I am a second semester freshman and had an enjoyable and successful first semester for the most part. However, my roomate is horrible and the only reason I haven’t switched yet is I’m afraid of getting someone dangerous or even more problematic.
Anyway, I am actually getting scared now with some of his habits since the new year. He is a Korean American dual citizen and has spent about half of his life in each country. I bring this up because he has some habits that I am not sure can be attributed to his culture or just being a crazy guy. He is fixated on Kpop, which I wouldn’t mind on its own. But he has been skipping about 1/2 of his classes to lay in his bed and watch Kpop tv shows. He almost never leaves the room (even eats all of his meals in the room) so he is watching over 16 hours a day of it.
While this is probably unhealthy, what is deeply concerning to me is his obsession with the sexualized female idols. He has an EXTENSIVE collection of action figures, large posters, a calendar, and several photo albums, cards, novels, and picture books etc… of these girls. Plus, he was once describing to one of my friends about how attractive they were to him when my friend asked about it (I won’t go into details here). The most disturbing part is when he brings his paraphernalia into the bathroom with him for extensive periods of time. These girls look like they’re around 16-19 years old. And his collection is growing. He doesn’t have any friends that I know of at school right now since all of his time is devoted to his Kpop idol obsession. He’s extremely antisocial.
When the posters went up, I got so frustrated that I called my mom and asked her what to do. She told me this is just the way Korean culture is and that she doesn’t think I should be worried. But I really doubt this, as most Korean guys I’ve known would not be into that kinda stuff. Anyway, my question is: is this normal for his culture? Or should I try to get out as soon as a can for my own good? Some of my friends think I should reassign but I’m worried I’ll just get another crazy person.
Actually there are tons of people into KPop and all things Korean, and actually more non-Korean folks than Korean from what I can tell. Just look at all the adoration when BTS was in the US last September. It doesn’t really sound like much of a problem to me, from everything you have described. Well, missing classes is a bad thing, but that’s his problem, not yours. People also obsess over Bieber and Swift and Timberlake just the same.
I would say all the K girl groups would have members 18 and over, though quite a few might start training at an earlier age. It takes a while for members to debut, usually a few years if they’re lucky.
He doesn’t sound dangerous. Just like he’s fixated on teen Kpop
stars. He’ll likely flunk out if he makes it to the end of the year. You probably could do worse.
@Publisher absolutely he’s in the room 22 hours a day. It sucks and I (and my floor mates because the smell reaches 60 ft away) can’t stand his food. I can’t ever have friends over because they can’t stand the smell.
One thing you could do to “combat the problem” of his KPop adulation is to listen to some of it. There’s a lot of awesome stuff out there. There are a lot of good groups, but start with groups that have English-speaking members. BlackPink, 2NE1, Jessi would be good starts.
I think that you should ask to be reassigned. In your request, you might mention that it will benefit both you & your roommate. Seems clear to me that he needs something to motivate him to alter his daily routine. A change of roommate might do the trick.
@ProfessorPlum168 most of it is not bad music but it’s just not my cup of tea personally. I just am sick of him blasting it super loud and am concerned with his absolute obsession.
@lookingforward nothing we can do about the eating situation, my RA also eats a lot in his room and sympathizes with him. @suzy100 no kitchens unfortunately which is a major bummer. I sometimes ask him to put in headphones and he usually is passive aggressive about it and will take them off again when I leave for 5 min or use the bathroom or something.
Put in a room change request. This obviously bothers you so why continue to live this way. Your room shouldn’t be a place where you don’t want to be and can’t have friends over.
As long he is keeping his stuff on his side of the room, then let him do his thing
HOWEVER…I would contact the RA or other authority at college and let them know you are concerned about your roommate because he is not going to classes anymore. Be it Kpop, video games, depression or whatever, it is good for the college to know they have a student at risk. If the RA kind of blows you off, then contact the dean of students or any adult that works at the college and tell them your concerns (about eating in room and not going to class)
He’s not the first teen to have posters of actors or singers on their wall. Farrah Fawcett sold a lot of them and the stars of Baywatch did too. And it’s not unusual for teens to disappear into the bathroom with a magazine either.
People like different things. It’s not unusual for people to have posters, action figures, or other promotional materials from shows, music artists, or games. Some even hold conventions for their fans complete with costume contests. Just because it doesn’t interest you doesn’t mean he’s weird because it interests him.
Your problem seems to be that he plays music without headphones and his choice of food literally stinks. You can ask that he wear headphones, but I don’t think you can ask him to change his diet. Your best option is probably to ask for a different room next term.
Is he depressed? If he is antisocial, skips most of his classes, and even eats in his room vs the dining halls with friends, then it’s perhaps more than an obsession.
I would suggest going beyond the RA, and speaking confidentially with the RD. They are trained beyond what knowledge RAs have. This young man may need more help, including counseling.
As for your switching rooms. Yes, you would want to move. Soon. But, my suggestion is don’t make it appear “it’s because of roommate conflicts”.
You might ask your RD for ideas on how to word your decision to move. Perhaps have it be “allergies”, “asthma due to the dorm conditions” or some other neutral reason. You don’t want to upset him and trigger anything negative for either you or him.