My 20 year old son lives in Missouri in an apartment and one roomate was randomly assigned. He is 23 (supposedly going to graduate in 39 days). The other 3 roommates have had problems with him all year - stealing food, acting erratically, constantly smoking in his bedroom (in a non-smoking apt) and being aggressive and threatening (kind of). They complained to management about him from the beginning. They were given new doorknobs with locks for their rooms.They installed a security camera in the apt which recorded a conversation about guns where he said he could buy and gun and shoot everyone. Is this a threat? He said he could, not that he was going to. Office had security come speak to him and he was better for most of this semester. Until yesterday when he showed up with a new shot gun. He went into his room, closed the door and played with it. Cocking it over and over. The roommates told him they were not comfortable. He said he did not have ammunition and that he would bring it to a friend’s house. They do not know if that happened or not. Office staff has not even returned my call! Police said he is within his legal rights to have it unless he threatens them. The lease says no waterbeds or fireworks but does not say no firearms. Are you kidding me? In this day! This is the big apartment management company at the University. From what I read online, an apartment complex can decide not to allow guns but I guess they are more concerned about waterbeds. I’ve suggested my son move (somewhere) for a month, but that will be hard on him to pack up and he won’t have his desk etc that he is used to. I don’t want to make things harder for him before finals but how do we know if this kid is about to crack? Any advice?
There likely isn’t anything that your son can do except move out.
I would move my kid to an Airbnb for a month.
My kids used to study at a library with their laptop. Not sure how a desk could be so special.
His apartment mate doesn’t sound very stable to me. I am a bit surprised the management agent won’t step up to do something.
If you still have the recording, I would remind the landlord that you still have it and ask the landlord to relocate the gun owner to a single apartment or you will contact the media about your concerns. “He could buy a gun and shoot everyone” - don’t let anyone tell you that this isn’t a concern.
Wouldn’t the repeated smoking violation be cause for eviction, and wouldn’t threats (gun or no gun) be crimes for the police to take care of?
I’m not a lawyer, so can’t give legal advice. But does the university have jurisdiction over this complex or the roommate situation? For example, was it the university that assigned the roommate, or does the complex sit on university property? If so, wondering if this qualifies as a Title IX hostile learning environment.
Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but I’m with @oldfort - I’d move him out for the 39 days.
I normally don’t have a problem with guns, but this guy sounds unbalanced. If possible I would suggest your son move out, better safe than sorry.
This sounds really terrible. Personally, I’d be down there tomorrow and have him moved before the weekend was out. Maybe it would be considered an overreaction but I’d rather do that than have him be part of the next tragedy leading the evening news.
I agree…find an another place for your kid to live to finish the semester.
But also the heat on his landlord.
Please take this seriously. Move your son out. Report your concerns to the authorities at the school and the rental management company, as well as to the other parents if you possibly can.
Young men and guns are often lethal. We all know that this young man could go off at any time. Whether he shoots himself or someone else, you don’t want your child anywhere around.
Have your son move. Now. Today.
I agree with the others, get your son out of there ASAP. I can’t believe this is allowed!
I agree, get him out tomorrow if you haven’t already. Some discomfort without his things is better than the worst case. Plus the stress of being there can’t be helping his focus to study.
One of my college roommates was diagnosed bipolar. She became very erratic, stole food, hid out in her room, etc. Her parents came and packed her up and then she was diagnosed. We were not in danger and not suggesting bipolar means danger to others, but there are lots of possible causes of his behavior that need to be checked out by someone.
Do you know how to find the parents of the student? Contact them if you can and your son should try the counseling office at the college. Keep pushing the school. Someone needs to intervene or at least talk to this kid.
I would say this kid is giving signs. Lots of mental illnesses show up in college and the upcoming graduation could be triggering lots of stress. He needs help and your son and other roommates need to be in a safe space.
Thank you for your support! I did call University police but it is off campus so they said not their jurisdiction. I sent the video to the apt management last night and I demanded they find another apartment for my son. I was very surprised that they did not respond at all. Interesting idea to threaten to go to the media. I thought the smoking violation could get him kicked out, but spoke to the office in December and all they did was charge him $25. I want to call the boy’s parents but my son is afraid of setting him off and he does not think the parents will do anything (he is 23 and they just seem to give him whatever he wants). I will be pushing landlord further tomorrow! Thanks for listening
How about the other roommates? Do they want to move? Do they have parents who will push landlord to find them another apartment? If not, I’d get my son and perhaps a roommate into a different place.
" Interesting idea to threaten to go to the media. I thought the smoking violation could get him kicked out, but spoke to the office in December and all they did was charge him $25. I want to call the boy’s parents but my son is afraid of setting him off and he does not think the parents will do anything "
If your son thinks calling the parents could set this guy off, wouldn’t contacting the media also have the same effect?
This doesn’t sound like a situation where time should be wasted nor worrying about the expense or hassle should factor in. I’d have my child out of there in a heartbeat. Pronto.
While the school has no jurisdiction over the apartment as it is off campus, are they willing to put your son up somewhere on campus for the remainder of the semester?
Wow, OP, sorry your son is caught in such a stressful and unhealthy situation. I’d err on the side of caution for my kid and move him out today or at the latest tomorrow. I’d try to get the housing office to reimburse me but my primary concern would be my son’s safety.
This is the kind of situation where I’d have my kid pack their bags first thing this morning, turn up at the university housing office for opening hours, play them the video on his phone, tell them this guy’s bought the gun now and is playing with it in his room, the police won’t do a thing, he’s not going back, his parents are thinking of informing this guy’s family and the media, he needs a place to stay for the next 39 days and he won’t move until the situation is resolved.
I have no idea whether that kind of thing would work but worth a shot, I think.
I have used it in the past to get people’s asses in gear in situations when I felt I was clearly in the right and that people could help me but institutional inertia was stopping them.
I never feared for my life, though!