Scholarship-Please Review and Critique

<p>I'm a new member :) however, I need some help, more or less, on revising the scholarship. Keep in mind that I am applying for scholarships that aren't really essays, but are general scholarships -- much like a resume in paragraph format. </p>

<p>I'll introduce myself: I am a Senior and am going on to community college (2 yrs) and then attending an online university to earn a Bachelor's in Information Technology. As my screenname says, I am a "computer wizard" (so if any of you need help with PC/Mac, Windows/Linux/MacOS, I'm here. :) ) As you see, my educational route is community college/online universty so it's not the traditional "fly 2000 miles across the country", which is quite OK, but I don't want to do that as you'll see in my letter, I am on the verge of becoming A+ certified (certification for IT people) and thus be able to hold a good part-time job working as a tech somewhere local while in college.</p>

<p>Anyhow, below is my scholarship letter. I switched out my name and all other identifying information (for obvious purposes), so if you'd be willing to take 5 minutes or so to make suggestions, please do so.</p>

<p>-computerwiz</p>

<hr>

<p>My Name
My Address
My City, State 01234</p>

<p>Scholarship Name
Address
City, State, ZIP</p>

<p>Dear Mr. Scholarship Reader</p>

<pre><code>My name is Ima Computerwizard. I currently attend Any High School as a Senior. I am a hardworking student who works diligently at everything I do to the best of my ability; I also maintain a 3.0-3.4 grade point average. One of my goals in life is to become an IT (information technology) technician.

One may ask, “Why the 'information technology' pathway?” Information technology is an essential cog the great machine called enterprise. Additionally, ever since I was in fifth grade, I had a aching interest in the modern computer. I had the great privilege of dismantling the family computer when my parents weren't around, and, needless to say, it still worked! Instead of checking out the latest fiction books at the library, I'd head straight to the computer section and choose books with topics such as computer repair, operating systems, and local area networking. I was also privileged to have my own computer, given to me by a family friend, to explore, which fueled my desire to explore even more. While I still have a lot to learn and that all that knowledge I've accumulated throughout the years is a “drop in the bucket”, I am enthusiastic of becoming a part of the cog that drives many a corporation, organization and government agency and exploring more of the computer sciences before and during my career.

I am willfully determined to enter the Information Technology field, and with a help of a scholarship, that can turn a dream into reality. With the economic crisis happening nationwide, and in addition to having a family with four children (including myself), a scholarship would enable me to pursue a dream that isn't too distant. I am already planning to start 'laying the foundation' of my future by becoming CompTIA A+ certified, a well-respected certification credential in the IT field, before I graduate high school.
</code></pre>

<p>Thank you for your consideration,</p>

<p>Ima Computerwizard</p>

<p>Keep in mind that the scholarships I happen to be applying for often require that it be no more than one page--I had to condense a lot in so little bit of space. My original one was nearing three full pages @ 12pt, TNR.</p>