Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks.
Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
The idea of caring about only the people of one’s own country seems outdated. Some people still defend this attitude, claiming that if we are going to expend resources to help people, we should help those of our own country first. But national boundaries are meaningless lines that shift over time. There is no reason why a citizen of one country should not feel just as responsible for the well-being of people in other countries as for the well-being of those in his or her own country.
Assignment: Should we care just as much about people in other countries as we do about people in our own country? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Essay :
I do believe that what unite people is not ethnicity, or language or religion but the sence of belonging to human kind, overall. In a globalized world, ethnicities merge, national boundaries disappear and reason become the fair judge to build a close-knit community. I see that we must care for all human beings and consider them all as equal. It’s vital for the world to uproot national dogma.
As I consider Edgar Morin’s theory of compound identity that stems from all different cultural, social and racial ties, I understand how the prosperity for the world is guaranteed only if we forgo national attachment and address our love, care and compassion to humanity. Philanthropists are people who truly devoted their lives to spread this idea. Angelina Jolie’s commitment to subsidize Africa with food and electricity, Bill Gates dedication to consecrate a huge part of his astronomical fortune to help young minds to rose and dream and Cristiano Ronaldo’s generous donations to families haunted by political unrest in Middle East and Asia, are examples of how celebrities give unconditional support to people they barely know, in far away countries. It’s humanistic to give boost and care for others even if they are unknown and foreign.
At a broader context, governments from wealthy developed countries must push countries who strive to prosper to the road of democracy and freedom. It’s vital, even from a pragmatic perspective, for powerful countries to avoid the emergence of extremism by caring and boosting young democracies. Blunders in foreign policymaking abound but neglecting other people’s struggle against abusive regime, like in Syria in 2011, proved to be disastrous for the Middle East. The West who prides its blue-sky thinking and its role to defend human rights, was somehow found guilty for being silent , especially when West abandon Arabs calls for freedom, dignity and democracy. The impact was a tragedy including a systematic collapse of powers and the spread of evil terrorist groups as ISIS. If West and global community overall supported Arab Spring enough the outcome of revolutions could be different. The Middle East might probably avoid the woes of the war.
To sum up, I am absolutely for humanistic and cosmopolitan union that tighten the gap between people and bring peace and prosperity to the world.