<p>Here’s a tip: no one cares what you think. Just smile and nod and say something reassuring/reinforcing/mildly positive. It will all be over soon enough.</p>
<p>Dear Uncle,</p>
<p>I know I should call you. I love your daughter so very much and she asked me to call you. But you are so mean and have always said hurtful things. I know as soon as you answer the phone you’ll find a hurtful thing to say. I know it’s your own pain coming through. I know you miss Aunt _ so very much, even tho you were also hurtful towards her. I am gearing up to call you and donning my protective shield. Here we go.</p>
<p>I’m laughing off the awkward moments because I don’t know how to handle it any other way. But the truth is, they hurt. I know you don’t mean for them to hurt but they do. I get that she’s your girl and you are bound to do things she asks for but please don’t put me in the middle or on the spot. Honestly, I don’t want to meet her. I don’t want to play nice or be compared to. I know she means well and she seems to be a really sweet person–after all, your taste in all things is pretty impeccable, but I don’t want to meet her. I’m being selfish I know but the truthfully, I don’t know if I can be brave enough to stand in front of her without feeling guilty. I knew how you felt about me and I never acknowledged it because I didn’t feel the same–or maybe I didn’t want to–either way, I don’t think I have the right to meet her. And though I will never say this to you; the answer to your question had been ‘yes’. But I couldn’t say it, not when you already had her. Either way the question had hurt. Please don’t do this to me again.</p>
<p>Dear H you were really an ah this morning. I dont like you very much right now.do your own laundry</p>
<p>AAAAGGGHHHH!!!</p>
<p>Your definition of “cleaned up” is not our definition of cleaned up. But, on the bright side, during the 45 minutes I spent in the basement cleaning up just enough that the cleaning lady can vacuum the floor, I found my favorite carry-on suitcase, 3 prs of my gym socks (well, actually 2.5 prs) dads shorts, unerwear, black socks, and about $2.50 in change. </p>
<p>And remember how you promised you’d unpack and go through all the junk you threw into boxes and plastic containers when you moved out of your dorm room 2 mos ago?? Helloooooo-- you might as well just take all that cr*p right back to school in a month.</p>
<p>^^^ Ditto.</p>
<p>So you won’t let my kid jump up to Calculus AB by taking a trig class this summer because, in your experience, he doesn’t need it to go to a decent school. Well, our ideas of decent are very different. So why don’t you worry about the fact that the average math score on SAT was 470 last year and let me help my son get out of this hick town!</p>
<p>Cheese and rice, people. Do you always have to use D and S to refer to your offspring? Does it really take that much more time to type out daughter and son?(!?!?) </p>
<p>Other than that little pet peeve of mine, CC, I love you. I wish I had discovered you in high school, when my college counselor told me that I’d never get in to a semi-decent school. Now I’m attending one of the top schools in the country. SUCK ON THAT. </p>
<p>Better. :)</p>
<p>Dear S: Yes, you are 18 and going to college in 29 days. But asking you to help around the house (since you have no job this summer) is not a sentence to slave labor. Yes, you did wash the outdoor windows–two days after you were supposed to have done it. But the screens are still leaning against the house, the ladder and hose on the lawn, the bucket, water, squeegie, rags still in the middle of the garage…and you have gone to work out. A little effort on your part would be much appreciated! ARGH!!!</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be having to follow up on their tasks. Everyone should follow up on their own items.”
