SAT April 2006 Essay (Please help me with my essay)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Hi, every body please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some advices. I am preparing for November SAT.

Prompt 1
Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.
Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things

Assignment : Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.

Essay:

Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.

M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks’ right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably “I have A Dream” speech, that he shouldn’t resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.

Similarly, in the dystopian vertigo comic novel “V for Vendetta” by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say “enough” to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.

Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.

2

4 out of 5 / 8 or 9 out of 12

good essay, it had some pretty solid examples… in order to get a 6, just be sure to include a couple sentences in the body paragraphs that CLEARLY link your examples to your thesis. speaking of a thesis, WHERE IS YOUR THESIS?

to me your intro paragraph looks like : hook, restate question, these examples… you haven’t really expressed thesis clearly. trust me, the people grading your essay are going to look for a clear thesis. this is gonna totally draw you back

also, try including another example? while you can get a 6 or 12 with two examples, i would suggest for you that you use three. because your writing style is moderate, but having a surplus of examples and information will make up for it no worries

so yah basically: make thesis CRYSTAL CLEAR in intro, CLEARLY link examples to thesis, try using three examples?

3

Thank you @wanderlustgal !

Actually, I am always running out of time and I tried to introduce a third example but I can’t.
And what do you mean by moderate style?

I edited some parts of the essay according to your advices:

Essay:

Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour or thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. As far I am concerned, I think that people should never change their ideas and beliefs. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters beliefs proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.

Snatching a fundamental right for a striving race is a case in which a person should be strongly commited to his or her ideal. Take the case of King. M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks’ right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably “I have A Dream” speech, that he shouldn’t resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.

Similarly, litterature demonstrate through V’s personality, that devotion to a plan or a thought is effective to establish social change. In the dystopian vertigo comic novel “V for Vendetta” by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say “enough” to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.

Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.