<p>My daughter has put Sarah Lawrence at the top of her list of college choices because of its location and strong writing program. She will most likely gain admission. At an event two weeks ago, an educator cautioned me against this school. The educator's concerns were that drug use is more tolerated at Sarah Lawrence than similar schools and that this school would not be a good choice for a girl whose professed sexual orientation is heterosexual due to sexual aggression by lesbian students toward straight girls and a paucity of straight male students. My contact told me that the school has a history of turning a blind eye to unwanted' same-sex aggression. I should note here that I am not homophobic. I would be equally upset if my daughter were interested in attending a predominantly heterosexual school where opposite-sex aggression was tolerated. I have gay family members and friends but for the most part they live in California and, in response to my queries, they've told me that they know nothing about the school. I queried two childless lesbian couples in the New York City area and they told me that they know little about Sarah Lawrence. I have always found this educator to be credible and not given to prejudice of any kind. Are my concerns about violence and drugs at Sarah Lawrence completely misplaced?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have hesitated to send my daughter to SLU over those concerns. I would dig deeper and see how much any such incidences occur, if at all. I don’t not think individual incidences at colleges create culture at college and there are any number of scare tactic stories over various other things at other colleges and I don’t give it any credibility. You wouldn’t believe the untrue things I have heard about my daughter’s college that are just not so. Look at how you escalated it yourself in you post, all of a sudden it is ‘violence’, and you really think a college administration is tolerant of that? I really think that big, scary lesbian stories anywhere are just beneath dignifying and make me sick. Anyone worrying about that in the face of the rape rate in college really lacks perspective. I think any number of colleges have a small drug subculture. I don’t think peer pressure for drugs is prevalent like it is for alcohol at the big frat party colleges. It is pretty easy to just not participate. I hope your daughter can visit SLU and gauge for herself if she is comfortable. </p>
<p>You can read students’ thoughts on their colleges at various websites online. I can’t recall the names right now but I found at least 2 last year. Of course you take everything with a grain of salt, and one disgruntled student can rant for pages about something insignificant. I did find, though, that reading through a lot of reviews often revealed a common thread about the school. I further found that the general vibe that these reviews suggested often matched my D’s impressions after visiting the schools, so I do think they can have some value.</p>
<p>I don’t know about the bullying issue, but I do recall making note that SLC was one of the druggier schools my D had on her initial list. And cigarettes, too.</p>
<p>Of course kids usually find their own tribe so if that’s not your daughter it’s not likely she’d be pressured into anything. Just that there might be more opportunities around if she is so tempted. And I totally understand your concern as a parent!</p>
<p>SL is definitely edgy. If your D is very sure it is one of her top choices, make sure she goes to accepted student days and stays for the whole time (overnight, etc). She will probably know if they are “her tribe” after that.</p>
<p>Nephew attended SLC; he and his friends seem just like ordinary kids. They have all gone on to great jobs/grad programs. A college advisor told us that if our son was a bro who liked to play touch football on the quad, SLC probably wasn’t the best place for him, but I’ve never heard anything about aggressive lesbians (although this charge seems to follow all former girls schools).</p>
<p>My child is a current sophomore at SLC. It is a gay friendly and supportive place and gay students have a certain prominence in defining campus culture - though they are far from the only element of that campus culture - and I can say with certainty that the language of “sexual aggression” is not only misplaced but absurd. Sounds like the “educator” you are dealing with is trading in facile stereotypes. Yes, there are drugs around, just as there are drugs at just about every college and university in the US. Your D will have to learn how to step away from such activities, wherever she goes. SLC is quirky and nontraditional (it’s rather funny to see the recent effort to develop inter-collegiate athletics at a place that is better known for its bohemian poetry…). Its curriculum is unusually flexible and open. It can be a great place for a student who can take charge of his own education and create a challenging and meaningful program, especially in fields like literature, theater, psychology, film and writing of all sorts. My child’s experience there has been excellent. </p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. Most of what was shared was helpful. Unfortunately, BrownParent, the “big, scary lesbian stories” were shared by a person I find credible. Sorry you were made sick by my concern for my daughter’s safety.</p>
<p>I find it interesting that this question was not asked at the SL forum. Might it be worth asking the parents and students who are specifically interested in SL?</p>
