<p>choopity said he got into gtown early, though....</p>
<p>Just because I can translate what you two were saying about him doesnt mean I have the same opinions as yall do.
And yes, while I agree that his essay needs a lot of work, I dont think telling him that he is "not thinking" is going to very productive.</p>
<p>And us being the same person? Whatever, you can go write your conspiracy theories after you are in DC. Im already in Georgetown. thank you very much.</p>
<p>anyway, last post coming out of me. if you two wanna go on playing self impressed posters turned college counselor, you can go right on ahead.</p>
<p>sempitern, i think the phrasing of your essay makes the work seem melodramatic almost to the point where the admissions office may find this comical. You should try not using cliche grammar constructions. For example, "We were caught ignorant once; let us not allow such a frail, minutely small virus, trounce us again" sounds almost like an ending to a mystery novel.</p>
<p>Overall, i would say you should adopt a more analytical format. Your essay should begin with a less Hollywood version of events -- Every year, AIDS contributes to X amount of deaths. blah blah blah. Yet the virus has only been on this planet for Y years. An escalation of this virus as the third world crisis worsens threatens global stability.</p>
<p>Then you should talk about how the government needs to invest more in funding. A cool idea would be to talk about maybe one of the reasons that the government has a hard time responding to the virus is because the medical profession is often distanced from policy making. You could talk about why an education at Georgetown closes this gap between the two fields because of its medical center and its emphasis on policy. That seems like a convincing and unique reason why the SFS might be a key component to the solution to your global dilemma. </p>
<p>Like everyone else, I like the part about what you did in the labs. You should develop that more.</p>
<p>Overall, I think its a good start. Less action movie, more what you hope to gain from Georgetown's resources. I hope this is helpful. </p>
<p>You should also heed the advice of everyone else and make sure your facts are correct.</p>
<p>"Im already in Georgetown. thank you very much."</p>
<p>Whatever... you are just some 40 year old lurker.</p>
<p>uh... good one.</p>
<p>Oh Brenner, let's just let it go. Fights through the Internet are really silly, especially when "choopity" was clearly looking to start an argument.</p>
<p>Meh, I kind of like internet fights.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Just because I can translate what you two were saying about him doesnt mean I have the same opinions as yall do.
And yes, while I agree that his essay needs a lot of work, I dont think telling him that he is "not thinking" is going to very productive.</p>
<p>And us being the same person? Whatever, you can go write your conspiracy theories after you are in DC. Im already in Georgetown. thank you very much.</p>
<p>anyway, last post coming out of me. if you two wanna go on playing self impressed posters turned college counselor, you can go right on ahead.</p>
<p>sempitern, i think the phrasing of your essay makes the work seem melodramatic almost to the point where the admissions office may find this comical. You should try not using cliche grammar constructions. For example, "We were caught ignorant once; let us not allow such a frail, minutely small virus, trounce us again" sounds almost like an ending to a mystery novel.</p>
<p>Overall, i would say you should adopt a more analytical format. Your essay should begin with a less Hollywood version of events -- Every year, AIDS contributes to X amount of deaths. blah blah blah. Yet the virus has only been on this planet for Y years. An escalation of this virus as the third world crisis worsens threatens global stability.</p>
<p>Then you should talk about how the government needs to invest more in funding. A cool idea would be to talk about maybe one of the reasons that the government has a hard time responding to the virus is because the medical profession is often distanced from policy making. You could talk about why an education at Georgetown closes this gap between the two fields because of its medical center and its emphasis on policy. That seems like a convincing and unique reason why the SFS might be a key component to the solution to your global dilemma.</p>
<p>Like everyone else, I like the part about what you did in the labs. You should develop that more.</p>
<p>Overall, I think its a good start. Less action movie, more what you hope to gain from Georgetown's resources. I hope this is helpful.</p>
<p>You should also heed the advice of everyone else and make sure your facts are correct.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Most constructive post in this entire thread. That's an excellent idea for an essay; I wish that I had thought of it myself!</p>
<p>thanks choopity</p>
<p>Brenner: Two years ago, Bush appropriated, he did not send, $15 billion over to Africa. I believe the annual tributes of $2 billion started in 2004. Even at $2 billion/year, it is still a great step forward in the fight against AIDS. Unfortunately, it is only one of the few instances that I can commend Bush on something.</p>
<p>i feel like the problem with your essay is that ...well you assume that writing about AIDS is going to set you apart from the crowd - in reality it wont.</p>
<p>the whole notion of writing about AIDS is a bit sophomoric and it doesn't really make you look like an intellectual - everyone knows about the risks of AIDS its not something that shows that you can keep up with global affairs</p>
<p>my advice is to try writing about something totally new....what about "Terrorism at Sea?" that's a growing problem in southeast asia. you can find out some stuff about it in the November/December Issue of the journal "Foreign Affairs"....try thinking along that line if you don't want a "cookie cutter essay"</p>
<p>thats just my thought take it or leave it</p>
<p>which major are you applying to at SFS--science and international relations?</p>
<p>if you're thinking of choosing that major, i think that your essay would be a lot more unique if you cut out most of the "aids is underfunded and no one cares about it" stuff and just focused on the research. give a short background summary of the AIDs virus's clinical symptoms and structure and etc., then focus the heart of your essay on how you got interested in the virus and the research that you plan to do/its possible implications toward helping AIDs patients. then, you end up with an essay that really shows your interest in both science and global issues, which will be really unique AND perfect for your intended major =)</p>
<p>i wrote an essay that was something like that (and my intended major is science and international relations), except my research was about plant genes and biotech crops and all that stuff. PM me if what i said confused you or you'd like to see my essay... good luck!</p>