“You need to be talking with them every day. They’re not going to take care of it if you don’t follow up with them.”</p>
<p>O boss, King of Mixed Messages, I’m tired of being yelled at for either managing your team or not managing your team. I don’t know what it is that you want me to do, but you and the rest of the department severely underestimate the amount of time and effort it takes to do the job that you’re having me do. I’m extraordinarily tired. My husband just filed for unemployment, and we’re down to one income. We have to move in six weeks because we can’t afford our apartment anymore. On top of successfully co-managing a project that I’m woefully underqualified to manage, I’m working incredibly hard to improve our working situation-- I’m a key player in creating an entire resource system for the employees so that they can have assistance and guidance that they desperately need. Morale is a problem, so I’m managing up and am really starting to change the attitude of our superiors… I’m trying to fix the problems, but I haven’t had a raise, bonus, or promotion in three years. I’m getting mad kudos from the clients I assist-- kudos personally directed to me… Do you think I’m going to stick around when the economy picks up again?</p>
<p>I don’t understand why the generation ahead of me is so appalled that my generation doesn’t comprehend employee loyalty… In the days of company loyalty, if you took care of the company, the company would take care of you. Nowadays, if you take care of the company, the company demands more of you until you break, and then they lay you off. If they don’t lay you off, then they’re mystified when you jump ship. We can’t trust the company anymore.</p>
<p>I can’t do this much longer. I’m getting so burned out. I don’t want you to ruin my passion for what I do, either. This has got to stop some time soon…</p>
<p>BAD DAY AT WORK!</p>
<h1>1</h1>
<p>I’m truly sorry that your new job didn’t work out. But although you weren’t bad enough to fire, you also weren’t good enough to hire back. The grass is always greener, isn’t it? Next time you have a good thing going, I hope you stick with it.</p>
<p>One more thing…when you call someone to say you want to “get together,” but what you really want is a job, it’s transparently tacky.</p>
<h1>2</h1>
<p>I’m glad you’ve reached out to me, and I enjoy your company, but your incompetence is making my job so hard that I’m afraid to be friends with you. I can’t have dinner with your family even as I’m wishing you’d get fired. And I resent that you’ve put me in that position.</p>
<p>You know what?</p>
<p>Administration, you suck. Stop ragging on me for everything that goes wrong - it’s not my responsibility, dammit! I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of your antics. Get your house in order. I hate that you switched me from one manager to another, because the new one is boring as heck, in addition to being in prime condition for retirement. Though you’ve given me a position with “responsibilities” - responsibilities that you have failed to define - you’ve given me no power to realize them. Do you understand how hard that makes my job? How miserable that makes my day?</p>
<p>Yeah, I thought so.</p>
<p>auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh</p>
<p>To my H’s siblings: Do you realize what a f**king joke you are?</p>
<p>Dear Mother Nature,
We’ve had June Gloom for close to three months now. For three days last week we had hot sunny bright weather and I thought it was finally summer. Was that just to tease us? Now it’s chilly and grey and foggy again. This isn’t fair. This is coastal California, it’s supposed to be hot and sunny. Can we have summer now please?</p>
<p>I love the ignore list! I never need to read the irritating comments of certain people ever again. Now, if only I could expand it outward into the universe…</p>
<p>Please stop using the term “blacks.” Black is an adjective. Black person, black man, black woman, black teenager. A black does not do something. A black something does something. Same for whites.</p>
<p>Dear Mother Nature,
We’ve had June Gloom for close to three months now and I love it! For three days last week we had hot weather and I feared the summer heat wave had finally arrived. Was that just to punish us? Now it’s wonderfully chilly and grey and foggy again. That’s more like it! This is coastal California, it’s supposed to be cooler than the hot inland valleys. If you want hot weather, go to Death Valley. For a delicous ocean breeze, I’ll take coastal California any day!</p>
<p>To the “boss”,</p>
<p>You are so lucky that I need this job and am stuck here. If not, I’d tell you what you could do with it and you wouldn’t be getting a 2 week notice from me.</p>
<p>How is it fair that I keep losing PTO days because I never have time to take them. You want me to take them when there’s nothing going on, so I try, and all of a sudden, there are things going on that I need to be here for.</p>
<p>Somehow you always seem to be able to take off a week or two at a time with no problem, but I ask for a measely 2 days off, and I can’t because I just “might” need to make some changes. Well, maybe YOU should learn how to do something for a change.</p>
<p>Dear classmates,
I can’t believe we’re rising juniors and only have two years left with each other. Most of us have known each other since Kindergarden, so for 12 years. We’ve grown up together. We’ve dealt with a horrific car accident that killed 3 students, the death of parents, the loss of parents jobs, cross country moves, and other events like 9/11 where we were just 2nd graders in a NYC school who didn’t really understand why New York’s “Two Front Teeth” were burning and why we had to wear those funny looking masks. Although we may little petty arguments, we truly are close and supportive. We are competitive but we help each other achieve goals and don’t look down on people who don’t receive the same 4.0 GPA or who aren’t 4 sport Varsity athletes. I am so proud of our class. All 32 of you are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I don’t know how I am going to live without seeing you all everyday. I plan on making the most out of these two years. I really appreciate you all.
Love,
C.</p>