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<p>Generally people don’t try to impose their sexuality on others who aren’t of the same persuasion, whether at SLC or other colleges. Now, I am sure that there is a significant gay-friendly culture at SLU – your D will definitely meet gay people, and may even be asked out (or have a pass made) by someone who is gay. But I doubt that SLC gays are any different from those in other places – they don’t want to bug someone who isn’t interested in their own gender once they know that is the case. So if being asked out by another girl would freak your D out… maybe not the place for her. If she is confident in her own ability to politely handle that situation, then I would not worry.</p>
<p>OP’s post sounds awfully ■■■■■-y. “Sexual aggression by lesbian students”?? “Violence”??? I think that may have been a Russ Meyer flick–“When Lesbians Attack!” A dearth of straight men, you bet. The rest? Hogwash. </p>
<p>I’m new here. How do I find the SLC forum or parents? My daughter who is currently college-bound has attended an elite private school that is renowned for not only its academic rigor but its emphasis on the arts. It encourages its students to take significant charge of their own educations. Each graduating class has about 80 kids and she has enjoyed the individual tutorials in the fine arts that the school makes available to students it regards as particularly gifted. Her school has a “zero tolerance policy” of verbal, physical, sexual or social intimidation. When my daughter was in lower school, a teacher overheard a boy make a derisive comment about my child’s Japanese heritage and I was contacted. My daughter’s grades and test scores, extracurricular arts-related activities and community service activity would most likely secure her a place in one of the Ivy League schools but my very shy daughter has stated that she wants to attend a small school that is close to her home. I feel that Vassar would be a better choice than SLC even though the latter’s curriculum more closely replicates that of the school she is attending and where she has flourished academically. I should note that my pretty daughter has already suffered heterosexual aggression by men outside of her school who do not know her personally and this fuels my wish that she find a school where the administration is aware that such things happen and actively addresses them. She would like to find a small, progressive liberal arts college in the East. Her college counselor feels that Vassar would be a good match for my daughter but she is currently quite taken with Sarah Lawrence. I am not a ■■■■■. I was simply hoping for help from other parents. I would be happy to offer help in return.</p>
<p>DS1 had his heart set on a LAC that we were warned away from based on drug use, sexual promiscuity and general weirdness. He logically presented his reasons why he wanted to attend. He received a significant scholarship that made it a very attractive option for us. But we couldn’t see how he would fit in. We relented, with a great deal of trepidation, but only after visiting and applying to a few other schools.</p>
<p>Nearly two years later, DS1 has thrived in ways we never could have imagined. What worked for him largely mirrored his reasons for wanting to attend in the first place.</p>
<p>That said, I would encourage her to apply to a few more schools. Vassar isn’t at all like SLC. Maybe look at Bard or Hampshire, which should help her better evaluate the campus vibe at SLC. </p>
<p>OP, look to the column on the left. Click “colleges and universities.” Click on “S” for Saint Lawrence. Click on SL.</p>
<p>I don’t know much about Sarah Lawrence, but I have heard some variation of this</p>
<p>The educator’s concerns were that drug use is more tolerated at Sarah Lawrence than similar schools and that this school would not be a good choice for a girl whose professed sexual orientation is heterosexual due to sexual aggression by lesbian students toward straight girls and a paucity of straight male students.</p>
<p>about virtually every women’s college and/or former women’s college with a predominantly female population (SLC and Vassar, primarily). It originates from negative stereotypes about lesbian women, even though usually the person making the comment/asking the question doesn’t intend to invoke them and usually isn’t aware that is the source of the rumor. It is true that a lot of young women attracted to women do attend women’s colleges because of comfort and the increased ability to find romantic partners, but generally speaking, lesbian women don’t try to get non-lesbian women to be lesbians, if that makes sense. Also generally speaking, they’re in the minority.</p>
<p>But I mean, seriously…think about it. I’m sure that this educator is very trusted, but even putting aside the sexual aggression part…</p>
<p>this school would not be a good choice for a girl whose professed sexual orientation is heterosexual due to…a paucity of straight male students</p>
<p>He basically told you that your daughter shouldn’t go to a predominantly female environment because there are very few straight men there. Why should that matter?</p>
