<p>I just found out that a family friend was diagnosed with cancer......needless to say, it's sad and scary and we haven't had to deal with anything like it before.....any advice? This person is married with three kids and I'm terrified by the prospect of him dying. I don't know how to help without getting in the way or being insensitive or something, so if anyone can share any experiences.....</p>
<p>Just be thoughtful. Come over to clean the house, bring food, give gift certificates for gas, offer free babysitting, give the wife magazines, snacks, and rolls of quarters (for snack/drink machines) during hospital stays. I'm so sorry for you. In my prayers.</p>
<p>is there any chance he'd survive?</p>
<p>Well, I've had 2 close neighbors, 1 relative, and 1 friend (at the age of 14) diagnosed w/ cancer. Yeah it's real scary. One of my neighbors had 2 sets of twins..but the thing is to stay positive. Don't even think about the dying part because that'll just bring you down. It really sucks, but a lot of people can and have beat cancer.
My neighbor w/ the 2 sets of twins survived breast cancer but now she has it again..so i'm scared as hell...
Remember that the person who has the cancer is terrified too and they want to be around people who are uplifting.</p>
<p>I did a bit of research and the long-term prognosis for his type of cancer isn't exactly promising. There's a one-year survival estimate of 70%, which is good, but for five years, it drops to about 50%. I know it varies for everyone, but the numbers are still scary. He's a strong person and we'll all do everything we can to support him. I appreciate all the advice and your time. This isn't the first time someone I know has been sick, but the other times, I was pretty young and didn't understand like I do now. I will try my hardest to stay upbeat. I know he can beat this and I'll pray for him.</p>
<p>Imo, the best thing you can do is make sure they enjoy the time they have left. The scariest part of knowing someone with cancer is the uncertainty. So it's best to make sure everyone enjoys what time they have left with him the best they can. I'm not saying he's going to die but it's best to live up life with him. </p>
<p>Take care of the little things for his family if you can. IE make sure the pets are fed. It's one less thing for them to worry about. And kids, keep them occupied, don't let them dwell. They're very scared, I know from first hand experience sadly. Because as a kid, you don't know what it all means. If it's a young kid you just think "Daddy's sick. He'll go to the doctor's and get better." It's heartbreaking to pretend everything's going to be fine with them but imo it's the best. </p>
<p>Offer to take care of their kids for a night or weekend so the parents can enjoy some time together.</p>
<p>What kind of cancer does he have?</p>
<p>I know a lot of people who have had cancer, including a mom who has ovarian cancer that has metasticized, a friend who has lung cancer that metasticized to her brain and liver, and various friends who have had breast cancer, including some who have had double mastectomies. I also know someone who has colon cancer followed by lymphatic cancer, and I know someone with nonhodgkins lymphoma. All of these people are doing very well, including some whose cancer was initially diagnosed more than 12 years ago.</p>
<p>Cancer used to be basically an automatic death sentence. That's not true today. My friend with the lung/liver/brain cancer was diagnosed a year ago. She was able to get a new drug in October, which seems to have worked virtually a miracle. After chemo and cyberknife surgery on her brain, she's still working as a psychoanalyist, is strong enough to exercise and to enjoy life. Her brain tumors seem to have been elimiminated and her lung and liver tumors are much smaller. She doesn't seem to have had any lasting negative effects from the surgery and chemo.</p>
<p>Anyway, you never know what can happen.</p>
<p>What i have done is be a good friend to her. I flew up to visit her after her diagnosis. I have listened to her concerns about dying, and I made sure that I understood what kind of funeral and other arrangements she might want. I think it was a comfort to her that I was willing to listen because we both know that under stressful conditions, one's loved ones may need support in carrying out a dying person's wishes.</p>
<p>I also have kept in touch by doing things like e-mailing her frequently, calling her weekly, sending her books that she might find inspirational. Although we are of different religions, she said that she finds it a comfort to know that people are praying for her, so I asked my church to pray for her.</p>
<p>When I've seen optimistic stories about cancer treatments and survivals, I also have sent those to her.</p>
<p>I think that the most important thing is to be willing to stay connected with the person and to be willing to listen to his thoughts and concerns. So many people, unfortunately, either won't listen to seriously ill people or avoid them. It means a lot to people who are sick to have friends who are willing to stay in touch with and listen to them. Since you're in h.s., maybe the best thing that you can do is to stay connected with your friend's children and listen to their concerns.</p>
<p>My friend's cancer battle inspired my husband to sign up to do the Lance Armstrong bikeathon to raise money for cancer research, and my friend seems very appreciative of that. Perhaps your friend would be cheered if you did something like this. My husband also bought my friend some kind of cancer survivor information kit that my husband got through the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Perhaps your friend would appreciate that, too.</p>
<p>He (I'll call him John) has lymphoma (not sure whether it's hodgkins or not) and was only just diagnosed. His kids are 11, 17, and about 19, so I can definitely offer to babysit the youngest one. He's good friends with my younger brother, anyway. We're also really close to the 17-year-old son, who has come with us on vacation a couple of times and is practically my other brother's best friend. The thing is, I'm not super close to John personally, but he's a great guy and a good friend to our family and to dozens of other people. I'll try some of the suggestions here and help out in any way I can. Who knows - maybe he'll be cured soon and this will all be over. I will try to stay positive......sorry for this gloomy thread. It's just a bit much to take right now.</p>
<p>Oh, and Northstarmom- thanks for the personal advice. It's definitely uplifting knowing that the people you know are mostly doing well. I wish everyone the best of luck in beating cancer. Your suggestions for helping are great too.</p>
<p>Im very sorry to hear that..ive never had cancer but i have had to go through brain surgery and i have to keep an eye on things b/c brain tumors have 4 stages: 1: its going to stay that size non cancerous.
