^^what
my sophomore schedule is Euro-free i should be safe
i always fall in love with words instead of actions - good writers and marvelous singers and people who build fluffy castles with beautiful arrangements of letters - and i think thatās a problem; all those ravenclaws and slytherins are much more appealing to lil gryff me instead of gryffindors and hufflepuffs.
who says the world is divided into binary categories? who says it isnāt quarternary?
Who says itās not more?
-a Ravfinpuffin
^ Best two comments, oh gosh. (lowkey slytherin pride)
I hate the last month of school. So. Much. X_X
Summer, you couldnāt come quickerā¦
I wish it was much easier to truly understand each other.
Drama doesnāt make you look cool, drama doesnāt make you look edgy, drama makes you look like a b***h
Honestly
This girl in the drama department would NOT stop talking about how since she was a senior and had an important role TWO YEARS AGO (nobody cares ok) she DESERVED a big part (rule #1 of theatre, you never deserve anything)
She showed up to auditions and read horribly for the only part she would have done reasonably well for
Like literally read off the page in a monotone
Despite this she was cast in the ensemble AND chosen as the understudy for the part she read for
Considering itās a relatively small cast with very few female parts - thatās good!!
But she walked up to the cast list and CROSSED OUT her name, walked back into the classroom and said āguess whoās not in the musical this yearā like excuse me??? you CHOSE not to be in the musical??? there were 50 people who wanted the part she got and she gave it up because it wasnāt good enough for her
You donāt just do thatā¦
I hate when a teacher takes forever grading an assignment that isnāt that time consuming and when someone asks when the assignment will be returned, the teacher says āI have other classes to gradeā and you just want to say that you do too and still manage to complete everything on time.
(what do you mean slytherin? gryffindor forever. just kidding; iāve got a lot of slytherin in me. itās my second most predominant house/trait (?))
ugH. uGH ITāS MY SENIOR YEAR AND I JUST DONāT WANT MY SCHEDULE MUCKED UP. I REALIZE IāM WHINING, BUT IāM SERIOUS. i am proud and stubborn as all get out and i realize that is terrible but i do not want to sacrifice an AP class and i NEED to find a way out of this: i canāt quit leadership next year. nor do i want to abandon AP bio. but i canāt have AP bio and spanish four and i am going to SCREAM because i donāt know if i can take either online and i just want to pull MY HAIR OUT
@kimclan1 My teacher is 1 of 4 teachers who helped design the new exam. His BAMF Scottish accent is cool, but that comment creeps me out, especially since I love European History.
On another note, my crush figured out I like him a while ago, and is now physically staying close to these three girls heās friends with, and I hate them all (1 because I already do, but the other 2 only because heās clinging close to them). Heās such an asian nerd with that bowl cut-ish haircut and watches all this anime (even though heās Korean, lol) and Parks and Recreation, and Sherlock and plays LoL, but I couldnāt even get him to watch RWBY, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, or read Homestuck. Once I finished playing Lifeline (got it free off the Appstore) and got all freaked out and texted him. He calmed me down and made me watch Sword Art Online. Sh**ty af show, but it was honestly so nice to talk to him when I was so spooked.
Honestly, everytime I think of him, I think of two songs:
Next Year by Two Door Cinema Club (first song on all my playlists, and I think of him when I listen to music), and
Madeleine by Jacques Brel (our French teacher made us listen to it, and the line āElle tellement joliā makes me think of him. He takes Spanish, but DAMN heās so cute from that ridiculously awful haircut, and heās sooooo funny, and just everything about him makes me happy. But since he figured it out, my life has just had its colors muted, and everything seems a little more gray.)
A lot of āandā's there. 
You know, I wonder if anyone will ever see me as a Gryffindor. (A Slytherin - yeah. I see it in myself.)
But everyone imagines me as a Ravenclaw. The āsmartā one.
Without that label, I feel like I donāt know who I am - I mean, I do, but without that implicit acknowledgment I feel like Iām losing myself. Itās so easy for me to define myself the way that other people do, and I know I should stop; thatās not the way my life should work if I want to be content.
Choosing not to take another AP class feels like Iām killing a part of myself that I canāt get back. I know full well Iām killing my chances for valedictorian, the goal I set for myself the minute I finished 8th grade. But it also feels like thatās someone elseās dream now, a girl who didnāt know what she wanted to do with her life and set the goal only because it was tangible, not because it was something she knew would make her happy.
Iām just - scared. Not of what other people will think of me, for not āsetting the bar highā and taking 5 APs like the rest of them, but of what Iāll think of myself. Iām sad that Iām disappointing the little freshman who believed that she could and would get valedictorian (I still think I could, if I tried hard enough and I dropped Leadership - but I think I would go crazy if I did). Iām terrified of how Iāll define myself now, because I canāt be the āsmart girlā if Iām not the one taking the maximum number of APs and getting all Aās while involving herself in an inane amount of activities. I canāt be the all-American success story that Iāve always wanted to be, the person Iāve wanted to become, the Asian equivalent of Gabriella.
But thatās just how it is, isnāt it? You change dreams. You change into a different person without even realizing it. You live myriads of lives within your own and you kill your past selves without pause.
Sometimes I wonder if Iām brave enough to do it. To be myself.
When people chew gum with their mouth open oh my lord it drives me nuts
Currently failing calc because I had a panic attack in the middle of a testā¦
I donāt know why the universe had to pick me, out of all people, to have severe mental health issues. Iāve missed 20-25% of school this year and everyoneās just judging the crap out of me, including the people who are supposed to form my support system like my parents, teachers, and counselors. My therapist is a total quack and spends half the sessions talking about how ābrilliantā I am and the other half talking about how sorry she is for me. we can only get an appointment once a month anyway.
