one major at their school and two years at another school for the engineering major, both Bachelors, which can be done if one is readmitting as opposed to transferring so long as that was your major when you left) program they offered as I was before, however they informed me the requirements have been bumped up and it would be next to impossible to meet them with my record. As well as I think I may have failed Physics, I failed CalcIII and and maybe Operating Systems (which I have an incomplete in, which I am hoping I didn't misunderstand and miss the deadline) I may have even done poorly in data structures (or may as well be, I didn't turn in 25% of course credits due to being busy with physics even though it was very easy [and I got a 94+% on the mid term and likely a high score on the final as well], PS thats also why I have an incomplete in Operating Systems and a F in CalcIII [though it wasent an F for the rest of the Semester T.T I didn't see this coming]).

I am very upset with myself as you can probably imagine. I wanted to make a post today asking about applying to another Catholic School that has the same 3:2 program (which I was also accepted to before) as a freshman and transferring credits (because one can not transfer into this program, and also part of why I included the stuff about highschool), and ask for recommended schools, (one I was thinking of was Wentworth Institute of Technology), but now I am very concerned about getting kicked out, and even if I dont, Im concerned I wont be able to move on in the physics never-mind escape this school (not to mention disappointed his OS professor, because he could see I already knew the course content and was expecting something spectacular but I was so busy with physics I didn't even get the baseline done [though he said what I did do went above and beyond]). ("Move on in a physics major" is part of why I am making this post because my school doesn't have mechanical engineering, part of the reason I want to get out, also the grad opportunities seem limited). 

Most of the failure this semester happened in a matter of days, I am horrible with time and I didn't show up to my labs (late was one thing but late and living 30 minutes away is another); as a result was doing them the last couple days before finals. I got the journals and reports done but I didn't get to study much and pushed off my last few assignments in my other classes.


I don't know what to do now. I love my parents but don't tend to trust my parents advice for a number of reasons including just the fact that it usually hasn't worked out for me. In addition I did get accepted to Florida Institute of Technology but from what I can tell its not all that well respected. Another thought of mine is to pursue a physics + computer science degree and get a masters in mechanical engineering. I dont know what to do I am very disappointed and frustrated with myself and my options seem to be getting smaller and smaller, maybe even disappearing.

I guess to put my question more succinctly I’m asking:

  • For general advice/help
  • Is it possible to apply to a school as a freshmen then transfer credits in from other schools
  • Is there any way I might be able to get out of this school and into another
  • How to pursue the major and other things I want to do and recover from this.

Sorry this is so long and goes into so many details, I felt they mattered because this is a very bad failure and I wasent always a bad student like this. I know I can do more, and a lot of my failures are due to logistical reasons on my part rather than not being smart enough, or even in the case of data structures and OS knowing the subject already, having the professor know that and still doing poorly. I feel like no matter what I do I mess up. I can just default and be just a computer science major and I think everything would be fine. But I want to do more than that. I have always wanted to be an engineer since I was a kid. I feel like I have ruined my own dream which I worked so hard for before college.

8

UPDATE: I didn’t end up failing anything!!! Im so excited about that fact, I got a couple of D’s and I still have an incomplete but I haven’t failed anything! I got a B- in Data Structures and an A- in Performance Study!

9

@geyirib, glad to hear that things ended up better than you were fearing. As for help, it’s hard because you have so much detail in your posts. Could you answer, in brief one sentence answers, the questions in austinmshauri’s post?

Also, now that you are not failing out, it looks as if you are specifically looking for: “applying to another Catholic School that has the same 3:2 program (which I was also accepted to before) as a freshman and transferring credits” what program is that specifically? Is this what you want to search for?

As for general advice, I wonder if you should focus first on mental health and your diagnoses. It sounds as if the Asperger’s and ADHD are still holding you back from the academic performance that you seem capable of. Are you working with your doctor on these? Also, as you look at schools to move to, this should be an important factor in your decision, maybe looking for schools that have proven strengths supporting students with these diagnoses.

