Roommate problem

Parents Forum
1

Hi,
My roommate chooses to keep room light on late at night when I am trying to sleep. I sleep around 1 and he sleeps by 3. I have tried using an eyemask. I have even bought him a better light. However he does not want to use desk lamp when I sleep. He says it causes shadows. I am getting sleep deprived. He is a good friend since high school. I want this to work out somehow. What do I Do?

2

Putting on the overhead light is not OK. He has to get a good desklamp with no shadows or work elsewhere (ex. in a common room) after a certain hour. It seems like something you can talk out and agree upon if you are good friends. If necessary ask the RA to help you work through it.

3

Ditto the above.

4

If necessary get a doctor’s note. Studies have shown that even if you do fall asleep with a light on, you are not getting a good sleep. This is a health issue. If your friend continues, this is not a good friend, frankly.

5

Thanks for all the replies. Planning to talk to him today. Hopefully will work out a solution.

6

Hi,
My room mate not ready to make compromise. My parents are worried and say that they will talk to his parents.I want this to workout without getting others invovled.

7

@A103, please tell your parents not to get involved! You’re not in elementary school anymore. Please talk to an RA - they are trained to deal with situations like this.

8

Should I ask him to come or just go by myself to talk to RA? Since it is really my problem only.

9

I would go by yourself to talk to the RA to see what he or she recommends.

10

It is not your problem only. Your roommate has a problem in terms of not being able to compromise. You now have a health problem. I would look into changing roommates or getting a single. You need sleep.

11

Does your dorm have a common room? If so, he can work there with the overhead light on. It is not okay for him to keep you up until 3am. Frankly, shadows are a minor irritant. Not getting sleep is a health issue.

12

Time to get the RA involved. I would go to the RA on your own and ask for help mediating the issue. It is not only your problem as you need to work out a mutually agreeable solution together.

And who cares if your roommate talks to his parents? If his parents approach your parents I’d ask your parents to say something like “I think they have to work it out themselves.” and leave it at that.

13

It’s time to go to the RA. You already tried to handle the issue with your roommate to no avail. Your RA will help you mitigate the situation, find another roommate (if someone else is having issues), or find a single.

14

How to solve roommate problems:

  1. Think about the reasonableness of your request. Not having the light on until 3:00am is reasonable. Not being able to turn on the light on all day because your roommate never gets out of bed isn’t.

  2. Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. You have tried eye masks.

  3. Discuss issue with Roommate. Check

  4. See if roommate is compromising at all…No, he won’t use Desk Lamp.

5)Think about what you want to the end result to be…that works for both of you. For example: Overhead Lights out at 1:00, and after that, he goes elsewhere or uses desk lamp.

  1. Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps (like eyemasks) and ask for help in resolving the situation. “RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. .”

Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.

  1. Follow the contract…and if your roommate doesn’t, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.

  2. If RA doesn’t follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the “chain of command”…that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from sleeping.

  3. The only time I would bring in my parents is to bounce ideas off of or if #7 doesn’t work. It is better to talk to the RA rather than getting parents involved. This is literally the RA’s job; that is why they have them.

15

You might consider a privacypop for your bed (privacypop.com) if you really like you roommate but want it dark when you sleep.

16

1AM is already plenty of study time in the room at night. If they don’t like it they can go study somewhere else.

17

I’m currently having this same issue with my roommate. I will go to go to sleep at like 1 or 2 am and ask her nicely to turn out the lights where she tells me no. She will not use her desk lamp or go to the lounge to study. I had a test early in the morning which I told her and her response “you can sleep with the light on”, but she never gets up until late in the morning or afternoon, where as I have earlier classes.

18

@charlestongirl, if your roommate is being unreasonable (and she is), go to your RA. That’s what they are trained for.

19

See what I said above…get an eye mask, talk to her, then go see the RA.

20

@charlestongirl At this point the semester is over soon and hopefully you have a different roommate next year but you certainly should talk to the RA and see if you can get more reasonable arrangements especially with finals coming up. If you don’t have a sleep mask yet I’d think about getting one ($6 - $7 on Amazon). I also hope you feel free to turn all the lights on when you get ready in the morning!