<p>Firstly, she's three years older than I am (she's 21). This is my biggest problem, because if she brings alcohol into the room, couldn't I be charged with possession?</p>
<p>Aside from that- she's super outgoing and... well... wild. I'm fairly shy and conservative. She likes to party and I've never been to one other than birthday parties and family holiday events.</p>
<p>My parents are concerned about the fact that she's a different race, but I think that will be good for the both of us.</p>
<p>The only thing we have in common is our first names and a few favorite movies and bands. Our personalities are totally different, so I'm afraid that the next year could be challenging. I have a few other friends on my floor, but I would still like to be friends with my roommate. What can I do to encourage this?</p>
<p>P.S. I added her on Facebook and she accepted, but she won't reply to my messages. Could we already be starting out on the wrong foot?</p>
<p>You could always get a roommate change before the year starts (or at least you can at my school). Nothing wrong with changing roommates if you don’t think it’ll work out… It wouldn’t hurt to write her a polite message explaining that it would be difficult since she was older, etc. Don’t mention the race thing though, that’s asinine.</p>
<p>“Firstly, she’s three years older than I am (she’s 21). This is my biggest problem, because if she brings alcohol into the room, couldn’t I be charged with possession?”</p>
<p>very, very interesting question…since this was probably done by a computer generated roommate program, you may want to call campus police and ask them…I believe you are right…</p>
<p>Generally if she’s 21 and you aren’t, she’s not allowed to bring alcohol in the room. It’s as if she was under 21 in that way. You’d have the same exact problem if you had a roommate your same age who enjoyed drinking, just so you know. She would get in trouble for having the alcohol same as you would, especially since most alcohol possession cases don’t go to the police, they stay within the dorm/school.</p>
<p>Check your rules though, some schools have provisions for roommates with an age difference concerning alcohol. It may be that she has to keep it on her side of the room, keep it locked up, etc.</p>
<p>I am just finishing a year with a roommate who didn’t have a whole lot in common with me. It wasn’t horrible, we just respected each other and talked about the few things we did have in common, like school. I didn’t really do anything with him though. We just kinda went about our lives. In fact, I go to a college where I don’t really have much in common with anybody here, so I know how you feel. </p>
<p>If you really want to have a roommate that you can be good friends with, then you might want to think about switching. Also, if your roommate really starts being obnoxious and you can’t stand it, I’d consider switching. Otherwise, just get through the year.</p>
<p>A lot of times dorms have a no alcohol rule. Doesn’t matter how old you are–no booze allowed in the building. Call and ask them about the rules.</p>
<p>I know as long as the alcohol is with her stuff, in her fridge or under her bed, it is in her possession not yours. This is how it works at my school at least. My roommate just turned 21, but I am still only 20. This happens a lot at colleges.</p>
<p>I checked my school’s housing handbook and she is allowed to have alcohol in the room. It just can’t be opened or consumed while I’m in the room. Also, they “consider age differences” when making roommate assignments, so I don’t think I’ll have much luck in asking the housing department for a different roommate. </p>
<p>“I lived in a dorm where we would regularly drink with the RAs.”</p>
<p>Unless everyone is of age, that’s pretty dumb on the RA’s part. If anybody involved is underage, that RA would be IMMEDIATELY fired at my school if the school found out about it (and many have been). </p>
<p>Now to the OP: Being radically different than your roommate might not end up being as bad as you think. When I came to college my freshman year, I was horrified because I was nothing like my roommate. She loved sports, pop music, High School Musical, Sex and the City, and was a SUPER girly girl all around. To put it lightly, I’m pretty polar opposite. She loved to party, I never drank. In the end, had very compatible personalities despite having totally disparate interests and preferences. She eventually became a RA and I transferred schools, but we message once in a while and I still think very fondly of her. </p>
<p>On the other hand, this year I was pretty excited by my roommate assignment because we seemed to have a lot in common. We both liked the same music and were into a lot of the same things. I could not STAND her. She was super negative and crazy and all around impossible to be around. </p>
<p>The moral of the story is: don’t judge someone by Facebook. Someone you think might be an awful match could be really cool and someone who looks like a great match could be awful.</p>
<p>you sound like you might be an annoying roommate. Why are you generalising so much about her when you haven’t even met her yet? Information sheets only barely scratch the surface of what you can know about someone.
