The OP said that he/she has already spoke to the roommate and nothing changed. It is time to go to the RA that covers that floor or go directly to ResLife and insist on a room change. Sleeping in the library is not the answer.
On one hand that’s quite a terrible and unacceptable situation. On the other the costs of antagonizing this roommate are high as well. I would wager if the term drugs is thrown around to the RAs, the police will be there. If the police do show up the and find drugs, drug user may try to pin it on OP and end up with a she-said-she-said situation. Both risk trouble. Regardless, OP may potentially be subpoenaed and have to testify in court. Not only an annoying ordeal, but risks retribution in the form of slashed tires, brick through a window, etc. Potentially near or further down the line when the drug addict leaves custody. Not a fun thing to live with anticipating.
Best solution: beg and grovel the Housing Director or analogous administrator to move. Any unrelated excuse, heck, could even say a boy came between you two.
Diplomacy with the drug addict is also an option. Maybe work out some sort of deal where the addict keeps the drugs confined to her car or something.
“Please do not wait. Have your stuff moved out today.”
Absolutely right. One way of another, get out of this room NOW, before you end up in prison or expelled for your roommates drugs.
Please go and tell an RA or someone in charge. When I was in college way back when security busted a party in my room that my roommate was hosting. I was IN THE LIBRARY at the time but got expelled for a year anyway. My parents ended up getting a lawyer after an appeal etc. I did get back in but boy what a fiasco. Got a new roommate too! Please let someone know!
Another parent here who says START PACKING! Let your parents know what is happening, preferably in black and white as well as by phone. Contact your housing department in black and white and in person. Demand new housing/roommate. Everything you do from this point forward should leave a paper trail. Being concerned about another person who lacks any concern about you, your safety, your education, your well-being is nuts. You will run into these people your whole life, they are “takers”, they don’t care anything about you. Do what is best for you.
Less likely for OP to get in trouble if she deals with it and let’s some adults (parents, RA, housing director) get involved. Ignoring it or trying to fix it yourself could have worse consequences. Yes, roommate could say that OP was involved but most people can tell when someone is being retaliatory. OP could volunteer for drug testing to show she wasn’t involved. If a new semester is starting with this roommate OP needs to deal with the situation now.
Tell the truth. Don’t start your college/young adult life lying. Straight up facts are enough. Stand up for yourself and get the heck out of that room.
Get out NOW. Don’t sleep there another night. You are right that you could get swept up in this (even if found innocent, the investigation would be stressful). Get your stuff out of there, take what is needed without being obvious. Then call the campus - or town - police when they are doing drugs, so they are caught in the act. Make sure the complaint is strong, and enough to get her kicked out of school, so she and friends will not harass you or retaliate after.
Keep in mind your stuff could smell like drugs - I’d wash your clothes once out of there too.
Agree, go to Dean of Students right after you call police. You DID try to get out of the room before and they didn’t take you seriously, and this is a police matter.
Note the campus police are part of the university and could be part of a coverup while the local police may take it more seriously. Decide which is appropriate and which will get results which for your safety, probably includes getting them kicked out of school. If not, I’d consider transferring unless you love the school.
I had to put up with a similar problem with that stuff in our suite a long time ago and it made me miserable. I sometimes wish I’d gone to speak to someone about it. I agree with the other advice to go to Housing, go to someone in the administration and let them know the extent of the problem so that there is no question that you need to get out. Don’t soft pedal it - you don’t want those people as friends any way so why worry about making them mad.
If your roommate was willing to throw you under the bus by claiming her desk was yours when alcohol was found in it, she clearly gives zero f’s about you. Why are YOU worried about getting HER or HER FRIENDS in trouble for engaging in illegal activity that drives you from the room for which you are paying 1/2? These people exist because people like you (and, let’s face, A LOT of people) want to avoid confrontation and just live with it. She knows this about you and is exploiting the crap out of it. No negative consequences = continued poor behavior.
