SAT Essay score estimate request.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi. This is my first post, and I thought this would be a good way to start off my stay here at College Confidential.</p>

<p>Here is my essay:</p>

<p>[Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?]</p>

<pre><code> The ideal view on humanity would be, of course, that each human being acts and thinks with an ultimate purpose of goodwill. Though many who view humans as largely powered by selfishness are often criticized as being overly cynical, it is true that the majority of people prefer acting on their own behalf over acting on others' behalf. As many people as there are who work based on conscience and the welfare of others, there are more who concentrate on helping themselves.

     The Korean job institution as a whole serves well to illustrate this fact. Most of those who are in primary and secondary education systems have planned futures in various industries especially known for their lucrativeness: medicine, law, and business. Although the ideal society described by Plato and many others after him features a group of 'philosophers' at the top of the social hierarchy - meaning that those most academically capable are best utilized in studying philosophies and pure sciences - the top of the Korean academic hierarchy is full of doctors, lawyers, and business consultants. The job distribution according to academic ability in Korea is the complete reciprocal of that described by many philosophers as ideal. This can only be explained by the notion that the most capable people (as well as most everyone else) were encouraged by selfish motives.

     Singled-out individuals cause many problems as well because they are largely motivated by selfish goals and desires that are ultimately supposed to lead to their sole happiness. The ever-complicating stem cell research scandal involving Hwang Woo-Suk, among many other notable biologists, is an excellent illustration of this assertion. In a fierce race for the honors and subsequent financial surpluses that the stem cell revolution will bring, numerous biologists have resorted to fabrication and deceit to be the first to patent new technology and win the rewards. Much of this situation has already been revealed; Hwang Woo-Suk was exposed of evidential fabrication in his revolutionary thesis two years earlier. Another biologist, by the name Schatten, was discovered of planning a theft of the technology while exposing Hwang's misdeeds.

     There are plenty of people in this world who are motivated by selfish desires. Those who are motivated by more saintly ambitions are much less in number. As powerful as conscience may be, it is no match for the money, fame, and power that seduce people all the more as the global social trend becomes increasingly individualistic.

</code></pre>

<p>I was two minutes overtime, as I often am, and yes, I am aware that this is a problem that I must fix soon.</p>

<p>Besides the score, any suggestions on how I could improve? Possible suggestions on how I could brainstorm faster (I always take like 3 - 5 minutes, way too much time)?</p>

<p>Thanks in advance, have a nice day.</p>

2

<p>I would probably give it around a 10...</p>

3

<p>Welcome!
IMO it's an eight. I don't understand your first example.<br>
Brainstorming should take 3-5 minutes, so that's not what you should change. Try to write faster; spend less time worrying about editing until you have finished.</p>

4

<p>I won't grade SAT-wise because I don't think you answered the question at all. The prompt asked for "Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?" but you only gave examples of how widespread greed was. I understand that you did this to illustrate that more people work selfishly, and thus say that conscience isn't very powerful, but SAT graders are most likely to give you a low grade (I've heard of people getting 0s for writing off topic) simply because you did not blatantly answer the question.</p>

<p>I like your writing style, and you certainly make yourself appear intelligent in your essay. Any idiot would know that you know how to write. However, the test isn't graded based on that.</p>

<p>You sound like a science person -- in a research hypothesis, its bad practice to prove the opposite of what you're trying to prove wrong; same thing in writing.</p>

5

<p>I support Taggart, if u explicitly answer the question, I'll give u a 10.</p>