I also hate how my parents forced me into college prep school despite the number of times I told them I would not do well. Now all the adults in my life are trapping me here and I have absolutely no control over it. The vice principal told me I would be āclosing doorsā if I left. The sophomore GC told me I would regret not pushing through my mental illness later in life. To make matters worse, the principal refused my request for a 504. My teachers are pushing me to do well on all my APs (which I am totally screwed for) and get As in their classes, and my friends are chastising me for wanting to leave and say Iām just being lazy. Honestly no one is on my side here(except my english teacher, kudos to him) and I hate it.
In the meantime I need to get 100 on my calc final to pass the class, and thereās no way thatās going to happen. Guess Iāll be getting a GED and going to community college since my school doesnāt allow remedial coursework over the summerā¦ I donāt know what happened to the kid who was bound for success.
Also Iām sick of people at my school who think theyāre guaranteed admission to a top university. Like, itās great to have confidence in yourself and be ambitious, but I wish people would stop saying āyeah, Iām going to harvard for collegeā. My friend literally has a 2.7 and she thinks sheās guaranteed admission to amherst just because sheās low income and has crohnās disease.
Idk if this thread is still going, but ok:
School seems incredibly pointless and I feel depressed. I canāt decide what Iām doing at this point and have to give a graduation speech even though I am repulsed at the idea of a set future and all the cliches that accompany graduation speeches and supposed āmilestonesā. Iām leading a club that I really shouldnāt be leading - I feel uncomfortable and question why Iām there in the first place.
Iām on a college forum because I keep going through this vicious cycle of not caring about anything to suddenly being ultra-focused on my academic performance and viability for Ivy applications. I start high school next year and donāt know what to expect. I have this anxiety-depression thing going on and canāt discern whether itās me thinking or just my āthingā.
I want to do debate but I donāt want to because do I really enjoy it or is it just for college applications?
I want to leave but Iām trapped and I canāt escape all these headaches and sources of numbness.
God, I hope I donāt sound like some emo mess ew.
Oh, you poor baby. Idrc that youāre older than me.
wHAt eVeN arE GiRLs hONestLy
And ugh, I canāt believe I thought an insulin pump was an MP3 player.
I really am in love with my best friend.
Argh, why did that stressful as heck but darned lovely semester have to end!!! Itās not fair!
@awesomepolyglot S*** be going DOWN over at the RT subreddit over Montyās death and the animators working with him, especially over the open letter and all. Obviously we still arenāt supposed to reply, but Iām curious if youāve heard and what your opinion on it is.
Rant: To my French teacher.
You are SO INCREDIBLY RUDE. Iāve been dealing with depression all year, my crush (and your neighbor in a wealthy neighborhood) still wonāt talk me, and Iāve been dealing with so much crap in debate since the real coach stepped out and the speech coach wonāt take us anywhere. Yet for whatever reason, you are mad at me when I donāt come in after school to make up tests because of AP testing making it so I get out AFTER the school day is over and you arenāt there, or Iām simply not there. You talk down to me, make my oral quizzes harder by asking me more questions than everyone else then lowering my grade and leaving me with a C for the year!
And this last part takes the cake. Even with the shooting, this town IS NOWHERE CLOSE TO DANGEROUS COMPRED TO THAT OF A METROPOLITAN AREA. You donāt need to rag on me for 5 minutes about how Paris is safer than here because you donāt like me personally. This town is not like DC where you grew up. It is not the capital of a country, it is not a sprawling city that by default practucally has a target lainted on for terrorist attacks to occur. YES, PARIS IS IN FACT MORE DANGEROUS THAN WHERE WE LIVE, AND RIDICULING ME ABOUT IT WHEN I SAY WHY I DONāT WANT TO LIVE THERE AS PART OF AN EXERCISE FOR FIVE MINUTES IS A TERRIBLE THING. JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ECHOLS SCHOLAR AT UVA AND HAVE ABOVE AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE DOES NOT GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO MAKE MY OTHER CLASSMATES BREAK DOWN IN CLASS, STRESS THEM OUT, OR OTHERWISE HARM THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON FOR CAUSING THIS MUCH SUFFERING. YOUR CLASS IS NOT EVEN OFFERED AS HONORS AND YET YOU EXPECT MORE FROM US THAN MY AP EURO TEACHER DOES.
Doing this to us benefits no one.
I wanna fight them
I hate that my anxiety is so bad. And I feel all this pressure to do well all the time and i hate it so much. Even my parents inform me that its OK to stop trying so hard, and yet I canāt. Why? Maybe cause I guess thatās all Iāve ever knownā¦ Sometimes I wonder if this is even going to make me happy. Iāve been thinking a lot about self-worth and what defines my self-worth and my happiness and if Iām on the right path and if Iām doing everything right and itās all really annoying. I donāt know where Iām headed. I mean yeah sure I have a college set to attend in the fall, and I know what I want to study and the field I want to go in after college and all of that stuff, but itās the social aspect of things that keeps bugging me. I just want to feel like a balanced, happy individual and I donāt feel that way. Iām so tired of giving 150% percent just to get back less every time. I hate it I hate it I HATE IT. Why did I have to be given this. Why Why Why. Not to mention the fact I found out this past year that I have OCPD this just makes everything so much worse. Damn. Why Why Why. If I could just disappear for a day, thatād be nice. I just want a break fromā¦ well everything.