Ruthlessness is required...

<p>...when you grade my essay. Be vicious, be mean, be relentless...but not too much ;)</p>

<p>Prompt:
*We most resent in others the very flaws that we ourselves possess<a href="from%20the%20Barron's%20book">/I</a></p>

<p>The quote "we most resent in others the very flaws that we ourselves possess" deals with one main issue regarding the human idiosyncrasy- its confrontational nature. The statement arbitrarily assumes that what we despise about ourselves we project onto other people, who constitute a reflection of what we hate. By doing so, we disregard our own flaws and castigate others without realizing that the disparities between their situation and ours are not that great.</p>

<p>The core of the statement is the axiom that there is something inherently corrupt and hypocritical about the human nature, something that forces us to shy away from delegation and self-confrontation. Just like Dorian Grey in Oscar Wilde's renowned novel, other people are the portrait in which our vanity and flaws are reflected. But what we have to question at this point is the maker of the portrait. Who is Bazil Hallward and is the portrait that he has created another Pandora's box, or is it a means of self-evaluation? Understandably, the people around us are a mirror of our own personality, of the unique traits that only we possess. But the mirror is self-created. We are the Bazil of our own portrait, because we project our own qualities upon the others. </p>

<p>In Mariama Ba's novel So long a letter, Ramatoulaye, the protagonist, is a tormented woman due to her polygamous marriage. In spite of her efforts to break free of the marital bonds that hamper her progression, she remains stagnant and inert, as she has no impetus to compel her to do so. When her friend Aissatou though enters a similar situation, Ramatoulaye is forced to confront with her own situation as she cannot bear the sight of her friend's torment, a torment that she herself is vehemently experiencing but could not recognize in the past because she did not possess a mirror. That mirror came later in the face of Aissatou and contributed to Ramatoulaye's emancipation. </p>

<p>Just like Ramatoulaye, I was forced to confront my own situation of denial when my grandfather died eight years ago. I reacted calmly at the sight of my dead grandfather after a heart surgery/debacle. After a while though I entered a period of depression, not wanting to eat anything that resulted in my suffering from significant nourishment issues. I was terrified and dumbfounded, I was scarred by the horrendous event since I was only nine years old. But it was my mother's devastation that shook me out of my shell of agony and forced me to 'grow up'. Seeing that my mother was going down the same path I went, I had an epiphany, a brief moment of cognizance that helped me stand on my own feet and deal with it.</p>

<p>We see in other people our flaws, but we do not hate them for that as the initial quote suggests. Their flaws can be the means to our own realization and the portrait of our own soul. The painter of this portrait however is no other than ourselves. We are the ones who project ourselves upon others, a method that helps us move on and become cognizant of the tragicomedy of our own situation, the lurking detriments that undermine us and the corruption that we are undergoing. The mirror is always there. All we have to do is make sure we can see our reflection clearly in it.</p>

<p>Too many useless adjectives</p>

<p>"The corruption that we are undergoing?" Trash.</p>

<p>"We see in other people our flaws?" Try "We see our flaws in other people."</p>

<p>I'll edit this as I come up with more.</p>

<p>I guess my time limit expired, so here's what I came up with so far:</p>

<p>" After a while though I entered a period of depression, not wanting to eat anything that resulted in my suffering from significant nourishment issues." - Wowo. Clean this up, dude. </p>

<p>"in spite of her efforts to break free of the marital bonds that hamper her progression, she remains stagnant and inert, as she has no impetus to compel her to do so." really reads "she has no impetus to compel her to remain stagnant and inert." The whole thing is awkwardly structured and pretentiously phrased.</p>

<p>"When her friend Aissatou though enters a similar situation"</p>

<p>What's up with the "though?" You did it here, too: "After a while though I entered a period of depression." Don't do that.</p>

<p>"The quote "we most resent in others the very flaws that we ourselves possess" deals with one main issue regarding the human idiosyncrasy- its confrontational nature. "</p>

<p>Should be a full colon between "idiosyncracy" and "its."</p>

<p>There is no defining human idiosyncrasy.</p>

<p>Whose confrontational nature? "The human idiosyncracy's," or the main issue's?</p>

<p>"Ramatoulaye is forced to confront with her own situation"</p>

<p>You don't confront "with" something; you just confront it. </p>

<p>"as she cannot bear the sight of her friend's torment, a torment that she herself is vehemently experiencing but could not recognize in the past because she did not possess a mirror. "</p>

<p>What a trainwreck -- I'm not sure where to start.</p>

<p>"After a while though I entered a period of depression, not wanting to eat anything that resulted in my suffering from significant nourishment issues." - </p>

<p>Try something like:</p>

<p>"My grandfather's death left me dumbfounded; even after attending his wake, I couldn't fully comprehend that I would never see him again. I was detached, impartial, and unbelieving - unmoved at even the sight of his lifeless body, unwilling to accept that the clammy Thing in front of me had once been my grandfather. </p>

<p>Then, all at once, it hit me -- an emotional sucker-punch, straight to the gut. I never ate, slept, or ventured outside; at nine, I was already suffering from depression."</p>

<p>I mean, just off the top of my head. You could obviously improve it with some revision time.</p>

<p>So I should try to clear up my structure and avoid repetition, right?
Thanks a lot :)
I appreciate the advice tremendously juxtaposn, especially since u did great on the writing section..could u tell me a little bit more, and perhaps explain what I should steer clear of? Many times i write too much (in quantity) and too little (in quality). I can pull of the SAT words part, but I get stuck at everything else. Can u suggest anything else? Something that helped you with your essay or something that I should pay particular attention at?</p>

<p>Wow, juxtaposn you come off as a huge tool. Who tells someone asking for help that their paper is a trainwreck. Although your comments are valid, and your examples are great; there is a difference between being ruthless and being an ass.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Wow, juxtaposn you come off as a huge tool. Who tells someone asking for help that their paper is a trainwreck. Although your comments are valid, and your examples are great; there is a difference between being ruthless and being an ass.

[/quote]
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<p>...</p>

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<p>Nice semicolon. (o, wait, j/k)</p>

<p>OP: I'll hit you up with some more revisions later today or tomorrow.</p>

<p>like I said earlier, ruthlessness =/= being an *******. </p>

<p>PS:
And; I; am; glad; you; liked; my; semicolon; aswell (o, wait, jk....ahahah, see what I did there. I tried being sarcastic, but then added a puesdo-jk, so I don't come off as a complete ass...see how clever I am?)</p>

<p>Cool post, dude.</p>

<p>My tip: big words do not equal big scores on essays. Keep it simple where possible, and use a few strong, key words to emphasize your point.</p>

<p>I see juxtaposn and others have cleared up the grammatical errors, I think we should try to give the OP some more .. substantive feedback.
In the parapraph dealing with the personal example, you mentioned how your mother caused an "epiphany"- this paragraph could be tremendously powerful if you SHOWED how you came to this moment of revelation, instead of just saying "oh and this revelation occurred"
i liked your examples though, debate-addict, and if this is an essay for the SAT writing section, i would see it graded as anywhere between 8~10 :)</p>