Score my essay, pretty please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Guys guys. I'm practicing for my SATs, and I'm SO scared about the essay. Please help me out and give me tips, and please do rate my essay. As you can probably tell, I'm not American, so English isn't my first language, which means I NEED HELP. Give me tips and stuff, I'd really appreciate it. </p>

<p>Essay:
(((Is the way something seems to be not always the way it is?)))</p>

<p>"Facades are everywhere, which can lead us to misjudge situations and people. Our awareness of our surroundings is often blurred by our perception of them. How we perceive, or view someone, is how we believe that someone actually is. Thus, humans tend to see things in the way they seem to be, not in the way they actually are. Great examples of such misconceptions are Isaac Newton, and my little brother.</p>

<p>As a young boy, Isaac Newton used to often fall in the arms of depression, his psychological disorders (bipolarity and such) encumbered him and made it less easy for him to achieve making social relationships. His lack of social life and diffidence bothered him a lot, and when his great gravity theory became prevalent, even fame couldn't help him get out of his shell. At the time, Isaac Newton was thought to be a rich, well brought up boy, who is the happiest of all, but in the realm of reality, Isaac Newton was not even close to being happy. His lack of friends and general loneliness increased the melancholy in his life, proving that humans often misread, misjudge, and see things and people the way they seem, not the way they actually are. The way he was viewed was completely wrong.</p>

<p>Another example demonstrating the point mentioned above would be my chat with my little brother about a month ago, a chat that proved me to be the best actress I never thought I'd be. I was sitting on the couch, studying Chemistry, I think, drowning in my own pool of negative thoughts. It was the first time in a very long time that depression actually got to me. Khalid, my little brother came up to me and asked me to watch a video with him, very, very lightheartedly, he barely noticed I was sad. I shook my head and said I was in a bad mood, he then laughed out loud and told me “you are never in a bad mood” which honestly surprised me and left me thinking to myself “ Do people really blur out what they don’t want to notice, or do I just seem the exact opposite of what I actually am?”</p>

<p>Aside from the misconceptions that we have of people, we often misconceive things as well, like how pretty a dress looks on a girl, but how ugly it would look on ourselves, or how soft a fabric looks without touching it. Misconceptions, and misjudgments are a part of our daily lives.</p>

<p>Thus we conclude that humans are susceptible to their own mind, they often think they are inept at reading people, judging situations, and viewing things the way they actually are, without conceding that all the conceptions are fictitious. “Our mind conceives people and situations the way it wants to be”- Tahereh Mafi, the author of the “Shatter Me” series."</p>

2

<p>I would give it a 4/5 out of 6. You seem to be a decent writer; however, here are your faults:

  • you spent 1/5 of your essay unnecessarily repeating your point when you could have added sentences/ ideas to every example.
  • Issac Newton was an adequate example, but always try examples that are most relevant to the question.
  • you’re trying to convince the readers of your point, you don’t want to deviate or linger around the topic with meaning-wise redundant sentences.
  • though it is completely acceptable and sometimes even beneficial to mention/add personal examples, your example was on the colloquial side, try not to depict yourself negatively.</p>

<p>good choice of vocabulary, and a really promising style of writing, your key word should be ‘practice’ and before every essay, you could read some hints and writing techniques to include in your essay.</p>

<p>try to read about a default/exemplary character every 2/3 days and somewhat study about them the same way you would study history, economics or literature. By your writing, I assume you’re taking the SAT seriously.</p>

<p>Try to take a different approach to every essay than other students would. The readers go through approximately 2.5 million essays; to get a score of 6 out of 6, you have to stand out, positively. Try to speak in a more sophisticated manner, but be careful of sounding pompous or foolishly sophisticated. Here are some characters:</p>

<pre><code> Abraham Lincoln
Jack Welch
Edgar Allen Poe
Adolf Hitler (regardless of his corrupted thinking/mind he was able to achieve what he wanted-‘blah blah blah’- through …certain means (whatever they are, you can write about them).
</code></pre>

<p>you can write about the same topic 10 times, you can change your position (agree/disagree), change your examples, change your MOTIVES( the reason you agree/disagree) with the topic and even change your way of thinking.</p>

<p>-You can disregard including names when using a personal example, believe me, the readers are not interested. ;)</p>

3

<p>@Nataliedellon I actually included names for the sake of writing a longer essay, it’s because I’ve read on so many forums that the longer the essay, the better the grade, so I was just adding unnecessary details to expand the length nonetheless. </p>

4

<p>that’s true, the longer the essay, the more you’ll be able to develop you ideas and hence better your score. </p>

<pre><code>don’t get me wrong, details do matter especially ones that depict you as knowledgeable. It’s just that, for the readers, try to be as anonymous as possible, write objectively, without referring to your backgrounds or anything… although the readers have to be unbiased, it’s safer if you wrote objectively… when you apply for colleges later, they’ll be able to read your essays.

  • you can also fabricate interesting but credible stories… readers will never know they weren’t real.
    </code></pre>
5

<p>I would give it a 5/6 our of 6</p>

<p>Structure, supporting arguments, and writing style are all there. Grammar issues are very minor here. Just keep practicing and your writing “voice” will get stronger, possibly getting you that 6/6.</p>

6

<p>@LisaCF Thank you so muchh, do you think I shouldn’t use personal examples?</p>

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<p>@FaithElamin personal examples are perfectly acceptable. Examples from history and literature are usually preferable, but often personal experience is very appropriate.</p>

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<p>Wow, @FaithElamin i really really liked your essay! I’m not american too and the SAT is completely foreign to me since I’m used to a British system that significantly differs in the language and style of writing. I posted two SAT essays, but sadly no one has given me a score. I would love it if you’d check them out. </p>

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<p>@ShadowHunter1997 , I’d love to check out your essay. Email me? <a href="mailto:Imanelaminoct@gmail.com">Imanelaminoct@gmail.com</a></p>

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<p>@shadowhunter1997 Gmail :)</p>