Score my essay?

<p>The prompt is "Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? </p>

<p>Throughout history, man has lived under rulers who hold considerable power and authority. Though the presence of a leader is important when it comes to stability, man must question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority in order to generate change that will ulitmately be beneficial. Several examples from history, literature, and current events demonstrate instances in which the questioning of authority has led to the promotion of progress.</p>

<p>To begin with, the events of Shay's Rebellion in 1784 prove the necessity of questioning those in authority. Daniel Shay, a farmer and former soldier, led two thousand other men in a revolt against the government of the United States. They protested the poor state of the economy and the lack of support they received from the government. This rebellion worrried many of America's leaders, but it ultimately led them to realize the flaws of the Articles of Confederation because Shay's rebellion called attention to the inadequacies of the government. It served as the event that would lead to the creation of a new, stronger constitution. Because of Shay's protets, they came to realize the negative effects of the government on their people. Without Shay's actions, the leaders of the country would not been aware of their country's troubles. In the words of Thomas Jefferson "A little rebellion is good every now and then," especially in order to improve.</p>

<p>Furthermore, Susan B. Anthony's actions during the Women's Rights movements demonstrate the importance of questioning people in positions of power. In the 19th century, Anthony organized many conventions and protests in an attempt to help women gain the right to vote. At the time, the idea of women's suffrage was ridiculous to many politicians. Few of them sponsored her cause and many of them wanted her arrested for being rebellious. However, Anthony paid no heed to the beliefs of those in authority. She questioned their ideas and continued to actively promote her cause, gaining the support of many people. Anthony's refusal to bow down to the ideas of those in authority eventually led to women's suffrage, thus proving that one must question authority in order to create progress.</p>

<p>Finally, Winston's actions in the novel 1984 prove that...
(this is where I ran out of time)</p>

<p>8 - 10 out of 12</p>

<p>On the real test, you would do better to omit that third topic sentence and just leave your essay with three paragraphs, the last one having a concluding sentence that could function as the conclusion of the essay.</p>

<p>You have clearly appropriate examples and give concrete details to support your thesis.</p>

<p>I’d sharpen up the transition; “Furthermore” does not particularly demonstrate “smooth progression of ideas.” </p>

<p>Your essay shows that you would not have enough space, or time, as it appears, to fully develop a third body paragraph and a conclusion. You might consider beefing up the two bodies and then writing a conclusion.</p>

<p>Thanks for the feedback and advice. I really appreciate it!</p>

<p>Hmm well I dont think the Shay’s Rebellion part is accurate. They were not protesting to get the Article of Confederation changed. So your “questioning” in this case is a bit weak. </p>

<p>The Susan B. Anthony paragraph is strong but you could have got to the point a bit quicker, which would have helped your time problem. You really just want to point out that of their own accord the male politicians never would have granted women the vote, since their vested interest is against it, therefor SBA was vital in creating any progress.</p>