<p>Does he have first-hand experience with SLC, or is this hearsay? Although I personally wouldn’t put much stock into this (I’m not saying that women don’t assault other women, but statistically speaking a young straight woman is far, far, far less likely to be assaulted by a lesbian than a straight man, which is another reason his advice is so puzzling), one option is to go back to this educator and ask him why he gave you this advice and from where his experience/knowledge comes.</p>
<p>Also, unfortunately, most attractive young women in their late adolescence and early adulthood begin to experience unwanted sexual aggression from males. I think most adults are aware that such things happen, although it is true that different schools have varying levels of activity when it comes to addressing them. That said, I wouldn’t assume that these correspond with the most elite schools - Yale, for example has gotten some notoriety in the last few years (deserved or not, I don’t know) for not actively addressing sexual harassment complaints and in fact turning a blind eye when they happen, particularly from professors.</p>
<p>more wise words from juillet, but I don’t think our children have to wait til late adolescence to feel that unwanted sexual aggression. Many of those children are experiencing it in middle school. I’m not speaking as an academic here but as a parent who has heard of this aggression from his children and nieces and nephews and from parents in my children’s schools. Forget wolf whistles from, and stink eyes to, adults. Our kids are feeling the pressure from their peers (“oral sex isn’t really sex, you know”). The panderers are their same-sex friends. “What’s wrong with ‘friends with bennies, anyway?’ everybody does it! you’re his friend/you’re my friend, aren’t you?” I used to know what phone sex was until the proliferation of cell phones in the hands of teens and the invention of sexting. And attractiveness has almost nothing to do with it. I’m quite sure sexual aggression and pressure doesn’t feel any more welcome at 19 than it does at 14, but it’s a little late to start worrying about it when our kids go off to college. If you haven’t already, teach your children how to recognize sexual aggression and to deal with it safely and maturely.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the suggestions. My daughter enjoyed her Bard and Vassar visits and situates them as “distant seconds” on her list. She hasn’t mentioned Hampshire but maybe it’s worth a check when she tours Amherst. Juillet, the educator whom I mentioned is not from my daughter’s school but is someone I’ve known for about 25 years. Her information about SLC comes from her relative who is currently a student at that school. She has become very unhappy at her college for reasons stated in my original post. </p>
<p>If it is accepted that young women are so similar to young men that they are capable of doing anything academically that young men can do, and it is accepted that sexual aggression by young men on college campuses is ubiquitous, why is it impossible for there to be one college where sexual aggression by young women is common? The OP did not state that all predominantly female colleges have such an atmosphere or that all lesbians are sexually aggressive toward straight women, but that she was aware of evidence that such is common at one college. And if such aggression is not ubiquitous, then I would think that at that one college the sexual predators would have the added advantage of everyone assuming that it is unlikely that they are guilty and that any charges are the result of “homophobia.” </p>
<p>If there are so many colleges where it is apparently true that young men are sexually aggressive toward women, why can’t there be one college where that is true for young women? The word “misandry” comes to mind.</p>
<p>Hi - my son applied to and was accepted at SLC and felt it was his top choice until we visited for an accepted student day. He didn’t feel comfortable with the whole “feel” of the campus (my husband and I were ready to sign up ourselves however!). He ultimately decided on Hampshire and is finishing his third year there now and loves it. He can’t imagine himself anyplace else. He also applied and was accepted at Bard and also Bennington College so you might also check out Bennington. Amherst College is very different from the others you’ve mentioned. </p>
<p>Hampshire is part of the 5 College Consortium and my son has taken many courses at Amherst. And he’s loved living in Amherst. </p>
<p>@austinreadad: because sexual aggression is caused by specific images held in the mind re females + lack of impulse control + flux of hormones + a culture that values aggression in males (think of football players’ behavior, glorification of violence by young male rappers, etc). Young women may have the same problem with self control but aggressivity/aggression aren’t valued for them except in “warrior princess” type settings, ie., not real life… and the hormones that fuel that behavior just aren’t there 
(testosterone). </p>
<p>Female aggression isn’t physical or similar to male aggression. It’s verbal and relationship-based - little jabs, rumors that ruin life, taunting, “■■■■■-slapping”, excluding from the circle of friends/parties/news, etc. </p>
<p>Perhaps more importantly, make sure that SLC is likely to be affordable for you (run the net price calculator). Also, your daughter needs to check the course and curricula offerings to make sure it is academically suitable for anything she may want to study; SLC is one of the more “unbalanced” schools around, with an emphasis on arts, humanities, and psychology, but rather limited in most other areas.</p>