Get moving on getting yourself away from this person. If no R/A, then Housing Director. If no satisfaction, go up from there. Be calm, state your case and your desired outcome.
^ Somehow, I missed that in the original post. If they’re really that kind of crappy person then yea go ahead and snitch on them. Because it sounds like they’d rat you out even if it was their drugs found.
My original comment was mostly addressed to your feelings of remorse, but if they’ve shown their poor character, then they aren’t worth helping out. Can’t help a person who doesn’t want to help themsevles.
You know what irritates me about this? Why is it OP’s responsibility to pack up all of her stuff and move. Why does the person who actually wants to study at college have to be the inconvenienced one, when the people committing felonies (not just breaking school rules, but breaking serious laws) not even be inconvenienced?
Any update on this story?
@smileystubbs
@cumulus My daughter had the exact same problem at her school owned apartment and felt how you described…why should she have to move especially since my daughter was a junior and her drug dealing/using roommate was a freshman. My daughter saw this issue as black & white, and refused to be intimidated by her roommate and the roommate’s friends/customers. My daughter told the roommate that she would call the police each and every time drug stuff was going down. And she did (very smart as it created a paper trail). My daughter also notified her RA and housing manager each and every time in writing. At the same time, I wrote emails to the housing director, cc’ing the the campus chief of police, the vp of student affairs, and the university President. To make a long story short, the university moved the girl out of the apt. We just found out last week that the city police have placed out a warrant for the girl’s arrest. I guess the dealing/using caught up with her.
I will say this to anyone reading this and to the OP. We raised our kids not to back down to anyone or allow anyone to intimidate them. We were nervous about my daughter’s safety, but also knew that my husband (military) taught her to protect herself before she left for college. We are also “those” parents that will drop everything and be down at that school quickly. I think her roommate knew this and chose not to physically harm my daughter although she certainly threatened to do so. If you are uncomfortable with conflict and have not been taught to defend yourself…my daughter’s methods might not be for you. Instead, you may anonymously contact police, meet with the RA & housing director in private, and document everything. This will take longer and you put yourself at great risk in the meantime.
Do not allow anything like this to continue. An incident took place in D’s college last week.
A student took a drug and then jumped out his window from the 5th floor. He passed away.
Don’t expect the problem to solve on it’s own. Be proactive in getting help and reporting the issue immediately.
@cumulus I amend what I said previously and am on board with you. It’s always the victim that has to move rooms/schools/etc. Unfortunately, OP will probably have to be consistent and persistent as @4MyKidz D and family was in order to get the offender to move if the school doesn’t want to get in the middle of it.
I would move and get away from this situation ASAP. My friend in college had a roomate with a gun…he asked to quietly move but they wouldn’t let him and in fact accused him (and his mother) of being racist, which couldn’t have been further from the truth (he had friends of all races/ethnicities from our diverse high school). He had been threatened by the roomate not to tell that he had a gun (the mom didn’t say anything). The school then put him with another roomate of same race, and that one had parties in room every night and associated with the same characters as the first guy. My friend then moved out to live with friends that took him in as he could not sleep and felt unsafe. Oh and those characters - they dropped out after one year of college. My friend has a PhD now.
I had a roomate that was mentally ill, homesick, and suicidal. She stole from me and did other crazy things. I reported her several times to the RA and requested that she be moved. I reported to the police when she stole my bike and hid it. The dorm staff would not move her. My friends down the hall took me in, and another girl moved in with her (by choice). That girl later confided in me that she had serious issues, and also stole from her.
That was long ago - but it made me realize that they never move the one with the issues. I’m not sure why, especially when it is proven (like my police report re bike). I think colleges need to investigate better when there is a concern. Even a roomate having parties every day in a room is disruptive to the mission of studying at college. I hope things have improved at that university since then.
OP hasn’t been on since July…
I think the discussion is good as this stuff happens to some kids. And, OP may get back on…