Not every student is a match for MIT or highly selective schools (neither of mine were), and that’s OK. What is important is to find a school that matches you…your strengths, your challenges and your interests (and your finances and any family location considerations).

10

How many colleges have you attended? It sounds like you did 1.5 years at a Catholic college and 1 at a state school. Are you considered a junior at your current college?

You can’t apply as a freshman. If you transfer to another school you’ll have to send all your transcripts. What’s your GPA at each college?

Are your parents helping you pay for school? There’s a limit to state and federal aid, so your plan has to include how you’re going to fund your education.

I don’t think changing schools is the answer right now. I think you need to figure out how to succeed where you are first.

11

I can understand what you are going through because I have asperger’s. While i’'ve never been on academic probation or suspension I have done poorly in some classes and had to retake them. I would seriously consider going to community college and then transfering back to university. Also, look at how much financial aid you have left and make a plan.

12

Another thought:

You may want to be an Aeronautical Engineer, but that may not be possible.
You have major Computer Science Skills, so why not take advantage of that and work in an aeronautical company?

Even if you didn’t fail all your classes, you will be put on academic probation. If you do the same next year, you will be academically expelled.
If you have Asperger’s, you probably have some Executive Functioning issues. this is the part of you brain that helps you plan. You may need to look at schools that have assistance in that area…someone that will help you keep on track. It might be good to switch to Community College and get more support at home and do well in a limited number of classes. Then transfer to another school later.

13

Sorry I haven’t responded to this yet, there is a bit of a backlog so this post is going to be a bit long.

@TS0104

Yes:

also @austinmshauri

I don’t remember for the first one (but I believe it was mid-high 2.x by the end of it all D:) but right now its a pretty awful 2.050 I have never had such a low GPA in my life, I’m hoping I can bring that up for two reasons 1: I have an incomplete 2: I have an F on my record that should be a W. I pretty much regard anything below a 3.3 as bad but somewhat acceptable and 2.x as absolute garbage (as I think most people do).

My father is a doctor so quite a bit he has payed for my semester in full, though I would probably still need a loan or payment plan for a private school. When I work (summers) I pay for the loans though.

I currently have access to two of them:

SAT Verbal: 540 (I think this is the bad one I mentioned, not sure, I have verbal processing issues and a 2nd percentile reading rate though)
SAT Math: 620 (not the greatest but better than I expected)

Probably unweighted? Not sure because like I said you could only get a 5.2 with a grade of A+ in AP classes, and 4.8 with a grade of an A+ in honors classes. Regardless of what class you were in its all averaged together.

Also, now that you are not failing out, it looks as if you are specifically looking for: “applying to another Catholic School that has the same 3:2 program (which I was also accepted to before) as a freshman and transferring credits” what program is that specifically? Is this what you want to search for?

Its called 3:2 (three-two), I already know of a school that I am considering applying to that has it and I have been accepted too before. It is at a number of Holy Cross colleges, the three years is spent at one of the Holy Cross colleges you are attending and the two years is spent at Notre Dame. Both the Catholic school I was attending and the one I am considering applying to as a freshman are Holy Cross colleges.

@austinmshauri

2

Can you elaborate please?

No, I am considered a sophomore, I don’t know why though.

Yes

I wanted to do this semester but now, I’m thinking next year if even.

@SuperGeo5999

Logistically thats a possibly viable option but I would like to avoid it, overall I have hated the college experience and I would like to get the degree I need and get out asap. Since I have taken the sophomore level courses I need for the most part I am also not sure what more community college can offer me. I also think in general its not really for me.

My loans already started to come in a year or two ago especially since I was out of school/part time for a while, so I have had to start paying, my parents have helped a lot.

