Romani, you’re doing well.
Ah yes, me too.?I had no idea how much money having these kiddos was going to cost me, oh boy.
I only breastfed for a month for my kids, supplemented with formula. I hated it, as it was excruciating for me. For the first baby, I was sent on trips to Europe and the Middle East, and 29 years ago, you couldn’t pump and overnight the formula so easily. Second kid was a hungry guy and it hurt so much. They didn’t get sicker than any other kids. Nobody judged back then, in fact I don’t recall anyone even asking.
@jym626 : No Baby #2 announcement yet. Knowing DIL (she’s very organized and scheduled), I expect they will start trying when #1 is around 14 months old, so they would be ~two years apart.
Everyone’s story is different.
I used diaper service for all 4 kids. We got so we could change the diapers with great speed. Just didn’t want so much in the landfill (yes, back in the late 80’s and 90’s). We were fortunate that our daycare was willing to allow cloth diapers if I provided them, pins, plastic pants, and a pail and took them out weekly. We used cloth all the time unless we were flying, otherwise took a small pail along. Yes, everywhere we went. D2 wasn’t toilet-trained until age 3.5, so I got a year of free service because the company’s motto was trained at 2.5 or free.
I tried to breastfeed S1. Lasted 3 weeks, very painful, got mastitis, quit. Formula for all kids after that. DIL has PCOS, breastfeeding was a disaster and GD was starving. Formula supplement at day 2, complete formula feeding by day 4.
There is way too much shame placed on new moms who can’t or don’t want to nurse, when they should be supported in their entry to motherhood. Feeding methods don’t matter as much as keeping your child alive.
A worthy goal, indeed.
@MaineLonghorn and others - touche, I said that poorly lol. What I meant was, we don’t have to buy or ask for the big ticket items (crib, stroller, etc) because we’re getting theme in handmedowns.
@garland and others - I know logically that my choices don’t make a bit of difference environmentally. I am staunchly opposed to things like the plastic straw bans because it’s ableist and not the problem. But there’s still something about having so many plastic diapers that just doesn’t sit right with me. Oy.
Regarding breastfeeding - for those of you tsk-tsking, I have explained before why I will not be breastfeeding. You are welcome to look through these posts to find it but I owe no one an explanation.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” is my “bless your heart”/smile and nod.
Mommy shaming is the worst and I had hoped we were beyond that. Guess not. I was bottled fed. I turned out OK I think. My happy, healthy 10 month old nephew is bottle fed and he’s ahead of all of his developmental milestones. Guess he’s doing fine.
It doesn’t bother me though what people think of me. People thought my parents were horrible parents growing up because they were pretty free-range and laid back. I learned a long time ago that people can put their unsolicited opinions on the curb with the garbage where they belong.
I haven’t stopped by in awhile, but just saw your comments about being shamed for bottle feeding. Really? We aren’t all past that? I tried breastfeeding for 2 days. It was so excruciating. I started formula feeding and it was wonderful! DH liked it, too. After a couple weeks I switched to soy as the regular was causing to much gas pain.
I’ve been reading your journey and are happy for you and Mr R. I have no advice other than do what’s best for you and baby R. I supplemented breastfeeding with formula with my twins because that’s what worked best for us.
If there’s a local twins club in your area, sometimes they have great “garage” sales for used equipment or clothing. Babies grow so fast so they outgrown their clothing and toys.
Wishing you happiness on your journey!
Not to worry, Romani. On some threads we all open up more, a sort of anonymous intimacy. I don’t think anyone was critiquing.
What we know is that parenting is wonderful, but TOUGH. I joke that if we all knew in advance how tough…
You do what you and Mr think is right. Babies have been bottle fed for generations. It’s your choice what to do about diapers.
Oh my. I admit I am mostly a lurker, but I have to say, I’ve been following this, and I really don’t feel like anyone was shaming anyone. Maybe some are reflecting back on their own experiences, but I really didn’t feel like anyone was “shaming”. Best on the baby jedi!
Romani, you do what you need to so you’re able to be as healthy and happy as possible for yourself and the little Jedi. No judgment here!
I don’t know that anyone was shaming here, maybe just commenting. But there is the mommy shaming sentiment out there, for this, that and whatever. I don’t think I would take it personal, as there always people who think if you don’t do things their way, you’re wrong.
Even subtle comments like “not breastfeeding is heartbreaking” imo is a type of shaming. (There have been a couple throughout the thread and that coupled with what I wrote below are what made me say it)
But it wasn’t just that. I had just come from a fb science page where they posted this article about formula on the verge of becoming “just as nutritious” as breastfeeding: https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/new-discovery-could-make-formula-as-nutritious-as-breast-milk/ The comments were a cesspool of mommy shaming of people who formula fed for whatever reason. It’s just a shame to me that this type of judgment/shaming/whatever you want to call it still exists.
The comments on the article kind of reflect the comments that were on the fb post.
The funny part is, when my mom formula fed me nearly 30 years ago, no one ever said a word to her. It was just accepted. Unfortunately, the “breast is best” campaign has brought back formula shaming in full force. It’s ridiculous.
I don’t even want to look at that FB page (is “fb science page” an oxymoron?), I guess I was just trying to say that people who say things like “not breastfeeding is heartbreaking” are coming from their own experience (like, I couldn’t breastfeed and it was heartbreaking for me) and not realizing that it feels judgemental to you - benefit of the doubt and all that? But I totally hear where you’re coming from - smile and nod!
Yes, I also read “heartbreaking” as a reference to another poster who wanted to breastfeed but was in terrible pain. I remember an older thread where many women simply cannot, for various reasons, or were in pain.
Fed is best.
The whole mommy-shaming thing is just an extension of the ancient woman-shaming thing. Is your skin too brown? Paint it with lead. Are your feet cumbersome and unwieldily? Bind them. Is your waist too wide? Cinch it in with this whalebone corset. Are you too fat? Go and have liposuction. Are you too old? Get a face lift.
You will never meet anyone’s idea of perfection or even competence as a woman. Enjoy your freedom not to.
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? lol yes. Normally it’s fairly entertaining. Today was not one of those days.
Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. Who knows. It’s not my normal state of being. But yesterday, I burst into tears because Mr R is leaving for a few days later this week. We’re apart probably half the week all the time because my research is on the other side of the state but I, for no apparent reason other than hormones, decided that this was the worst thing to happen to me this year. shrug
“Not breastfeeding is heartbreaking” has all kind of judgment attached, IMO. Smiling and nodding works both ways. 
You don’t have to share every thought, especially not to an expectant mother who, like all of us, are out here just trying to do our best.
Motherhood - put your seatbelt on, your earplugs in and your armor on. You’ll get plenty of unasked for advice. It’ll make the pregnancy phase seem like a cakewalk. Just ignore 99.9% of it and do what you want to do.
I can’t tell you how many old ladies in particular - strangers - came up to me to give me totally unsolicited advice. One told me she was appalled that my 6 month old in a stroller in a shopping mall was only wearing socks and not shoes. Since I was living in the south at the time, all I’ll say is “bless her heart”. 