Grade my essay!!!

<p>Prompt: </p>

<p>We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation.
We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is. </p>

<p>Assignment: Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<pre><code> The presupposition that the way something seems to be is what it actually is is a fallacy. Even though some advocates hold the notion that things do not change from their first impression, these romantic critics are mistakenly too dogmatic in their provincial ideology. Though first impressions may hold true for many, there are often few exceptions that do not actually show their true colors. The archetypes of Ben Carson's "Gifted Hands", Martin Luther King Jr's love affair, and Elisa Izquiera's death all illustrate that first impressions can make a false assumption of an individual's true color.

Ben Carson's "Gift Hands" utilizes a cogent argument that defends the claim that first impressions can be false judgments. Carson grew up much of his life in the violent city Detroit. If one was to analyze his youth, he or she would see the surfeit of tests he failed in school. However, he changed his failures into successes; Carson is now venerated as a world renowned neurosurgeon that has cultivated surgery. With his indomitable ways, he graduated from prestige Yale University and became the youngest chief executive at Johns Hopkins. If one was to judge him based on a first impressions of his youth, he or she would not have foreseen his accolades.

King's marriage affair exemplifies a coherent argument that corroborates the theory that first impressions are poor judgments on one's character. King is proclaimed through history as the man that led African-Americans to autonomy. Yet, these movements do not fully justify whom King really was. Unlike his magnanimous dreams, King cheat cheated on his spouse numerous times. Just by knowing his successes, one would not be able to assess his faults displaying that first impressions are not always preeminent. 
 Eliza Izquierda's demise is another paragon that supports the idea that first impressions are ill-conceived notions. Representatives of New York's welfare system analyzed the six year old's house and mother; they found that the child's household was perfectly fine. They believed that there were no detriments to the girl. Unfortunately, there sadly mistaken when Elisa's mother killed her child. Her death reverberates that the representatives first impressions were actually wrong and unfortunately led to a murder that justifies that first impressions can be faulty.
  In summation Carson's "Gifted Hands", King's affair, and Elisa's death all justify that first impressions do not always tell a person's true self. Society needs to recognize that first impressions may have faulty connotations that mistakenly judge one's true character.

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<p>Please score out of 12. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU TAKING YOU TIME OUT OF THE DAY FOR GRADING!!! Please also tell me thoroughly what can I fix.</p>

<p>Wow I suck. Not even mentioning the fact that I 0 comments, I also have only 1 view.</p>

<p>I think it’s pretty good, however you use too much SAT vocabulary, making your essay convoluted. You should also go a bit more in-depth into each example. For a score, I really don’t know.</p>

<p>@halcyonalcyone thank you very much for just looking at it! I really appreciate it. You’re the first!</p>

<p>are you writing your essays under timed conditions? Make sure you do that since you should get used to the pressure. You will not be able to come up with many “posh” words and examples. I think this essay could receive a 9 or a 10.
You should elaborate your examples more. Rather than spending a lot of time describing something, use the space to keep emphasizing how it connects to the main prompt. Also, there must be some continuity and flow even though you are starting with a different example. The focus should be on the prompt and not the example. What I mean is that your inferences should take up greater space than descriptions.
And do not repeat phrases. You have repeated the similar sentences in the intro as well as the conclusion. Think of different things to say. If there is no time for that, rephrase the sentences and substitute words.</p>