@bopper

As logistically sound as this seems, I consider this a non-option. Separate from that as for the second part I personally see something like that as taking “the easy way out.” I have the temptation a lot to just get a computer science degree because I know it would be easy I can excel at it but I wouldn’t really be learning anything at the school, it would be just taking the knowledge I already have trolololing through all my classes and not growing as a person or in my knowledge, I dread the idea of being limited to working in a cubical without creating anything outside of a computer. I don’t see college as just a means to an end for a job, I see it as a means in itself as well. I have dreams I that would be very unlikely to be accomplished if I just settled for a computer science degree (partially because the “practical matter” would always tend to lead me toward just working a programming job or something like it, while that’s something I want to do its not the only thing).

Yes I am very concerned about this. Not that transferring is the solution to this problem but if I did this wouldn’t be an issue.

My friend did that, the college could not even offer him an accredited computer science degree like they said they would to him and all the other people in the “computer science major,” he wound up transferring and is retaking his junior year at the moment. The others cant find jobs. I find that anything that is designed for special needs people unfortunately just means mediocre education for the most part and limited opportunities (unless at his college you were an English major, then they put on the ritz and didn’t let bees nests sit in the CS/STEM department building for a year). It is more than just this one example where I have experienced this or seen someone else experience this in my life.

As support from home, I’m not sure I would mind going far away for a while at this point, everyone I know is living in different states (though I am very happy that they visit and are in touch) are too busy, too lazy, or don’t care to with often because I don’t smoke pot or drink, but as for the colleges I am applying too they are for the most part reasonably close to home (30 minutes to an hour). I dont want to commute as I find when it comes to school living with my parents hurts a lot more than it helps

As I said to SuperGeo5999 I am not sure a community college is a good fit for me, and I am really not sure what they can offer me at this point so late into my education.

I hope this post answers some questions?

14

@bopper

Also

I think the sheer loneliness has honestly been a huge contribute to my academic performance. I lack motivation a lot of the time because I lack people who I can give something too to be motivated about (not entirely of course and Im not just speaking about romantic relationships).

15

@bopper

One quick correction the end goal is to be an Astronautical Engineer (deals specifically with space not air).

16

“I am really not sure what they can offer me at this point so late into my education.”

First of all, it is not late in your education. I know many successful people, and pretty much none of us took the shortest or most direct route to get there. You need to understand that you have a lot of time ahead of you, take one day at a time, and make a little progress today.

Relax. You don’t have to get to NASA today or next week. You don’t have to get to MIT today or next week. Make progress for this semester. Worry about next year later.

Engineering and computer science are about taking very big and complex jobs and solving them one step at a time. No one designs a rocket in a day. They design one little part of it today.

You need to learn to focus. You also need to learn to find the easier and more straightforward way to solve problems. Similarly, it would help to find the easier and more straightforward way to write down your ideas. What do people reading this thread need to know? What issue do you want to solve now?

I see that you got a B in data structures. This is actually an important class. Programming is about learning programming languages in the same sense that being a lawyer is about speaking English and French. You need a language to be able to say what you want. However, what you say is more important than what language you use to say it. If you get the data structures and program structure right, it makes programming much easier.

Try to do well in this semester’s classes.

17

@Geyirib

Once I watched a documentary about climbing Mount Everest.
There was one climber who had Asthma. He was trying to show how Asthmatics could persevere and he was on his third attempt to climb Mount Everest without supplemental oxygen.

He was failing in his attempt.

The leader of the expedition asked him: “Do you want be someone who didn’t climb Everest without oxygen? or do you want to be someone who summitted Everest?”

The climber decided to use the oxygen and summit Everest.

Was that his first goal? No.
Was it a goal that is worthy and most people can’t do? yes
Was it a goal he had the skills and preparation to do? Yes
Was it because of something beyond his control? Yes.
Was it the “easy” way out? Nothing about climbing Mt Everest is easy.

So decide if you want a job, a job in Astronomics, or if you want to try to climb Everest again without oxygen.