…Charged with possession? haha. Do you think she’s going to bring a can of beer into the room, hide it under your pillow while you’re not looking, and then call the campus police on you? Can you get charged with possession because your parents brought alcohol into your home while you were in it?
Don’t start worrying until you actually meet her, please. You don’t have to be a mirror of someone else in order to be friends with them. And about the age/personality thing… my roommate is nearly 3 years older and complete opposite personality as me and I’m fine. If anything, you should be glad your roommate is outgoing. You might turn out a bit less shy at the end of the year. And also, shy people don’t mesh too well with other shy people. You already think it’s good that you two are not the same race, so what’s the problem? You say you both can and can’t tolerate trivial differences…?
Anyways, you never know… you might just find more common ground than you would think after spending some time with her, if that’s what you really need in order to “survive.” Whatever you do, I wouldn’t recommend changing roommates before you actually get to know her. That’s sounds pretty rude to her as well. Try to be less of a worrywart and I hope things work out.</p>
<p>The race thing is pretty out there. Don’t worry about it.
As for you two being totally different…that’s part of college! My roommate is almost totally opposite from me- she’s a country type girl who listens to reggae, spends all her time at the beach, hangs out with almost all guys, etc while I listen to a big variety of music, rarely go to the beach, and only have a few guy friends. Of course those are only a few differences, but I think it gets my point across. Anyway, she turned out to be a really fantastic person. We have things in common like frozen yogurt, annoying neighbors, and inside jokes, things we didn’t know we would share when we first met.<br>
You can always get a room transfer after the first semester, but it’s a lifechanging experience to share a room with someone totally different from you.
Just try it. You probably won’t regret it.</p>
<p>You sound pretty narrow-minded, and your parents sound completely ignorant.
Worried because she’s a different race? Seriously?!!? This is the 21st ****ing century. Have you never ever been in contact with someone of the opposite race?</p>
<p>Perhaps the OP’s parents are from a rural, conservative area, and don’t know what to expect and are a little concerned.</p>
<p>Some 20+ years ago, prior to the age of Facebook, I was a sophomore paired with a white freshman who was from a rural area of the state and had never met Asian-Americans before. We tried to get along, but were not very compatible. By the end of the semester she had moved out.</p>
<p>I’m from a very conservative small town in Texas and my parents (grandparents, actually… I live with them) both grew up during the era of segregation, so they still have some racial prejudices.</p>
<p>Not only is my roommate underage, but she also leaves her alcohol lying around in plain sight. I’m not advocating her behavior, but either of us are yet to get into trouble for possession. Listen, I am not friends with my roommate AT ALL but I’ve somehow managed to make it through this year. Your fears seemed to be based upon preconceived notions and ideas that may prove irrelevant or false once you actually move in. Who knows, you could turn out to be good friends. At the very least, I am living proof that having a less-than-stellar roommate does not automatically mean you will have a horrible freshman year. Give her a chance. If it doesn’t work out and you really are miserable, you can more likely than not get a roommate switch.</p>
<p>You survive it by going into it with an attitude of ‘Differences are what’s going to make this interesting and worthwhile’. I had a roommate like you last semester - we were complete opposites, but I went into the semester with a good attitude. Even though she was my polar opposite I thought it was cool that I was getting to live with someone completely different from me - it was an educational experience. She, on the other hand, had a horrible attitude like yours and thought that because I was not the exact same as her, I was worthy of her hatred. She was vindictive and petty and ultimately a terrible person to live with. I remained polite and respectful of our differences, because I saw her choices as valid, but she saw everything I did as alien and freakish. Needless to say, I asked for a roommate change after the semester ended. Everyone who met her thought she was immature and rude. Try to have more of an open mind instead of being like my roommate.</p>