Hi, so I currently am having a situation with my roommate. I attend a college in Vermont and am a first year student (my roommate is too). I recently found out that she has a stash of pot hidden in a water bottle that is in our room and has a thc vape pen. I personally don’t have any issues with what people do in their free time but the fact that the illegal substance is hidden in my room where it could come back on me is freaking me out. I don’t drink/smoke and don’t want to get in trouble for something like this. I need help figuring out what to do. I’ve asked a trusted friend who has seen the stash and she is advising me to talk to my roommate. The problem is my roommate just told me today that she is glad that I’m not the “goody two shoes” that she expected me to be because of my view points and I feel like I would ruin whatever friendship we may be having. I also don’t want to rip apart our friend group which consists of the two of us and two other people. A family member has advised me to tell the ra but I’m not sure if I should take that jump. As a side note, we live in a dorm that’s specifically for honors students so the reparations for getting caught are likely higher. Please help me figure out what to do. I really don’t want to burn a bridge but I also don’t want my college record to be tainted or to live in “fear” of getting caught.
I don’t know what the rules are regarding having pot in the dorms but in terms of the law, recreational pot is now legal in Vermont. Adults can each possess 1 ounce of marijuana, two mature and four immature plants. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/recreational-marijuana-now-legal-in-vermont-as-new-law-takes-effect/
Are roommates responsible for what other roommates store in the shared space? If not, MYOB. I would draw the line at any use of illegal substances in the room. Or, even if not illegal, against the rules of the school itself, which I image smoking is (but vaping?). Again, it all depends on whether you, as a roommate, are mutually responsible for all things in that shared space, which seems unfair but possible. If so, be honest with your roommate and tell them you dont’ want to know about any illegal substances in the room and will assume going forward that there is nothing in there. What they do at that point is their perogative.
Agree with above poster. It depends on whether or not you would be partially responsible if she got caught. If you wouldn’t be held responsible, then as far as anyone knows, you never saw it and had no idea.
If you want to tell the RA, you could try slipping them an anonymous note under their door telling them. If not anonymous, just let them know that it’s really important that they don’t tell your roommate that it was you who told. A good RA will maintain your anonymity, and there’s lots of other potential ways someone else could have found out and told the RA so your roommate won’t trace it back to you (another friend told, someone saw her with it, smelled it, etc).
First I am highly opposed to the use of marijuana other than for medical purposes. I tell my own children not to start that habit/recreation.
However, I had to laugh when I read your post. You are in Vermont. I honestly think nobody there, including law enforcement, cares about pot. Based on my own son’s college experience he reports that housing also doesn’t care about pot use or possession because it is quiet. He says they care about drinking because its not so quiet and unfortunately some can’t handle themselves and become destructive.
I do think you and your roommate are not a match. Get through the semester and make sure you are living with someone next year who won’t have a drug stash in the room. Hang in there. The semester will go fast.
Ask to switch rooms & get a new roommate.
I would let it go. How would you feel if your roommate had cigarettes or alcohol stored in the room, but she didn’t use them in the room? I would treat these the same way and let it go.
I don’t think that request would be granted, especially mid semester, without giving a good reason. So that doesn’t seem like a realistic suggestion. Does your school have any kind of honor code you have agreed to? At some schools you might be in violation of the honor code if you know about something that is against the rules and don’t speak up.
Honestly — I would probably ask your roommate to get rid of it or keep it somewhere outside the room, and don’t use it in the room. Maybe document the conversation (write down details after) and provide a copy to a 3rd party who can collaborate if trouble comes later in about it. Then I’d ignore it. And find a different roommate for the fall.
@intparent: Your suggestion in post #7 could get OP in trouble.
OP: Just ask for a change of room & a new roommate.
I think people are missing the part where the OP wants to maintain her friendship with this roommate. Asking for a room change is likely not going to happen, at least not without the OP having to narc her roommate out.
OP, I’d also just ask her to not store it in the room. Even though weed is legal in Vermont, it’s not legal for those under 21.
And may not be permitted on campus grounds & in dorm rooms.
OP if you were driving in a car which had a couple ounces of pot under one of the seats, what would you do ? (Everyone pulled over with contraband in a car immediately claims that it is not theirs & they were unaware of its presence,)
Recreational pot is now legal in Vermont for those over 21. Assuming the roommate is under 21, it is illegal to possess it. How would you feel if you found out an under 21 roommate had a bottle of vodka stashed under her bed? Which is also illegal for those under 21 to possess. The issues are similar ones.
If you are truly uncomfortable with either scenario, perhaps you might want to consider a roommate change knowing that the new person is substance free. Or maybe moving to substance-free housing is an option?
You can still be friendly with the current roommate. Frame it as “I’m not comfortable with illegal substances, so I’m going to try and live with someone who is liked minded.” It should be no biggie. She can room with someone who is illegal-stash-friendly. And you can still hang out. If she flips out over this from a friendship perspective, that’s on her.
Regarding the above options, you would have decide if you can wait it out until the end of the year or if you would like the put those changes into motion now.
Regardless of whether or not marijuana possession for personal use is legal under Vermont state law, the primary issue is whether your college or university receives any federal funds. If so, possession or use on that campus remains illegal under federal law.
There are several other issues with respect to age & college / university dorm rules as well.
Is it being stored on her side of the room? If so, just leave it alone. You can not be responsible for what your roommate does. As I tell my children, you can’t be their parent. If the item is being stored on your side, say you found it and would like her to keep that on her side in her belongings.
Knowledge alone may violate federal law & may violate the university’s dorm rules.
You shouldn’t be responsible for their actions. At the same time you don’t need to rat them out, as this will definitely ruin your relationship. Just be prepared to say you didn’t know about it if you’re asked. Things will most likely be fine.
Pot might be legal in Vermont but it’s not legal under federal rules. It can affect financial aid if something happens. You never know when some dumb thing can happen
One of mine went to school in Colorado. Yes, pot was and is legal there. But it’s not for federal financial aid purposes and the school made that very clear to the students.
I suggest the OP find out what the school rules are for pot and financial aid, and the possible consequences. It’s no small thing to be put into that kind of risk.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mynbc5.com/amp/article/vermont-colleges-and-universities-will-continue-to-not-allow-pot-on-campus/15897458
Whether this is still relevant or not, I do not know. But if I did not to risk losing current or future federal financial aid, I’d be concerned.
I’m guessing this was resolved long ago.
But just to continue the ideas:
- You don’t want to ruffle feathers because it could conceivably effect your frienship.
Funny, the roommate doesn’t seem to share the same concerns about your friendship.
She’s manipulating you, using the “goody two shoes” line to keep you doing what she wants you to do.
Reconsider the friendship and tell her to get that crap out of your room or else. And then take action. She’s gambling with your status at the school.
I think you should talk to her. If you’re scared she’ll dump you for that conversation, then she isn’t truly a good friend. I made a similar mistake of never calling out my roommate for anything until everything blew up and we actually had to switch. It’s much better to try talking it out first, and if she isn’t willing to hear it, then talk to an ra or something. It’s hard putting a friend group at risk – I lost mine too when the situation with me and my roommate blew up. But just trust that if they decide to dump you for simply trying to protect your own very expensive education, then they aren’t very good friends. And trust that you may be able to find better friends that genuinely care about you and your future.
Be careful and good luck 