<p>My daughter is in at University of South Carolina and we have submitted our enrollment deposit and housing deposit. I know she is stressing over finding a room mate. Of the kids who have posted on the FB page I would say none are good matches so far. I know she is worried about her weight. She participates in 3 sports in high school and plans to work out at school but I am sure this issue will be a struggle for her. I don't what kids experiences are when they are not perfect. It sure looks like everyone is perfect! I don't want her to have to deal with being teased or harassed for this. I am open to discussion.</p>
<p>Weight issues are a major problem on college campuses across the country. While it would be bad for your D to get a roommate who is a b**y twig, it would also be bad to get a roommate who is an enabler. Your D needs to be able to separate her self image from whatever anyone else might be saying or doing (umm, yeah, right, not easy). How would you describe her ability to do that?</p>
<p>One would hope that by the time kids are in college that most of the students are mature enough NOT to tease people about being less than perfect–especially given that no one is perfect.</p>
<p>How many freshmen have posted so far? I would assume that more will be posting down the road and her choices will be greater for roommate selection.</p>
<p>Believe me, with the weight problems in this country, I KNOW that your DD is not the only one, and not just one of a handful that are struggling with this problem. I do not know who has posted on FB, but I would bet that there are a lot of students who are not posting because they feel similar to your daughter and share the same struggles with weight as she does.</p>
<p>Has she posted on FB yet?</p>
<p>Kids have to find their own roommates? Doesn’t the college assign them? </p>
<p>I think the things to worry about are the basics: hours and habits, and control of the thermostat if that is possible. Early riser/late riser, smoker/non-smoker, extremely neat/slob and so forth. Whether the prospective roomie has a BF or GF that they plan to have in the room every weekend. Beyond that, you just don’t know how things are going to turn out. The extremely shy, quiet non-partier could meet The One the first week of school and either vanish to his/her place or have him/her encamped in the room 24/7.</p>
<p>Somewhere someone said that one ought to look on a rooming situation as a business partnership. If it turns into friendship, that’s a bonus. If I were your D I would try to stay away from a lot of social machinations and potential Queen Bee/Mean Girls stuff before they even arrive on campus. :)</p>
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<p>If I understand correctly, kids go to FB to “meet” potential roommates. Some find each other there, and others choose to just go pot luck and let the school choose.</p>
<p>Most still work the old fashioned way - they fill out a form from the college and allow the college to choose. My understanding is that FB choices work out about as well as the college choices.</p>
<p>I’d probably just fill out the survey and let the school pick. People are no more honest on fb than they are on the survey (d’s fellow early riser roommate stayed up half the night and slept until noon). And I really wouldn’t worry about the weight issue. There are lots of big girls on campus, and there will be more by year’s end-- probably a combination of all you can eat buffet styles meals with dessert and beer.</p>
<p>Frankly, I never heard of being teased, they are not 10 y o anymore.
On the note of room mate. D. contacted her future roomate and she also happened to be valedictorian. She was completely different major, so they both enjoyed room at different time being on different schedule and both keeping themselves busy. The only thing that bothered my D. was that the roomate was a bit too messy. However, D. (and apparently her roomate) was pretty acceptig and appreciated other aspects. They were able to stay together for 2 years. Even survivied moving to another dorm and not being friends at all. Many others parted not on a good note at all.
I pointed out few things that worked for my D. Maybe it will help yours.</p>
<p>Just FYI…My daughter is very thin. Not by choice. It is just her makeup. She has been teased for being so thin and too tall. She has learned to be happy in her own skin. It took some years, but she is over it. At her college, she just filled out a form and is waiting for roommate assignment. It’s going to be a surprise. I might focus on being happy in your daughter’s own skin. Everybody has stuff. Embrace the roommate surprise. Nobody is perfect. How your daughter deals with it is what will make it perfect.</p>
<p>^It is not advisable to be surrounded with immature people in any aspect, including appearance. I suppose that some college kids are still operating socially at 10-12 y o level. But again, it goes back to the fact who you decided to be surrounded. More mature crowd will not let person down for appearance reasons…</p>
<p>There are also roommate matching websites that a student can sign up for. Each person answers a long list of questions and it “matches” you with possible roommates. I’ve known several students who’ve used these, as well as FB, and each person was very happy with her (they were all female, although males use them too) roommate. I’m willing to guess that 99% of roommate problems boil down to these roommate differences: partier/non-partier; smoker/non-smoker; wants to have BF or GF overnight (read: sex in room)/doesn’t want overnight guests; very neat/very messy. You can pre-screen to try to avoid those problems. I realize that not everyone will be honest and some people change a lot once they get to college, but it has to be less risky than taking potluck.</p>
<p>My daughter found her freshmen year roommate on a message board that I think was linked with the school. It worked well, they had lots of similar interests.</p>
<p>Some schools do a survey and match students, others leave it completely random. My son’s experience at Wisconsin – where there is random roommate process, so sounds like OP experience – is that there the admitted students FB group has literally thousands of posts by students identifying their interests, musical tastes, partier/non-partier preferences etc. Then students who think they are good matches respond directly or message them privately. This way, students feel at least they have some control and can minimize basic conflicts. </p>
<p>Other schools, like Iowa, where he had signed up for non-binding housing, has an on-line questionnaire and then identifies the highest “matches” for you in terms of compatibility --things like neatness, sleep schedule, whether you need quiet or noise to study etc.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP…Well said. !!!</p>
<p>We have come across a few schools that use FB or similar for roommate selection. The housing directors have said that they end up with fewer conflicts that way because the kids know THEY were responsible for picking each other. Not that they don’t still have some but they said that the roommates seem to try to work things out more first vs running to the RA right away.</p>
<p>I expect that weight will not be an issue if your DD does not make it one. I’ve heard a lot of roommate complaints, but “Ew, I don’t want to room with the fat girl” is not one of them. Has your daughter faced a lot of cruelty during HS? College is usually better on that score, so if she’s gotten along OK in HS, I would not worry.</p>
<p>Minn2nc - Although it may be hard I suggest you D post on the FB page letting others know she is looking for a room mate. If she she is concerned others may not like her because of her weight (and I am not sure if she is heavy or just worried not playing 3 sports she will get heavy) then she should make sure her current picture is her profile pic. That way, anyway who is shallow and would not want to room with a heavier girl doesn’t respond. And she can list the qualities she is looking for and hopefully end up with a better match than a random draw. College is a great time to practice getting outside ones comfort zone. My S refused to do the FB thing and was randomly assigned a room mate. Ends up that while he doesn’t dislike the boy, they have nothing in common. There hasn’t been any drama that I know of, but they do not interact at all.</p>
<p>minn-
Playing devil’s advocate…
Is your d considering outlier roommates, herself?
Maybe one from a foreign country? OOS? Older student? Athletic, like herself?</p>