2: Noncancerous but could get bigger and could become stage 3
3: Cancerous
4: Dangerously cancerous
I have stage 2 it could become cancerous at anytime we also have the problem w/ the fact i have something called a shunt and it could malfunction anytime and basically its very dangerous</p>
<p>I'm sorry. I can't offer any advice, because I haven't really had to deal with cancer. My grandpa's had melanoma twice, and he's completely fine today, but that was a long time ago and I wasn't alive when it happened.</p>
<p>The thought of losing a loved one is hard on everyone. It seems we all walk on egg shells not knowing what to ask or say. Be positive whenever you are with your friend. Keep conversations up beat. Share fun stories about "John".<br>
I was only 16 (one of nine kids ages 11-20) when my mother died of a heart attack at age 45. My father died suddenly six years later. One thing I wish I had was a book filled with photos and stories that I could share with my own children. Scrapbooking is so popular now. You might want to get the children started on a book of their own. Focus on the funny stories (ie, like when my aunt came on a camping and canoe trip. She had never done anything like that before. My father was in the same canoe with his sister when he PURPOSELY tipped the canoe........) You get the idea.<br>
Even if "John" beats his cancer, his children will have a good start on documenting the memories of their life. In our fast paced lives.....we all need to slow down and cherish what we have.<br>
My prayers go out to you and your friends.</p>
<p>Wow, meslizzie....I hope you're okay. It sounds pretty tough.
Well, John's son just came by our house and he actually sounded unusually cheery. I'm not sure if he knows yet because I don't know if he was home yesterday. The youngest brother slept over at our house last night and unless his parents have told him sometime in the past few hours, he doesn't know either. The hardest part is knowing that there's a chance these boys will lose their father. I lost my mother when I was very young and it is so hard to deal. I can't even imagine losing my dad or stepmom now, and I never want to.</p>
<p>Yeah its hard...ughh his son might no he probably just wants to get on with his life w/o mentioning if he stays at a normal pace the probably better he will feel</p>
<p>OH and its Lesmizzie...aka Les miserables...think of what that meas and think thats probably what the family is(it means the miserable people.) try and cheer them up</p>
<p>My friend lost her mom to cancer when she was about seven. It's pretty scary, especially if you're really young and you don't know what's going on. I don't really have much to offer, but I hope that everything goes well for those that live with it.</p>
<p>My class lost a girl to cancer in 9th grade...diagnosed in 6th grade. I wasn't necessarily her best friend, but we were friends (everyone was friends in sixth grade). I was so glad that basically the whole class supported her, with fundraisers, giant birthday parties for her, etc. I really do believe those three and a half years were the best she could have had.</p>
<p>Bascially, if worst comes to worst, make sure he enjoys the time he has. Don't completely forget cancer, but don't make him stay in bed because of it. Do special things for him...organize a party or event (but make sure it's not sympathy, but more a celebration of life). The suggestions others have given about babysitting, making snacks, or helping at their house are good ideas, too.</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind his life is not over. If nothing else, do you best to keep the family's hopes up. I mean you don't even know how serious it is yet, so don't panic too soon.</p>
<p>lol I must be dyslexic or something. All I know is that I'm not going to mention anything to either son or anyone else. I can say it here and be anonymous, but above all, I can't intervene in their business and how they want to share it with the people we know. I know that John is going back to the doctor on Tuesday, and hopefully he'll get a clearer prognosis then. I'm not religious but I will still be praying for him.
I know that when people you're close to die, triggers can be the worst. My grandpa died when I was nine and when I go visit the rest of the family, so many different things remind me of him. I wrote a poem about him once and it actually won a contest. Grief makes for honest writing, I guess.</p>
<p>fortunately cancer is not necessarily a death sentence anymore. do you know any details, such as what type of cancer it is and what stage? those will help determine what he's facing.</p>
<p>Same kind of situation... A family friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, she went through chemo and radiation, and everyone said the cancer was gone and she should be fine. Well know it's back. Moved into her bones. This is a homeschooling family with 6 children. the youngest is almost two. Apparantly it's fairly unlikley she'll survive more than a coule years. It can be really hard for everyone in a situation like this. I feel like I should be helping, but there really isn't much I can do. I am going to be driving some of the kids into town for their music lessons ad just to help get them off her hands for awhile. Basically the only thing you can do is try to be supportive of the family and help in any way you can, even if it's just small things every bit helps.</p>
<p>My mom has had cancer twice in the last 8 years and was just recently diagnosed again for the third time, what has really helped my family is taking a positive outlook on her chances of survival. Also, i know personally it has really helped me having family and friends being there for support whether it is helping clean the house, bringing food over, spending time at the house, etc. and so im sure that doing such things would also help the family of the person that you mentioned in the OP. Also, I have never actually feared losing my mother b/c she has always seemed so confident and strong about beating the disease, though i know she is afraid. It would also probably be nice if you spent time with the children, cause i know with my mom, she has been unable to do much physical activity due to weakness from the chemotherapy, so if you were to play with the children since their father probably wouldnt be able to that would be a very nice gesture. Hopefully my mom will beat this disease for good this time and get on with her life!</p>